Misogyny in the LGBT+ Community

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Until there is gender equality, we can’t

live in a world free of homophobia.

This is reflected in Patrick Strudwick’s

statement, in which he wrote that he is,

“a feminist first and a gay rights activist

second – second because there is no

emancipation for gay people without the

universal liberation of women”.

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Sources of information have been credited,

to the best of my abilities. Some information

is directly quoted from its sources.

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The following content contains material

that may be triggering or sensitive

subjects for some readers.

If you are unable and/or uncomfortable

reading about discussions of Homophobia,

Sexism (specifically Misogyny), and the

Sexualization of Lesbian & Bisexual Women

(and female-presenting individuals), then

reader discretion has been advised.

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If you begin reading this blog and start to

feel yourself getting overwhelmed, PLEASE

stop reading. You can always come back

and continue reading at a later date.

Again, PLEASE prioritize your mental and

emotional health and well-being.

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:heartbeat: Resources :heartbeat:

:small_blue_diamond: PTSD Attack : click here

:small_blue_diamond: Anxiety Attack : click here

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“Gay men are as misogynistic as

straight men, if not more so…” actor

Rose McGowan said during a podcast

interview in 2014 (Friess 2014, para. 3).

The comment sparked debates about

gay men and their attitudes towards women.

And even though McGowan later apologized

for generalizing gay men with her words,

the incident served to challenge the myth

that gay men cannot be misogynistic,

or even just generally sexist.

Although gay men are disadvantaged

in being gay, they still have male

privilege --- one that women, including

those also in the LGBT+ community, lack.

Understanding this simple fact is key

to understanding the role of privilege

and power structures and imbalances

in upholding misogyny among gay men.

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Case et al. (2012, p. 3) describe

privilege as “unearned benefits for

certain groups.”

They further explain that societal

norms advantage individuals belonging

to certain groups, particularly those

“perceived to be male, white,

heterosexual, or middle class.”

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At the heart of this privilege is an

individual’s obliviousness to inherited

gains and the oppression of others not

possessing such inheritances.

Social norms uphold privilege, often

making it invisible and consequently

unchallenged.

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For instance, within lesbian and gay

scholarship, gay men (particularly those

who are white) have received the most

attention; whereas, lesbian perspectives

are often overlooked.

(Ellis and Peel 2011; Houston and

Kramarae 1991; Savin-Williams and

Diamond 2000).

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For example, in some corporate spheres, gay

men are advancing further and faster than their

female colleagues. It's perhaps unsurprising

if they prefer to present less challenges to

the gendered status quo; they may even

reinforce male-centred ways of working

that don't consider ongoing barriers affecting

women, such as childcare or maternity leave.

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Conflicts around misogyny have

persisted as long as the gay rights

movement has, itself.

The Gay Liberation Front, which

started the first London Pride march,

was the flagship movement for queer

emancipation in the UK. It formed in

1970, but by 1973 had largely

splintered on several political lines

—one of them being gender.

An editorial in Issue 2 of Gay Left,

a socialist journal published by gay

men in 1976, reflects on its effects

on the movement: "When the split

occurred between the women

and the men in the movement… the

gay men became more isolated into

the new ghetto. After this, much of the

serious questioning of gender role

disappeared… The male gay movement,

instead of challenging and confronting

sexism, became increasingly defensive."

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In her 1995 pamphlet Lesbophobia:

Gay Men and Misogyny, writer Megan

Radclyffe notes that many lesbians left

the GLF by 1971, citing original member

Janet Dixon's belief that "in the end,

once again, women were servicing men,

women were raising the consciousness...

[and] were giving their energy to men."

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Historically, lesbian activism was

indistinguishable from feminism; after all,

liberation for queer women required the

dismantling of gender roles and family

structures that oppressed all women. For

former GLF like Dixon, it became

clear that some gay men were pursuing

a form of liberation that created licence for

their sexual preferences, at no expense to

their social position as men under patriarchy.

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Male homosexuality has multiple histories—

of course, it was largely demonized by

Western Judeo-Christian society as

a sexual deviation from the correct gender

role for men. Yet there are also other narratives,

molded on the romantic and eroticized notion

of male bonding in Classical Greece, which was

viewed in Homeric poetry as more important

than relations with women.

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This parallel history is visible in the celebration

of male beauty in Renaissance art, through

to the writings of Walter Pater, a 19th century

critic who wrote extensively on the aesthetics

of male beauty and 'friendship.'

”"It's absolutely true that existed," agrees

Dr Sam Solomon, an English lecturer at the

University of Sussex and co-director of the

Center for the Study of Sexual Dissidence,

"though it was very class-inflected: It was an

ideal of social bonding and advancement

realisable only for wealthy and educated men.

Other men and women were excluded."

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In fact, belief in the inherent superiority

of gay men over women has been present

since the 19th century. Dr Solomon points

to Edward Carpenter, an early socialist

defender of homosexuality. He believed that

men who desired men "were not 'effeminate,'

but rather combined qualities that made them

the best drivers of social progress."

Carpenter argued that male Uranians

(as he called homosexuals) perfectly

combined male forthrightness with female

emotional sensitivity.

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Femininity is still seen as weak in a

society, and unfortunately, no one

is immune from being subconsciously

influenced by toxic masculinity.

Even in marginalized communities,

there’s still those who discriminate

against others. For some in the gay

community, misogyny can be so

embedded. Perhaps it is unintentional

and many do not necessarily realize.

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There are gay subcultures known

as “gay bros” who make it their

livelihood to seem more manly than

their stereotypical flamboyant

counterpart.

They’ve latched homophobia

and misogyny on nearly every

activity they do. They do things like

hiking, fishing, participate in sports

and call themselves “straight acting.”

Essentially by saying this, you diminish

nearly every gender and sexual preference.

Let’s be honest, by saying straight acting,

you’re saying you don’t want to be around

people who “act gay” because it’s seen

as being feminine.

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Some gay men don't just feel entitled

to police the appearance of non-binary

or femme-presenting queers in romantic

or sexual contexts—they also do so

readily when it comes to women,

particularly women in the media.

The frequent 'celebration' of female pop

icons is most in danger of greenlighting

a sense of entitlement about 'critiquing'

women more generally, especially on

typically sexist criteria like their weight or

physical beauty.

While women in the media may not have

to be sexually attractive to gay men,

there is still a widespread expectation for

them to look glamorous, effortless, and

"iconic"—an unrealistic and idealized

demand for powerful, flawless womanhood.

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Continuing with this idea of femininity,

some harbor this idea of how feminine

women should act. Telling women to

“act like women,” but claiming to be

a feminist makes you a hypocrite.

If you tell women how to act, you

still enforce gender norms and enforce

this notion that women cannot be

themselves unless a man allows it.

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Overall, gay male sexism is seen differently

than straight male sexism. While it might

seem harmless, it still in a way enables

misogyny to be practiced by others.

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Perhaps the modern professional gay man is

more often guilty of benefitting from sexism,

rather than directly perpetrating it.

But sexism amongst gay men can take more

direct forms. One of the most common

complaints from women about gay men

are their often-inappropriate invasion

of women's bodies. At times, this can be

under the guise of appreciation—drunk gays

grabbing women's breasts or dancing up

against them in clubs, and getting angry

when challenged.

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"When I was younger a lot of gay men

would touch me inappropriately and say,

'It doesn't count because I'm gay!' Yeah, it

still counts because I'm still a person who

deserves respect," Victoria Sin says.

"If I mention my period, I have gay friends

say, 'Ewww, stop that's disgusting!' No, it's

my body and it's not disgusting."

This, I would suggest, also comes from

a lazy, thoughtless assertion of gay men's

sexual identity—but to assert you’re gay

doesn't mean you have to feign disgust at

women and their bodies.

It's as offensive as it is ridiculous.

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”Gay men don't realize that if they say,

’Don't meet me looking too feminine,'

they are asking you to pretend to be

someone else in order to gratify their

sexual preferences," Shy Charles adds.

”A gay man once told me the fact I didn't

bulk up and cut my hair was a 'waste' —

that by not looking conventionally

masculine, I was 'wasting' myself. Like

my main purpose in life was to be

attractive to people like him, and I just

needed some guidance! As if how I look

is some kind of accident."

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Some gay men don't just feel entitled

to police the appearance of non-binary

or femme-presenting queers in romantic

or sexual contexts—they also do so readily

when it comes to women, particularly

women in the media.

The frequent 'celebration' of female pop

icons is most in danger of greenlighting a

sense of entitlement about 'critiquing'

women more generally, especially on

typically sexist criteria like their weight

or physical beauty.

While women in the media may not

have to be sexually attractive to gay men,

there is still a widespread expectation

for them to look glamorous, effortless, and

"iconic" — an unrealistic and idealized

demand for powerful, flawless womanhood.

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Sexism & Homophobia Overlap

The intersection of homophobia and

misogyny also includes the objectification

sexualisation of LGBT+ people by other

of the LGBT community. This can

be done by anyone, regardless of their

gender presentation.

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In her book ‘Female Chauvinist Pigs’,

writer Ariel Levy explores the San Francisco

lesbian scene and the way that

”bois” behave in sexist ways towards

femme-presenting lesbians.

She described the internalization of

patriarchal values by the ‘bois’ who speak

about and treat the women they are

attracted to in a similar way to how sexist

heterosexual men would behave.

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It’s also worth noting that the look of

mainstream androgyny has gravitated

towards masculinity.

A cursory Google search for the term

‘androgynous’ will throw up a page filled

with images of slender, white people with

short hair wearing traditionally masculine

clothes like suits and braces and hats.

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Black women face a double discrimination

in white, patriarchal society; the casual

conflation of a white gay male's

experience with that of black women is

appropriation, not solidarity.

Sexism from gay men can be especially

seen in non-black gay men’s appropriation

of black women’s culture, in the form of

stealing phrases, slang, gestures and more.

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Among white gay men, the idolizing

of black female artists such as Beyonce,

combined with slang picked up from

media such as RuPaul's Drag Race, can

produce excruciating stereotypes of

black women—all dressed up as appreciation.

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”Half of RuPaul's Drag Race, when these

girls are lip syncing for their lives — the

eye rolls, the hair, the weave patting —

those are all things that I've seen the

black women in my life do," Elegance

Bratton, creator of VICELAND's My House

show, a documentary series on the New

York ballroom scene, said. "So many of

the gestures that we think of as go-to

gestures certainly came from black women.”

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And at Push The Button, a gay pop music

night in London, white gay men attended

its annual Spice Girls party in Afro wigs,

”blacked up” in an show that claimed

was in homage to Mel B.

"I've heard white gay men joking about

having a 'strong black woman' inside

of them. It's a cultural stereotype that

implies [black women] have no problems

and is reductive about our experience,"

explains Ava Vidal, a British TV stand-up

comic and writer. "There's a lot of this

stuff—mimicking Ebonics, joking about

their 'weaves'—not realizing it dehumanizes

us. It's not flattering. They want all the

fun parts of our culture without experiencing

any downsides."

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White queers, white gay men in particular,

have been appropriating Black woman

culture for decades. Their excuse is that

they also belong to a disadvantaged

minority group, and disadvantaged

minority groups can appropriate from

each other, right?

Wrong.

White gay men, while they are still

discriminated against by virtue of their

sexuality, enjoy white privilege as well as

male privilege: the two most potent forms

of power in the world.

Conversely, Blackness and femaleness

/femmeness are two of the greatest

disadvantages a person can have, when

it comes to social power and status.

Gay men have experienced their own

injustices, certainly. But that does not

give them a free to steal whatever

from whoever.

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White gays/queers appropriating Black

woman culture is problematic for another

reason: it makes white straight women

feel that it is acceptable for them to do

the same.

Now the white girl and the non-black

gay men feel justified in appropriating

Black woman culture, even while both of

them benefit from the oppression of

Black women.

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Undoubtedly, gay men are victims of

homophobia, but that does and never

will count as a justification for misogyny.

As Georgetown University’s law professor,

Preston Mitchum, said: “Being a part of

any dominant group when it comes to

race, gender, sexuality, etc. contributes

to the oppression of other groups.”

The most dominant demographic in this

world is certainly cisgender men.

According to the United Nations’ world

population prospect, “of 1,000 people, 504

are men (50.4 percent) and 496 are

women (49.6 percent).”

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Moreover, being a cisgender man ― gay

or not ― means one naturally benefits

from the systematic oppression of women.

Whether it’s financial gain or simply

having a greater advantage, all men

benefit from the patriarchy, making us

innately sexist. Gay men certainly benefit

from the oppression of women, but this

is typically viewed as a comedy.

This happens so often that we forget

about the woman ― often a Black woman ―

being humiliated.

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For example, this homosexual man

verbally abused a plus-sized Black woman

as she drove a transit bus.

He recorded the entire altercation as he

taunted her. “You look like a fat, stuffed

turkey,” the man said after repeatedly

calling her a b*tch. This video gained over

300,000 views on his YouTube channel.

That’s 300,000 people watching a man

brutishly humiliate a Black woman.

Link: https://youtu.be/dHK-LfU7vgU

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As Sierra Mannie explains in her article:

”Maybe, for some of you, it’s a presumed

mutual appreciation for Beyoncé and

weaves that has you thinking that I’m

going to be amused by you approaching

me in your best “Shanequa from around

the way” voice.

I don’t know. What I do know is that I don’t

care how well you can quote Madea, who

told you that your booty was getting

bigger than hers, how cute you think it is

to call yourself a strong black woman,

who taught you to twerk, how funny you

think it is to call yourself Quita or Keisha

or for which black male you’ve been

bottoming — you are not a black woman,

and you do not get to claim either

blackness or womanhood.

It is not yours. It is not for you.”

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Mannie continued, stating that, “Black

people can’t have anything. Any of these

things include, but aren’t limited to:

a general sense of physical safety, comfort

with law enforcement, adequate funding

and appreciation for black spaces like

schools and neighborhoods, appropriate

venues for our voices to be heard about

criticism of issues without our race going

on trial because of it, and solid voting rights.

And then, when you thought this pillaging

couldn’t get any worse, extracurricular

black activities get snatched up, too: our

music, our dances, our slang, our clothing,

our hairstyles.

All of these things are rounded up,

whitewashed and repackaged for your

consumption.

But here’s the shade — the non-black

people who get to enjoy all of the fun

things about blackness will never have to

experience the ugliness of the black ‘

experience, systemic racism and the

dangers of simply living while black.

Though I suppose there’s some thrill in

this “rolling with the homies” philosophy

some adopt, white people are not racially

oppressed in the United States of America.”

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“White people are not racially oppressed

in the United States of America,” Mannie

explains. “Nothing about whiteness will

get a white person in trouble the way

blackness can get a black person shot

down in his tracks.

These are just facts. It’s not entirely the

fault of white people. It’s not as if you can

help being born white in America, any

more than I can help being born black in

America.

The truth is that America is a country

that operates on systems of racism in

which we all participate, whether

consciously or unconsciously, to our

benefit or to our detriment, and that

system allows white people to succeed.”

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”At the end of the day, if you are a white

male, gay or not, you retain so much

privilege,” Mannie says. “What is

extremely unfairly denied you because

of your sexuality could float back to you,

if no one knew that you preferred the

romantic and sexual company of men

over women.

The difference is that the black women

with whom you think you align so well,

whose language you use and stereotypical

mannerisms you adopt, cannot hide their

blackness and womanhood to protect

themselves the way that you can hide

your homosexuality.”

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Mannie further elabaortes on how gay

men, unlike black women, can hide their

sexual orientation.

”We have no place to hide,” she explained,

”or means to do it even if we desired them.

In all of the ways that your gender and

race give you so much, in those exact

same ways, our gender and race work

against our prosperity.”

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”To claim that you’re a minority woman

just for the sake of laughs, and to say

that the things allowed her or the things

enjoyed by her are done better by you

isn’t cute or funny,” Mannie said. “It’s

damaging and perpetuating of yet

another set of aggressions against us.”

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However, Mannie did note that appreciation

and appropriation are very different.

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”Appreciating a culture and appropriating

one are very, very different things,” Mannie

said. “If you love some of the same things

that some black women love, by all

means, you and your black girlfriends

go ahead and rock the hell out.

Regardless of what our privileges and

lack of privileges are, regardless of the

laws and rhetoric that have attempted to

divide us, we are equal, even though we

aren’t the same, and that is okay.

Claiming our identity for what’s sweet

without ever having to taste its sour is not.

Breathing fire behind ugly stereotypes

that reduce black females to loud

caricatures for you to emulate isn’t, either.”

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”So, you aren’t a strong black woman,”

Mannie stated, “or a ghetto girl, or any of

that other foolery that some of you with

trash Vine s try to be. It’s okay.

You don’t have to be. No one asked you

to be. You weren’t ever meant to be.

What you can be, however, is part of the

solution. Check your privilege. Try to

strengthen the people around you.”

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”I can hide that I’m gay, but I can’t

hide that I’m a woman,” noted Dr Sarah

Barnard, an academic for the School

of Business and Economics, and Andrew

Dainty, a professor at the School of

Architecture, Building and Civil Engineering,

noted in an article addressing concerns

that Sexism is an even bigger problem than

Homophobia for LGBT+ women working

in construction.

The two commented on a Loughborough

University study that found cisgender

women in the construction industry feel there

there is an assumption that as a woman

working in the industry, you are either, “ogled”

or you are “gay”, and therefore taking part

in the sexual objectification of women.

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Dr Barnard and Professor Dainty said:

”There was agreement expressed in the

workshop [that they interviewed for the study]

around the idea that gender is a greater

issue than sexuality in the workplace

for lesbians and bisexual women…

… It was discussed how lesbian, bisexual

or trans women face discrimination because

they are women, whereas gay men face

discrimination because of their sexuality…

… The intersections of gender and sexuality

are influential – if you are female and gay,

both mark you out as different, but you can’t

hide [that] you’re a woman…

… The assumption is that as a woman in

construction you are either being sexually

objectified or gay and into the sexual

objectification of women…

… Reasons include societal norms

regarding who does what kind of work and

stereotypical perceptions of men and

women regarding masculinity. Some women

participants outlined how they had

progressed within construction firms by

entering in istrative roles and

transitioning to technical roles. This pathway

does represent a positive example of career

progression for women within the industry.”

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Dr Barnard Further noted that:

”… the issue of gender being more of

an issue than sexuality for women – having

done work on women in engineering and

construction we know the issues they face.

The fact that lesbian and bisexual women

say being women is more challenging than

their sexuality is not surprising…

… But what was surprising to us all as

we went through the study was how positive

people were. For a lot of the research

participants working in construction has

been a positive experience, with some saying

that work represented a safe space. I think

this is really important to acknowledge…

… Of course, this is not to downplay

discrimination/homophobia that people

experience, or ignore the limitations of the

study, such as participants in the study

working in offices, and some consciously

moving into office environments as they

are more welcoming. This suggested

to us that whilst there are some issues in

the sector, there are some glimmers of

progress,” Barnard added.

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Women in same-sex relationships

might not be treated with as explicit hostility,

as gay men often are, but that does not

mean that lesbians aren’t still treated badly.

For femme women in same-sex

relationships, the blend of homophobia

and misogyny they experience is often

based on how others, typically men, believe

that the same-sex relationship of the women

exists for their [the man’s] sexual gratification.

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Let me clear: Fetishization isn’t Tolerance.

The fetishization of lesbians doesn’t mean

they experience any less hostility than do

LGBT+ men and male-presenting individuals.

Rather, that hostility is disguised — it’s more

sneaky and less overt than it usually is when

directed at those who are male-presenting.

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( :round_pushpin: NOTE: Some studies have suggested

the possibility that, in general, lesbians and

bisexual women are more accepted than

gay men. However, if that is indeed the case,

that fact should not be utilized to compare

and contrast, to make others feel as though

they are not allowed to still feel sad, or in

order to invalidate another’s experience(s).)

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The fetishization of LGBT+ women

and female-presenting individuals is

a reflection of women's lives throughout

history: a time when men decided that

women were theirs and that they existed

solely for their gain.

Of course, women now have the right to

vote, own land, and possess capital, among

many other things that were previously

denied to us.

Our bodies, on the other hand, remains

under outside regulation.

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Women's bodies are still regulated today

in a variety of ways, from legislation to

social stigmatization of women who engage

in casual sexual activities or have multiple

sexual partners.

The fetishization of LGBT+ women and

female-presenting individuals is another

form of control that often goes ignored.

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As one article explains:

”When [some people, but most typically]

heterosexual men think of lesbian and

bisexual [women] relationships, they think

of them purely sexually, with no romance

involved. They trivialize lesbian relationships

to the point where they become superficial

or something meant to be watched…

… This can be seen in ments

intended for male audiences in which

women are depicted in intimate positions,

or even in mainstream media like television

shows or music videos…

… What’s problematic, however, is that

women are beginning to perpetuate this

problem themselves…

… [A] friend once told me that another

friend of hers said that she “only kisses girls

at parties in front of other boys to get their

attention.” This is simply not okay…

… Women don’t need to objectify

themselves through the fetishization of

lesbian relationships in order to get

a male’s attention…

… In doing so, they are inadvertently

validating the heterosexual institution that

is upheld by our patriarchal society.”

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Some studies have even noted that LGBT+

women who identify as ‘butch’ or present

themselves in a more ‘masculine’ way,

are treated with fear and contempt,

presumably for trying to encroach on

traditionally male territory and not

conforming to normative ideals of what

’female’ beauty is.

This type of of homophobia overlaps with

sexism that heterosexual women face

when attempting to carve out a place

in a world that is still dominated by men.

Julie Bindel, who works for The Guardian,

elaborated on the theory, writing that:

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”It would appear that many folk can

only cope with women as feminine and

men as masculine. A number of lesbians

I know who are on the butch side have

been asked when they are transitioning…

… Being openly and proudly butch

has now, as [Lea] DeLaria says, become

something that many in the lesbian

community look down on…

… At the same time, within gay male

culture, being camp or in any way

”feminine” is derided, whereas hyper

masculinity is celebrated…

… This, I would argue, is a product of

plain old sexism and misogyny. Despite

feminism and the gay liberation of old,

lesbians are only really acceptable if we

present as “real women”… Those of us

who reject what I would call the insignia

of our oppression… are seen as a threat…

… The butcher of us are always accused

of being the “recruiters” – of stealing

straight women away from men. [Cis] gay

men, on the other hand, are looked down

upon because they are not considered

to be proper men…

… Many lesbians seem to seek male

approval by not looking too different from

the women they judge to be acceptable…

… Let’s face it, plenty of men expect

lesbians to look like the women acting

out their [girl-on-girl] fantasies…”

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( :copyright: : one, two, three, four, five, six & seven )