"Why are you nervous?"

Anxiety isn’t always waiting

For me in crowds or on subways.

Sometimes it waits until I reach the

Bathroom stall in Walmart before it

Decides to slip its claws around my

Lungs and open every tab in my mind.

Sometimes I come out slightly different

Than before, disheveled and unfocused.

“Is there anyone else in the restroom?”

“I don’t believe so.”

“Thank you.”

“You too.”

Wait.

Sometimes Anxiety does not appear

With the cacophony of lunchroom voices.

Sometimes I see that person who I thought

Was clever and I know that they are thinking

That I am quite the dull specimen, while I

Am not even in the right lunch period.

Sometimes Anxiety waits until I am

Alone with a teacher who has seen it

All before, as I hide behind the door

And she gives me breathing techniques.

I am a master at smiling when spoken to.

I am a master but Anxiety is a greater demon.

Sometimes Anxiety doesn’t wait at all.

Sometimes Anxiety takes a seat between

Me and that boy who will not stop taking

My things and locking me out of my phone.

Anxiety tells me that I cannot say anything.

Anxiety tells me to let him do what he wants.

Anxiety tells me that I cannot react but Anxiety

Releases the holy mother lord of sirens in my head.

Anxiety never teaches me to be angry

Or to say a word as simple as “no,” or, “stop.”

Anxiety isn’t always waiting on me but

Trust me when I say that I wait on it.

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