NAME AND PREFERENCES

My name is Iulia, i am 14, i love reading, drawing, listening to music, especially Queen :crown: , The Beatles :telephone: and Billie Eilish🕷. I love classisc, everything from the 19th-20th century are things that i love, like the music, Nintendo, computers, books, etc. I love those years, not the best years from every aspect, bc of the wars, but the most productive in my opinion. I have a wierd way of thinking, i just cant be understood, this place is the place where i found ppl who understand me more then anyone ever has, by now.

So, as i say all the time, I'm OCD, (and think that OCD is nothing, cause it is a nightmare, search it up if you dont believe me) , i also got Synesthesia, and i just simply hate myself, i mean i don't have a solid reason, but i just do. I also love crying, i don't know how to actually explain this, so i don't release emotions very often, and when i do, i feel relieved, especially when it's sadness, and there is another reason, when i cry there is a moment, a few seconds, when i can't breathe, in those seconds i don't see any disproportion or imperfection, from my perspective, i just look at the ceiling and cry the fuck out of me. Long story short I'm a bit pervy, without any purpose, and psychopathic...yeah.

LIFE

I have a lot to say, as some of you might already know, i have a twin brother. Mom and dad struggled to have kids, they had 2 miscarriages, before they had us. When we were born, we were mostly healthy. But after 3 years of eating only yogurt and mashed potatoes, sometimes, mom gave up on trying to make me eat any other food. I was very skinny, cause i mostly threw up all day, cause mom would always try to put some meat in my food...yeah, chidlhood.

My parents would always fight , but especially about me, when it came to health, my brother has tics, and that was all they wanted to "fix", but, only now they found out that im ODC and that i have Synesthesia....I can't say they didn't care about me, but they focused on the visible problems, so i was left out for a long time, i was considered good, which, in my opinion, is way too much to say about me.

Right now, I'm in 8th grade, i try to learn, and i can't, but I'm trying, cause of all the stress and the sadness in our family, mom decided to go to a psychologist, with all of us, cause mom has really really bad anger issues, dad doesn't show any emotion towards me and my brother, only sometimes, when mom is usually sad or angry.

I do have a best friend though, with who i talk about all the wierd or sexual stuff that dont leave my head, with him i feel very close, i know him since 3, a fucking long ass time, he has his problems too, he gets operations every year, his body hurts all the time, but he s very intelligent, and we have a lot in common, and i love him a lot for listening to wierd shit coming form my, even wierder mind.

One thing before the end, don't change your opinions on me, i still am the Trevash you know, hate and like, i didn't change, you just know me more now.

This is ME deal with it.