The last dream - Chapter 1

There is nothing worse than the morbit silence of sitting in the freezing salon of your biggest enemy. Supposedly biggest enemy. The glamarous walls are so old that they must have witnessed thousands of convensions and betrayls. What lies it must have heard? Secrets spilt like blood only to remain silent for eternity. Isn't it cruel to know everything only to be unable to share anything?

And now I was thinking about walls. Great. Could I blame myself when I'm in such a doomed place? A palace as old as time? Perhaps I was afraid, and this was my way to deal with it all. In the end, it was all my fault, though.

Each choice and path I had taken led me here to the man who had stolen my heart.

Not literally, but if it came to that situation where I'd have to give him my heart, leave everything behind so he'd be safe and happy. I'd gladly do it without a second thought.

Fate truly knew how to play with the doomed because this wasn't anything but a mission to face death.

A man and a man. A king and a king. Two lonely sould that have ignited at the others' touch. People wouldn't be happy at my choice. No scratch that they'd be furious. I could already hear my council man screaming at me, begging for me to reconsider. Just the thought caused me agonising pain.

So now I sat there in pure silence of this salon, waiting for my beloved to finish his meeting and ask of him the ultimate price of loyalty and love.

My heart was pounding in my already dry throat. The cold climate wasn't helping at all.

The only sound that was audibole was the wind hitting against the frames of the windows, like a thousand hands punching against it but never being led in. Like a wall you could see through. And back to walls.

How ironic to be going in circles. Everything was heavier than before. The light never seemed nearly as bright as when I was younger. Hopes had become the motive to keep on moving. Dreams were wishful thinking in this place of icy cold. Vegetables and fruit barely grew there in the summer. Isn't it miraculous how people can survive in such a climate ?

It's ridiculous. The soft crackling of the fireplace, the heavily coated seats made with the most thick fabric to keep one warm. Everything just to see another day.

How my beloved could rule and survive this place was forever going to be a mystery to me. Maybe I was simply oblivious to the opportunities this place could give.

A sigh escaped my throat. The young maid who had noticed my arrival and ushered me inside. She had been so nice and even prepared a cup of tea for me. It wasn't the best quality but I couldn't complain. I stared at the mist, hot liquid, and cold air mixing together. Patience. Patience was key. It was everything. Every ruler and strategist had to wait for the others gambit. Comparable to chesse if you know how it worked. If you could forsee your opponents move. Yet this wasn't one. He was my love. My light and future.

Even with all that, he left me waiting. Like a soldier waiting for the attack. That calm and devastating silence before something big was going to happen.

He really knew how to keep me on my toes, how destroy any kind of confidence in my already well thought out speech which he'd destroy just be looking at me. Gods. How he looked at me. That love filled gaze that his honey like eyes gave pulled me down like a deep ocean. Losing any kind of position and just falling. Loving.

Just the thought of it made my heart beat like it was going to jump out of my chest. For a mere moment, I closed my eyes and imagined his face in front of me. The way his lips would feel on mine. How he'd taste.

So heavy.... My limbs were so heavy, like they got dragged down. The thoughts became quiet with the last image of him in my mind.

"Wake up." I heard a soft, deep voice whisper into my ear. With a grumble, I push whoever was doing this cruel thing away. Except I knew the face I had used my hand to push away. I knew each curve and line of it. My eyes widden, and there he stood right in front of me. The hand still on his face. I pulled it away. He didn't look all that amused.

"My apologies." I utter the words as my brain slowly understood what I did. Had we not been lovers for years, this would have been a great insult to him. To the kingdom and I really couldn't deal with such trouble at the moment.

"It's alright, Firmin." He told me as his cold mask of annoyance slipped and the rather playful and teasing side game out. It was sweet seeing him smile at me like I had just given him candy. It made me chuckle. "So why are you here, my lovely button ?"

"Why do you call me button all of a sudden?" I looked at him with a confused look. It was rather odd, but it fit him.

"I thought you liked my creative charm." His voice was gentle and teasing as his hand slipped under my chin, forcing me to continue to look at him. My mouth opened just a gap, but I was left speechless. His warm, big, calloused hand held it so carefully, like I was a porcelain doll doomed to break. "You ... You truly how to push me, dear." I mutter after gaining my composure back. And what was his reply to that ? Mere laughter. "This is no laughing matter, Alexander!"

"Oh, don't be grumpy button. Tell me why you are here instead ?" He let go of my chin. Now, there was just a cold empty spot. The ring weighed heavily in my pocket. I looked at the tea.

It was cold. "How long did I sleep ?" I ask instead of answering. Was it a cowardly move ? Most definitely. I was just pushing away the moment I had to come clean. I wanted to. That's why I came here after all. "A few hours 3 to 4." The way he said it so carefully, like he knew this was just a diversion. I sighed and leaned my head against his chest. The alow rhytmic beat of his heart was like a melody I wished to never forget. It was like a balm to the soul. My eyes fell shut once again. "Oh no, you aren't falling asleep this time." He said and shook my shoulders. In return, he got much grumbling, but at last, I was awake and not sleeping on top of him.

"So will you now tell me what is actually the reason for your so sudden appearance? Usually, you are the one trying to keep things under the clouds." My eyes were glued to his face as he spoke up. I wanted to turn away. A part of me was ultimately horrified. The idea of rejection came to my mind and was pushing away all the good. "I.... I'm unsure." A weak reply.

"Is that true ?"

"No... No, not really." I it as he took my hand, pulling the glove off. Throwing it wherever. I would most likely never see it again. "Please tell me." It wasn't an order but not really a question either. This gentle side was the reason I had fallen in love. It was the soft laughter, the conversations that never seemed to end, the spark he ignited in my soul. ion, love, trust. He had never betrayed me. Nerver forced me to follow anyone's judgment, but he wasn't afraid to point out flaws in my logic either.

"I... I would like to propoae something...." I started unsurly. My throat felt tight and dry. Lik a knot settled in there, a knot that didn't unravel. Hands sweaty, a shower of cold and hot running down my skin. Deep breath in. "Go on." He inclined. "We have known each other since we were 16. Since you took over this kingdom, we have met each other so often. I love you." I said, feeling like an idiot as I stumble over my words that don't even in the slightest compare to how I feel. "I love you too, but-" He started, and I, as impolitely as it was, interrupted him.

"But I want to be more. Not just the neighbouring kingdoms ruler. I don't just want to be the man you lie with. Neither do I want this for you." I explain and get on my knee as I pull out the ring.

A silver ring with an emerald input. Engraved stood A.F. the day I first saw an angel smile. His eyes were wide, and he just looked at me. Silence. "I-I l'm sorry I knew this-" His lips pressed against mine. The taste of ink and wood filled my mouth. I absorbed it like a dying man in the desert when he found water. "Of course I will, but what about your court? What about my enemies? " He asked, and I just slipped the ring onto his finger. I didn't think about it. I didn't want to. I just wanted to be with my fiance. Oh, did that sound lovely in my mind. My future husband. That had a wonderful ring to it.

I could already imagine the wedding. Something small, pleasant at night when the stars shun the brightest. Just us and a priest. That seemed wonderful, but aristocratic marriages always had to be lavish and grand. To show off power and demonstrate the unity between two big parties in front of all nations. A dispaly of bravery.

This would be the first marriage between two men, between two kings. "I am so glad." Only now did the emotions gain the upper hand. Tears ran down my cheek, my eyes red as I laughed and trembled at the same time.

Two strong arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me in. "Don't cry." He muttered. My face buried into his chest, and I felt so free. Like a bird taking flight for the first time. Feeling the wind under it's feathers and for the first time not needing the help off anyone else. But just like Icarus flying too close to the sun, it could melt your precious love and ruin everything you planned. Alexanders heartbeat. I could feel it. Right against my skin. So close, did we sit. With a sudden momentum, I was lifted into the air. A yelp that was anything but manly escaped my throat. "This is hardly the right place to be with you, my button." He told me and carried me away like I weighed nothing, and I assure you I was anything but light. "Will you ever stop calling me button ?" I asked a bit frustrated even though I'd have to it there was something charming about this nickname. "Not till the day I die, my love." He laughed. The walls seemed to take it all in. They've kept our secrets and are witness to our love as well as our promise. A promise bound by deep loyalty and affection. Somehow, they didn't seem as frightening anymore like they did when I was just a lad. When I had first been forced to step foot into the frost filled kingdom. Now I was carried to his chambers like I was some defenceless damsel. I had never seen Alexander beam like this. It made me fall more for him. The ring on his finger fit him so perfectly well. His chambers were jokingly big in comparison to mine at home. So many furs layed ther all to ensure warmth. "I love you. Rest now."