moonlight.

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for 현서 ` ♡ 。

for you are my moon, my star

and all that is truly beautiful

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I have always believed in fate, maybe not to the extent as others, however I do believe that such an incredible phenomenon exists. a destined meeting of a person, a predetermined event that is out of our control. to let fate decide who shall enter one's life and what shall occur within another’s life. one that is the most beautiful occurrence yet can be one that frustrates many to why it is so cruel. I know I have cursed at the moon for how I despised everything in my life, how I became an absolute train wreck for this so-called ‘fate’. however, under the moonlight’s glow is where I had the pleasure of knowing a person I never knew that I would need as much as I needed you, my angel. under that moonlight, fate had been called as such to which cannot be changed for how much we plead. but I don’t think that I would want to change such a fate on that beloved night to where the moon's light was the most beautiful of them all. a light of the most purest and divine beauty, the one in which opens the eyes to a new view of vision. to be a saving grace that frees one from the succumbed darkness that is to reign over the nights where sun is nowhere to be seen. that guidance to who we seek for, that brilliance to which makes lost souls feel whole. that very light that has led two souls worlds to intertwine — to cross paths underneath its scintillating glow. to allow this tiresome night be filled with gorgeous delight of the stardust’s path that leads all to a world of tranquility. of utter joy filled with elation and rapture that overflows in the night to create those aurora lights in the sky. as the shameless stargazer that I am, peering from my scryglass from my balcony I wished to see that light of the moon ever so close. strange, that light was like any other in the nights that I have known for the past couple years that I felt as if I was living. but on this particular night, it was more wholesome than ever. to others, it is simply one for us to see and illuminate the darkness. but for a child who thought of the night to be where she could do all. the night and cosmic galaxies to be her comfort and safe place, where she could simply look above into the sky and not have to worry about anything. ah yes, that moonlight sky, it is the most becoming sight that I know of. where it twinkles and shines so lovingly, embracing all underneath its reign where the tinsel’s of glittering hope and desire are to appear as they connect with others. a connection that was formed, a bond that seemed to grow stronger everyday. it was that very night, in which I got to meet you my lovely. I think I was lucky enough to have come back to have met you. after finishing my hiatus and freeing myself from all troubles, I came back to the place where I formed unforgettable internet friendships. by pure coincidence, with my return I was able to meet you and many others that I came to cherish. a person that I had seen on many occasions, you were someone that I knew, but I never did truly know you. I ired you from afar, seeing how lovable you were and how you were someone that was exquisite in all aspects. for that being so, my curiosity began to grow, my want to know more of you, my desire to be friends. a little kindled fervent flame in my heart with all sweet ion mixed into one, is what has made me wish to do all I can to befriend you. but it is amusing, who would’ve known that you would make the first move and begin this friendship of ours, underneath the moonlight.

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I do not have the best memory when it comes to walking down the path of memories, however I do have a faint idea of our first conversation in that group chat. a beloved meeting, fated by the stars, moon, heavens and the angels that sing above. I was able to meet one that descended from the sky, and have this heart ascend to where the stars are to be. the beginning to when we would speak to each other so openly, and when our conversations would only be between us. the time where I was able to experience a force from heaven above, to where I could have such warm and fuzzy sensations be felt. november was the time where two souls met. a quaint meeting at the beginning where all you showed was nothing more but the utmost adorableness as you welcomed me back. I found it to be one of the strangest occurrences, since we had yet to know each other and become close as we are back then. yet, I felt so utterly grateful to have such words spoken to me, though we were to be considered strangers with mutual friends. that labelled word would soon transform itself to acquaintances, to friends and to the closest of friends could be in the span of a few months. I do not think there was much for us to even relate to each other about, we were at different stages in life with you going into college and myself being in high school. we had different interests, and to the music that we listened to, the mirror to which we looked into had a different form. our nights were different, as time separated the seconds, minutes, hours and days between us to make our worlds different. our fates were intertwined, but it seemed as if the world was against us with time as it quickly disappeared before my eyes. though we were parted on the opposite ends of the way, to say we were opposites unlikely to come closer. we were able to defy such curated laws and create a story of loveliness. to form a bond stronger than any other, to create our own fairytale and become each other’s comfort. the morning star that is to shine, dew drops of crimson kisses on these tulips that bloom in my heart. all the exquisite quintessence of the cosmic galaxies, where your words are to orbit my mind and form the most idiotic smile there is. I loved every moment I spent getting to know you, how we simply vented all anger, and how we were able to have soft moments with each other. how we could talk about anything and everything despite our differences. I believe though we are quite different, it is what makes our conversations so meaningful and filled with such enticing stories. we come to learn many new things from one another, to learn of the experiences that are to be known of in one's life. to hear the tales of one's life’s work, such mismatched souls is what makes us so compatible. unexpected that it was, I never knew that I would grow to love the night — the moonlight more than ever. I never expected to be given more than I needed, I needed someone to be that star of comfort, but you gave me an entire galaxy to immerse myself in. I needed a person to confide all emotions to, but you became a person I can talk all about. under the moonlight, I am to let all thoughts run free, I am to be at peace, I am to experience so much joy because I got to talk to you. I am to not break down and become a train wreck even more than I am, because I can confide it all to you. for this night becomes more gorgeous as time is to through the crevices of this hourglass. as all is brimming with the comfort of an angel named seo.

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I sometimes forget my quiet solitary existence, I closed myself away from the world was a pale white door separated me and others that came knocking at it. I needed a place to hide, a place where no person was in sight, where I could let myself stain the pillows with tears and break the walls till there was nothing left. so that no one could see that sight of me. I wanted to create a fictional life, a world where I showed all positive sides of myself and performed to the standard of unattainable perfection. no flaws, everything was to be effortless, to be the most beautiful thing there was to exist in the lifetime. to wear a mask and have this blissful oblivion be prominent, and to let no one into my world, so that they cannot see the ugliness inside. I set up so many expectations for myself, thinking that others might adapt to that as well. for that being so, as the foolish person that I am, I was being punished by those clouds of the night; becoming my own demise. I am so scared, and I have always been frightened by those foreboding clouds. for what unfortunate events shall they bring, for what overbearing sadness shall we be engulfed in as we cannot be bathed in the moon's light. I’m a mess, a little insecure, and have trust issues. I'm someone who breaks down and cannot think straight. someone who grasps for the little air that I can find so that I feel as if I am alive. I seek the comfort of the moon, of the stars through this scryglass of mine, hoping for no hindering clouds to cover the light I crave so much. I am so afraid at times, to not see that one source of light in my nights and to be shrouded in the abysmal of the everlasting darkness. I wished to have not succumbed to it — wanting to breathe so I don’t sink to the bottom of the sea. I have my trust issues, where I isolate myself away from everyone because I cannot deal with menacing thoughts. I become scared because I don’t know when they’ll leave me the next day. I break down from all stress that is to pile up into the sky for even the moon and stars to see. it’s suffocating, living in the shadows on a moonless night, losing all parts of sanity with life being a nightmare come to reality. I feel as if I am an empty shell, who has nothing else to lose in life, for I had lost everything already. I really do apologise for you having to see a disgraceful side of myself; of breaking down and losing all motivation to do anything. however, I am so utterly grateful to have had you become my light in these cold nights. to have you listen to my complaints, to see me say and do things that others would not have seen. to see me where I want to end it all, yet you were to stop that notion. you were there to lead me out of the darkness for where the moon was not smiling, because you are my moon. the moon that I so much love and adore, the moon which comforts me every night, becoming my remedy. you allow me to escape this world by simply talking to me, to make me feel so relaxed when I text or call you. little soft interactions with you, moments where we share our struggles, times where we smile. yes, I am to do it all with you, one of my most favourite people to have ever existed in my life. I never knew that an internet friendship would be as lovely as this one. I never knew that you would become one of many reasons why I took all the hardship in, only to be able to talk to you. you are my happiness, my joy, my angel who I cherish so much and I never want to lose you and forget this friendship. truthfully I don’t think I have the motivation to blog anymore, at least not to what it was before I had departed on my hiatus. every moment that I write, I feel so sick. I am done with all there is, and repeat all of the same words because my fervent writer's spirit is lost. but strangely, when it came to this beloved day that I awaited so patiently for, eagerly preparing myself for when I can give you the millions of loves you deserve.

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I do not understand how someone can be so lovely inside and out. stardust and the most magical of things, gleams of the lights above and a heart bigger than the universe. a shining soul that is to only be loved. words of many, I recite these as if it were an incantation for they are all words that you embody: enchanting, delightful, sublime, captivating, diligent, preserving, earnest, adoring, divine, heavenly and so much more. I feel there is not one word that describes all you are, for no word could even describe your very existence. rather, a myriad of them are to be spoken of, for there is much to you that makes you as endearing as you are. a magnetic heart, such magic, you are to cast a spell and take all problems away with words that do fly high into the sky and go into the moon palace. I wonder why you are able to do so? why does it feel so disgusting when others say it, but with you I truly know what this utterly tranquil night is? I truly will never understand, yet quietly I knew all along, for that it is because I am fond of you as I am with the moon and stars. as a child, I grew to love those little lights that are to appear before me, to see that moon to be there so that the stars are not to be alone. for you are to be the same, and radiate such etherealness that is unbelievably the same as the moon I hold so dear to my heart. I sit and stargaze, a hobby that I enjoy, as I watch to see how those stars are to shine and be the brightest as they can be — smiling with elation and rapture to be with another. yet, I cannot forget the moon, as I am a moon child who knows nothing more but to love it every night. how did the universe come up with you my dear, how did those cosmos of the luminous spectrum be able to dance around you. you are beauty in itself, the most beautiful soul there is, the one that simply knows how to make us smile as bright as the moon. I am at a loss of words, it is unexplainable to how your aura is the most becoming of them all. I am in total chaos, finding the correct words to say what I wish to say, the optimal words of poetry. how shall I describe what needs to be said in the most loving way possible? shall words be as the most confusing yet most gorgeous with sentences formed by that of literary works. written with a heart that has sworn to the moon: the light that you are to be is what enlightens my soul. let your light be what I drown in, and not the depths of the sea that are to pull me under. let such a light be preceding and succeeding tellurium generations. the nocturnal predominance, such luminary reflections on waters that flow as you and that shining light have the power to enamour and aid insanity. the splendour that is to be experienced for when you are visible and the grandeur that is there when you are not. in times of darkness, you are to shine, in times where needed you were always there. you did not need to be in sight, for the reassurance that one shall shine a light into a corrupted world gave all the more better reason to feel comforted. you are out of my reach, I cannot know of you more than I already do. when the moon rises, your sun is to be shining, yet I know, for when I see crimson tinting the sky to turn to utter darkness is when you bathe in the moon's light. maybe then, if I do look out, on a velvet sky, if I reach my hands to the moon you can feel my embrace.

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I wish to show you the stars in my world, I wish for us to sit somewhere high and fish for the stars. to gather them all and spread them across the sky, spelling your name. so that every night, you can also look into the sky and see who I think of when I see the moon and the stars. I can honestly imagine us still calling each other no matter how tired we are with life and everything there is. to have our energies recharged when we are around one another, to let ourselves be free from all troubles and have soft moments. calling at the latest of nights, calling anytime and anywhere, and for who knows how long our conversations shall last. when I hear your voice or laugh, echoing throughout the night, I feel so much happiness. my heart is to be at its fullest, as I talk to you for long hours with no end. your voice melts my heart into a pile of tinseling stardust, it becomes soft by your words and adores everything you say. your love for all makes my heart sing a melefluent tune for you to hear. your existence is simply the most marvellous and majestic thing that the universe was to ever give me. that I was to ever know besides songs that I hum in the serene night and that moon I treasure. like comets that are to leave a trail of colour behind, like the stars that dream of you, like the moon that is vigilant for all you create. I adore everything and anything about you. from the smallest of details to the ones that everyone speaks about. it truly is so surreal, that we could become so close as now even after our short meetings and knowing each other for such a small fragment of time. I felt as if I have known you longer than I actually know you, as if fate was waiting for the right moment for us to meet. I simply feel the softest when I am with you, I feel so comforted as we are to dwell in the galaxy in which you helped me to know of. I am not someone who is particularly good at expressing emotions, I ramble on about topics yet I can never truly express what feelings are swelling in this atmosphere. however, I do hope that you know that I care for you so very much, and that this heart for you is larger than any cosmos there are in any universe. I want you to know that just as you are my moon, as the moon is and does, I shall never leave your side and be a faithful friend. whether I am to be there when you are at your lowest or highest, I will be there, with unwavering iration and for you dear angel. I will be there for you to vent all anger, I will be there for when you want someone to talk to when you are up late nights. I will be there if you simply want soft rambles. if you ever need someone, please do know that you can rely on me no matter what. for I wish to show all gratitude, to be like the moon — like you, with immaculate purity that soothes souls and congratulates all efforts. your solemn soul on such nights, how you have become a missing piece in my life to feel so complete. there is nothing more to say, but everything about you is remarkable, and I am in a state of pure bliss as I write for you. I know that though we are to be separated in this lifetime, with no starry bridge for us to cross, I wish upon the stars and moon that one day we can meet alongside miu. that we can finally know if each other even more, for you to come to australia whenever tragedy ends so we can be dancing underneath the moonlight. for who knows how many more years will before an internet friendship is broken? I dread to ask this question everyday, I wish to not think when it will, but how can I not with a mind such as this. all things have an ending to them, for every spark it shall return to darkness, every noise shall return to silence, and every friendship has a parting. even if we are to part our ways, I believe, no, I know in another lifetime, the force of fate shall intertwine our lives once again underneath the . . .

                                      — moonlight.

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