:star2: #MentalHealthMonth :star2:

Ey peeps

So a lot of you may know this story, but I guess I might as well retell it since it’s about a year old now so yea.

Anyway here we go.

So it was the beginning of the new school year last year, and already from the beginning it was tough.

A big one was that I was separated from a close friend. (I’ll just call him Tree idk) The year before, we were inseparable. We were known as the two kids that always knew how to have fun, and there was never a time that we disagreed. However this year, he’d left me In the dust for reasons I didn’t understand at all.

I only had two friends in my classes, one of them not being really all that nice, we’ll call her Rose. and the other, hanging onto rose. We’ll call her daisy.

Overall, I didn’t have too many friends, unlike last year. My classmates weren’t so friendly either. It was every man for himself in every class, and I never felt safe from any judgement.

It all started around early December.

Tree started to branch off from me, which just made everything so much worse. Rose and daisy weren’t that ive, and I just couldn’t explain what I was going through.

Everything was so new. New year, new people, and new surroundings.

I had nowhere to run, and anxiety built up fast. I was so scared to tell anyone because I didn’t want to scare any of my family and cause them to worry about me. I quickly found myself in an endless rabbit hole of a deep depression that I couldn’t escape. Every day was another uphill battle.

I became so nervous and depressed, two people started to pick on me for everything I did. Panic attacks, the way I sat, my glasses, everything. I tried telling my teacher after a while but all she could do is have a small stern talk with them which wouldn’t do much.

I felt like such an outsider to everyone. My two classmates, my family, and everyone around me. I just wanted to be seen by someone, and appreciated, and just have someone to talk to.

Every day was a nightmare.

I had new thoughts that were like nothing I ever had, so many voices in my head screaming that I wasn’t worth anything that I couldn’t do anything, and I couldn’t let go.

These drove me so insane I stared to believe them. Pain was the only way I could escape it.

Every night I would seem to cry myself to sleep just thinking about my happy and positive self that was there only a matter of months ago. I felt so lost I just didn’t know what to do. I had so many days of just laying down and thinking I don’t matter, and I would be better off gone. Luckily my mind was so polluted with sad thoughts to even think of a way.

Until one day it all turned around.

There was a group of people that were all people I knew kind of well. I wasn’t in any of their classes, but I never was able to go over there since I was too drowned in the thought that I didn’t deserve that.

Eventually they dragged me over and while at first it was a little odd, little did I know these would become my best friends ever.

As I got to know them more, me and

This AMAZING BOI Started sharing a common interest. A new musical named “Dear Evan Hansen” had Recently come to broadway, and it was something we both quickly became interested in.

We became friends quickly, (even tho I suck so I’m surprised that she stayed lmao) which is something I’m beyond thankful for. She was always there to listen to whatever I had to say, and made my life so much easier. Suz, you are so wonderful and beautiful, I love u fam, u deserve the world, thank you so much idk where I would be without you. Keep holding on, happiness will find you.

DEH instantly lit up my life. Every character taught me something special, and overall it showed me that even when it seems like there’s no hope, I had to keep moving. I had to hold on, and find reasons to step into the sun and to finally be someone. Myself. Someone I’ve strived to be from the beginning of it all.

And at last, I was finally happy. It felt like re uniting with an old friend.

Soon, mid June rolled around. I was getting appreciation for my art skills, (which were trash at the time but anyway..) those two people that tormented me didn’t mean a thing anymore, and I felt like I just took a breath after being held underwater.

I was more mature than ever, and understood feelings and how I felt.

And importantly, I had a new love and appreciation for musicals, and music In general, which each taught me important lessons with life, which is something that still continues to happen.

On June 10th, came the night of the Tonys. I was overly excited to see DEH hopefully win plenty awards, despite how annoying it was to my family.

I ed at what first was just a small Tonys chat, just for fun. Soon, that grew into a pretty big chat, where I would meet some AMAZING friends.

The DEH fan fam, you guys are extraordinary. Each and every one of you is so unique and wonderful, and bursting with talent. You guys are always there when I need you, and laughing about jokes with you guys is so funny. (England water, milk with toppings, etc.)

I love u guys so much, I can’t wait to celebrate this years tony awards with you guys. Never stop being amazing.

In the end, I had plenty of great friends, a best friend, a group of amazing internet friends, some confidence, and a new motivation to keep moving on.

While anxiety still is a big issue today, I know that I’ll get over it, because I got lots of wonderful friends, drawing, musicals, and a wonderful life to live.

Some last tips, please if you’re ever feeling suicidal or depressed, please please don’t make the mistake I did. Tell someone. Find someone to talk to, or find a way to express those emotions without hurting yourself or others, because while it may seem like it, it only makes things worse. Please understand that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, and this will . Please just hold on, and keep moving forward, because none of us are truly alone.

#MentalHealthMonth