K. | 2024 & 2025

tw//grief [vent post]

[CF awareness]

I saw this post sitting in my drafts a few days ago, still left untouched since January 2024. I had written an entire novel to you as usual - yet, I didn't post it. I wasn't in a good place last year, K. I guess it just didn't feel right to do. Somehow.

So this year it comes a little early. It's not your birthday yet, but it's not like you ever cared about that in the first place hm? Geez, make it a month.

⚘

But hey.. another year has gone by. Another year without you and your horrible puns, your laugh and your crazy ideas that usually got us into trouble. Another year without your weird ass word-creations, the smell of your favourite tea and endless pictures of your pets. I miss you terribly, you know that? I wish we would've had more time. I wish life would've been fair to you.

The world is still turning as you said it would. So much is happening, so many things are going on. It feels like humanity's main focus is on how we can destroy eachother in the worst way possible and it makes me sick. All of these years, all of this time, money, research for things that benefit nobody. It enrages me that we got time for all of that, but yet still, there is no cure in this world that could have saved you. Isn't that insane? It blows my mind. Even in 2024, with all we know now, we'd still end up in the same spot. One moment I'm with you, laughing and getting excited for 2020, making plans for Christmas and the other? The other moment I'm putting down flowers for you, being back in my hometown for the holidays. What the fuck. :bouquet:

Somehow these posts always turn into an angry, full of grief-rant. You'd roll your eyes, I know. But somehow I can't get over myself. This needs to come out, I need to write it down, say it and embrace it at least twice a year. Once on your birthday and once on the day you had to leave me. I'm sorry. But bear with me, you know I'm a sook.

But hey, you know what? On a more positive note - we still talk about you. Me, S., N., L., I. and H.

You wanted us to always stay together as friends.

You told us it would mean the world to you, so we did all that we could to never fall out of after we graduate.

We kept that promise. And every time we hang out, every time we sit together, we talk about you. You're never fully gone. And we tell people who you were.

N. and I. got married in June and had their first baby in December, S. bought her first house last year, did you know? And we were all there when they planted their first apple tree in the little garden that came with it. And we ed you, we played your favourite songs under the night sky at the babyshower because we know you're a sucker for terrible music, lmao.

You should be with us.

But what I ment to say is: You're never fully gone. You'll always be a part of us. We carry you with us.

》Wir nehmen dich mit. 《

"Just breathe."

Happy Birthday, K. 🤍🕊

1998 - 2019

________________________

Atme ganz tief den Moment ein,

Lass ihn dann nie los.

Spür wie dein Herz grad'

'nen Schlag überspringt

Und wenn es kickt, kickt

Alle Wände beben dann

glaub' ich fest,

dass ein Text

noch immer

Leben retten kann.

Dass den Liedern,

die man liebt,

immer Frieden inne liegt,

Noten ewig leben,

kein Grab zu tief

für die Musik.

[...]

Wenn ich geh,

wenn ich geh,

wenn ich geh,

wenn ich geh,

bin ich noch da

solang die Band noch spielt.

Und alles ist gut,

anders,

aber gut anders.

Wenn ich geh..

"Ariel" - Casper

________________________