A Commander's Duty 2/2

𝔄𝔶𝔞 𝔥𝔞𝔰 𝔩𝔢𝔣𝔱 :coffee: [-𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐛𝐢𝐨-] 02/07/22

"I see how I was irresponsible now, why Erwin needed so much convincing before he let me capture titans, I also see why Levi compromised those missions so many times, he was only backing Erwin up. It's difficult being the leader of a handful of troops, let alone hundreds, I can only imagine the stress he must have been under when I approached him with my titan theories and capturing concepts.

Still, I miss those days. I miss when Levi would shout at me for being irresponsible, rather than inform me of who might kill us and when. I miss when Erwin would look at me with furrowed brows and a look of disappointment in his eyes, his expression always upset me, but now I'd give anything to see it again because it would mean that he was the leader and I wasn't.

Is that selfish? Maybe. Levi would certainly think so, given that he thoroughly believes that Erwin deserves to rest. Don't get me wrong, I do too, but the burden is just too much to bear. I don't the last time I laughed, I've managed to spare the kids from some of the worries that are present, enough that they still have it in them to laugh and smile, so that's good at least.

I don't think Levi would understand, but that's why I've been so obsessed about learning more about Marley than we really need to, it gives me a taste of what my life used to be like, about inventing and discovering and learning, it's even brought a smile to my face.

The frequent kicks to elbows to the side remind me of our real goal though, so I'm never happy for too long, but y'know what? It's better than nothing, and the minor abuse reminds me that I'm not alone in this either, Levi may have never had the joys I used to have and therefore has not experienced the loss of them either, but he's still suffering as a result of Erwin's death, we all are, but we remain strong enough to push through and carry on.

I wrote about how the kids still laugh and smile, but I've seen them frown and cry too, they're no less affected than I am.

Armin knows he's next in line for Commander after I die - because I refuse to go down any other way, not after everything we've been through - and he will one day bear the burden I have, that makes it my duty to set an example for him and what better way than to take it in my stride? It's the Survey Corps way after all, we just keep going and we don't know when to quit."

#TeamEldia