i did another art. (tw: mentions of depression, dissociation.)

on a streak lately, been drawing a bit everyday and finishing some stuff unlike usual.

strangely enough, depressive episodes get the best of me art wise and i hate it.

i don't feel like a person when i draw like this and it's nice because it sucks all the time. just pull up a pic and draw it accurately now that i have the skill to do that in 15-20 mins.

the original picture of riku made me feel really soft and yet so melancholic, so fragile. when i look at it i see things that might not make a lot of sense but it's kind of sad in a beautiful way.

it's some vent art but it's still fanart so that's what i wanted to share. fanart isn't always fun, cute or happy. i wanted to show the other side of it. depression is difficult, and that's not saying much, to deal with. it's a weight in your body and mind, everything suddenly becomes exhausting and overwhelming. you should feel like a fish in water yet you're drowning bit by bit.

you sleep to no end until your body aches for days, until you can feel every bone. a part of you feels like fog.

drew roses for life being so gentle yet so hard. it's one of the few flowers that can take so much time to grow and bloom and when it does you really must take care of it.

i think this post fits on ka because so many of us deal with depression, with feeling like someone we're not and it's a difficult topic to talk about. kpop has a great impact in our lives, it helps us escape, it helps us feel better and get creative, motivated, more joyful. even if it's not always happy we have a haven where we can crash at whenever it gets too cloudy inside.

nct wish might not be an old group and i might not watch a lot of their content but their energy, their songs, their little interactions i see here and there can really lift the mood sometimes. riku has became one of my ults and is a true source of inspiration to me every day and this is also why i wanted to include him in this drawing.

maybe you feel it's too late. maybe you feel like it's over. it's okay. every feeling is temporary even the hardest ones.