It's just a word, I am a boy - Scrapped poem #2 [DATE N/A]

| table of contents :

↳ #¹ : Original Notebook Pages

↳ #² : Poem

↳ #³ : Backstory

♡

♡

I wrote it.

letter by letter

I carved it on wood,

scribbled it on paper,

drew it in snow,

& typed it onto my screen

and yet,

the screen glows foreign

they're just letters.

just a meaningless word

it doesn't feel mine

when I know it should

but it's just a word.

people call it out,

when they want my attention,

when they see me,

when they need me,

and I respond,

because I know it's mine.

I know it's *supposed* to be mine,

but to me it's just a word.

an empty holder

to me it's just a word.

a word like a greeting,

a simple "Hello",

to acknowledge I'm here.

but it doesn't fit its purpose,

like a broken piece of a puzzle.

I can live with it ,

but I can't recognize it.

it's a name for someone,

but to me

it's just a word

it's a name for *someone*,

but it got lost along the way,

and was delivered to my hands.

whereas *my* name

ended up on someone elses

...

if I say it out loud,

it would make it real.

the years worth of thoughts & feelings,

that I spent draining on the bathroom floor.

cold and alone, when I whispered the words,

until I scared myself and shut them out

it lingers at the back of my head,

but I still keep ignoring it.

the words I used to whisper,

cold and alone,

as Leila said : "I wish i was a boy"

now taking a new form on *his* tongue

Leon says : "I am a boy"

♡

I wrote this somewhere around the time when i was going through my last couple of months in the closet as a trans man. I was struggling alone, crying every day and my family outside of my room had no clue i was bawling my ass off :sparkles: The notebook pages are messy because I wasnt thinking what i was writing at the time, i just wrote what i needed to spill out!

this is number #2 of my scrapped poems :sparkling_heart: