I S T H E R E S O M EW H E R E ?

×× a Jeanmarco short written by yours truely ××

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I laid down on my bunk.

Tired.

Exhausted.

No wonder.

Chest heavy and muscles stinging from the sour cold trek we had do go under,

Must've been miles..

My heart weighs heavier about the worry for all of us making it back on time, considering i helped lead a makeshift squad.

Harsh conditions make me uneasy, i'm not a good leader, by any means.

'...Then there goes Christa, Daz and Ymir, they barely made it back in time, way over curfew. Wonder what happened,

i bet whoever's fault it was it was Christa's, she's cute but stupidly kind to the point where she almost got herself and the others killed. Her fault. full stop.'

I ran my hands through my hair and sighed, it did nothing against the pounding headache that wracked my brain.

'...then there's that suicidal maniac, what's his problem in the first place? I'm actually surprised he wasn't the one to get lost, then again even if he did i bet Mikasa would save his ass just like always.

It's rather annoying.

Not like he's the damn protagonist of a story [or anything.'

But thinking about it made me laugh,

ing Eren's petty existence is just funny.

But thinking also hurt, i got up and carefully stumbled down the ladder to grab a flask of water.

I byed the dining room unnoticed, carrying my canteen with me outside dipping into the moons sight.  Luckily the snow storm had ed. The rest of the cadets were still eating and comforting Daz.

'...Tch'

I filled the pouch and quickly made my way back around the cabin, lightly stepping under the cover of the veranda.

Turning the corner swiftly i nearly trip as i stop abruptly.

'...M, Marco?'.

I said nothing, i simply stared where he sat, on the edge of the rise with his arms hugging his knees, he looked cold, he looked uncomfortable. But he didn't move.

It was as if time had paused to smell the flowers, before in slow motion picking up running pace.

My heart beat, to the slow motion rhythm.

'...What is he doing? Thinking? Doesn't that hurt for him too? Did his head not take on the same measures of pressure mine had?

Anyone would get a headache in the conditions we trekked in.'

Not sure how much time had ed when his head lifted slightly, and i decided to turn around, heading the direction i came from making sure not to be seen.

"Where did you just go?.."

I spun around when i entered the door to my dorm and looked out of the hallway i just came down.

Ymir's voice echoed from the dinning room archway.

"..I told you that you should sit by the fire a little longer!"

"Sorry Ymir i'd thought i'd bring more blankets for everyone".

"HAH! look at you playing nice again." Ymir scooped the small girl and the blankets up with great enthusiasm.

Thankfully i hadn't been noticed, i may have skipped a beat.

"Come on Christa let's use these blankets for ourselves."

Making my way up the ladder to my bunk i took a swig of water before throwing the flask to the floor empty. Then following the throwing of myself on top of the sheets.

I lay, breathing, but heavy.

Hearing footsteps travel my direction down the hallway.

They were slow.

Careful not to disturb.

The footsteps i'd imagine an angel would take.

Besides the point they entered the dorm and stopped, the sudden silence made my heart pound harder. I moved closer to the wall

distancing myself from this person, making myself unseen. Closing my eyes slightly so i could still see partially.

They, however didn't catch on to what i was attempting to do and stepped closer to where i lay, making their way up the ladder

and silently peering over the mattress.

"Jean? You awake?"

His dappled face lit partially by the moonlight that streaked through the window.

Upon Marco's somewhat sudden appearance a wave of calmness brushed it's way through my body.  My eyes kept semi- closed,

but my mouth did not.

"What do you want Marco?"

For some reason still attempting to pretend to be asleep, keeping my voice low.

"Oh, well, nothing really... suppose i just wanted some company".

He looks down at the ground as if he was hiding something, or as if he had just broken his leg and was unsettlingly calm about it.

I sigh and open my eyes, taking more details about his appearance.

His eyes were glassy, like he'd been crying, and too tired to fall asleep, reflecting my own mood.

"Well, i'm not really tired I guess so, alright".

Laying on my back and my head turned up towards the ceiling, pressed against the wall still.

"...Okay".

Hesitantly he shifted and climbed into the gap next to me-

"I- Marco!? Hey!"

'...Okay sure we could talk but i didn't mean for him to climb into bed with me!'

"Yes Jean?".

"Wh-", i'm stuck for words, i'd tell him to get out but, i couldn't say that to him.

After a short moment i found some, "I thought you were just going to stand on the ladder?"

"Yeah well, everyone's washing up and heading to bed so, i thought i'd be better off here rather than perched on your ladder".

'... Suppose he had a point, it would be awkward if he was just standing there..'

And, though i hate having to it it, i didn't mind him being this close. I was just startled. He has a comforting aura that surrounds him, and that comfort is brought to everyone nearby. He's one of the few i can trust fully,

unlike some people, i can put my life in his hands.

"Plus everyone saw me head to bed a while ago, i didn't feel too hungry either", He smiles, we stare at the same spot on the ceiling.

'..He's so, warm...'

I neither felt awkward nor embarrassed having my shirt off either, even the brief silence we lay in is a feeling of content.

"Jean iv'e been thinking.", he pauses, his voice as soft as his hair seems to be.

"Is fighting for life outside the walls really worth all this effort?".

I'm shocked. "What?! Of course not! Only suicidal maniac's think that it'll be worth it, if you asked me i'd say that we don't even NEED the Survey Corps, what a way to waste soldiers am i right?  Why wouldn't you dream of a nice cushy life in the interior??".

"Well we have lived 100 years of peace..", He hesitates for a second, i interrupt that second.

"You having second thoughts or something? Cause if so you'd better get that image right out of your head, you deserve to go into the MPB!".

"..I'm not, well, maybe. Maybe we've had our peace, and now it's time to step up before our demise bests us, surely these walls won't hold forever, after what happened in Shinganshina-"

"Stop right there,"

'...Marco,,, of all people...'

"I swear to god if people like Eren are swaying you, i suggest you need to heavily reconsider...".

He turns to face me, his eyes sparkling with fresh tears that have yet to fall.

Something that tells me these tears weren't caused from my words, which brings a wash of relief, but also worry. I turn to face him now, and we lay there facing each other,

all i could do was stare.

Iv'e rarely felt comion, never empathy, and certainly never cared for a specific someone's feelings before.

'...Usually i'd be all 'you have no-one to blame but yourself', but not Marco...',

My heart beat.

I wasn't sure what to say,

so i grabbed his hand.

...in that moment all i wanted in the world

was for him to be okay...

He smiled, his cheek triggering a tear that made it's way in slow motion towards the pillow.

Something stirred within me, and suddenly i felt like my heart and brain were at war with each other, i couldn't explain it in detail even if i spent my entire life thinking about the way i was feeling.

For a second i felt a swarm of heat rush through my body emitting from him, i realised i was holding his hand and reality rushed back to me.

'...Why did i do that? Why is he so close?? he's under my sheets and i don't mind??? what's wrong with me???',

my own eyes stung with tears.

It was then i realised that the two of us could very well be thinking the same thing.

He lets go first and holds his own hands close to his chest, he's shaking slightly.

"No, Jean. I'd still like to work in the military police, serve the king. But, if you must know, maybe fighting for our future,

wouldn't be so bad either..",

He lays on his back folding his arms in a way that makes him seem like he's cold.

There was movement coming from the entrance to the dorm as candle lights danced amongst the walls. Comrades shifted underneath us and made their way to their bunks..

I hesitated, but whispered,

"You should stay here tonight Marco,

it's cold, just head back in the morning when it's daylight okay?".

I lifted the sheets and slid under in unison with the others, being careful of noise. "Oh, and, don't speak about this in public."

"... Okay".

I decided to put away the thoughts of holding hands, even hugging him close for the night, and hope they disappear in the morning. As candle lights fizzled out and faded once again we were plunged into shadow, he shifted around in the covers and settled in.

Facing away.

Before quietening he whispers,

"I just hope, that in the future i mean, there'll be somewhere for us."

But my mind wanders, barely catching his last words for the night.

'...Let's just hope we go unnoticed'.

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