Day 5 – 30 Day Challenge

Since I combined day 3 & 4, today is day 5's.

Day 5: Coming Story

I usually hate talking about my coming out story because there's a lot to it, but I guess I'll do it anyway. What not?

Part 1: Orientation

When I was 13, I came out as bisexual to my best friend/girl crush and asked her out. She rejected me, but was proud of me for figuring out that I liked girls. It somehow broke out at school, and I suddenly had students asking invasive/inappropriate questions like, "Are you attracted to me?" and, "What does a girl's [blank] smell like?" I was scared of being bisexual, but once I accepted that I liked girls, I didn't care what others thought. I was happy. My LA teacher tried defending me when a girl asked about the rumours, but I told the teacher it was okay. I rather they ask questions so I could educate them about sexuality.

I later came out to my paternal grandmother, and she later unfortunately outed me to my aunt, who was thankfully chill with it. She even seemed upset with my grandma for outting me.

Then when I was 14-15, I was learning more about gender and expression, and I took a great interest in transvestites/crossdressers, and thought I was polysexual because I was confused about the difference between expression and gender. My transgenderism wasn't evident to me, yet, but it definitely played a part in figuring out my orientation.

It wasn't until I was 17, after I had learned much more about gender and came out as trans, when I figured out that I was omni/pansexual with a preference for guys. Being apart of an LGBT+ youth outreach also helped a lot.

My romantic orientation was pretty much the same as my sexual orientation until I had a relationship with my last boyfriend. The trauma from the abuse was too much for me to feel comfortable dating another man until I met my current boyf. I didn't really come out to anyone besides myself when I figured I was demi-finromo flexible, because honestly who cares? My love life is no one's business but my own and my partner's or partners'.

Part 2: Gender

At the age of 15, I came out to my high school sweetheart as a transgender man. I was still trying to figure out what it all meant: sex, gender, expression, orientation. But all I knew was that I was a man in love with my best friend, and I wanted her to know. (She already knew I was in love with her at this point. We never dated, if you're curious.)

The same year, after I turned 16, I asked my then therapist to tell my grandma that I was trans, because I was afraid she wouldn't understand and make my dysphoria worse. She of course couldn't really grasp the idea about how it worked, but she ed me entirely and made an strong effort to call me by the right name and pronouns (she slips up still, but she's good about it; she only purposefully hurts me when she's angry). She came out to that side of the family for me (again, without my permission), so once I saw them again, they all called me by the right name and pronouns, even if they didn't understand. My aunt (who accepts me not being hetero) has been "tolerant" at best, and on occasion would purposefully deadname me and misgender me, and even invalidate my coming out story (the reason I think why my aunt did all this is something I can get into at a later date if anyone is interested). My younger half-brother had a difficult time understanding and would argue about my gender, but he has since fully accepted me.

When I was on visitation with my mother at age 16 or 17, I came out to her as trans. She immediately accepted me, as well, but she told me a couple years later that she struggled with anger over it. She told me that the signs were so obvious when I was a kid, but I guess she was upset with herself (or me?) that she didn't recognize them sooner.

My younger half-sister is my biggest fan, and she's super validating and ive. She'd say stuff that'd make me cry happy tears, like, "Silly monkeys are girls and silly geese are boys. Peter is a silly goose because he was born a boy." And whenever her grandparents would misgender or deadname me, she'd come to my defense, guns blazing! "He's my brother and his name is Peter! :triumph: " My youngest half-sister was too young to what I was like before I came out to our mom, so I hope she'll see me as cis.

I don't really coming out "officially" as trans at school. I just kinda started writing Peter on all my papers and asking my friends to use masc pronouns for me. Practically all of my friends and classmates were accepting, even if they didn't get it. Some struggled here and there, but they were apologetic and respectful. The teachers/staff were a mixed bag. Some just straight up disrespected me and others were okay with it, even if they felt like they had to hide it. There's a lot I could say about being trans in a private Catholic high school, but I'll save that for another time.

I didn't really tell anyone that I was nb or when I found out I had neo-genders, because I didn't think anyone would understand how my experience with boyhood rejects the binary standard of boyhood and the general standard of gender experience.

TD;LR I had it easy, considering, but I still experienced discrimination. I'm just glad I know who I am for the most part.