take all of me. again./poem (tw?)

Nothing can kill me like you do.

Not death. Not grief.

Not every goodbye that’s ever tried to gut me.

You look at me and I forget how to breathe,

then I ,

and wish I didn’t.

You’re going straight to my head,

and I let you.

I let you live there like a prayer I know will never be answered.

You speak and it sounds like every door I ever begged not to close.

You kiss me and it tastes like the end of something I so desperately needed to last.

I’m straight for the edge,

but you built the cliff.

And you’re watching,

arms crossed,

eyes dry,

as I step forward

like it was always meant to be this way.

I don’t know what hurts more,

that you never loved me the way I loved you,

or that maybe you did,

but i just wasn’t enough for you to stay.

You left your fingerprints on everything soft in me

and now I rot where you touched.

People tell me to move on,

but where do you go

when the only home you ever knew

was a person

who set fire to your name

just to stay warm?

I whisper your name in sleep.

You don’t even mine awake.

And still,

after everything,

if you knocked right now,

I’d open the door

and say: ‘take all of me again’