Okay so this is just gonna be a vent, y’all can read it if y’all want, but it’s mostly just for me to get my thoughts down and whatnot.
So on Friday, my boyfriend and I broke up. And yeah, it’s been like, what, four days since it happened, but I still can’t stop thinking about it. He was so sweet to me, and ittedly, I miss the little nicknames he used to give me (my Ray, Princess, my love, etc). I know it’ll probably feel wrong to say this, but I know I won’t hear it from him again, so I kinda just wish I could hear it from someone, like idk, we’re still on good , yes, but I just really need/want to feel loved again. I vented to my school “counselor” about everything, and I found myself crying in front of a school counselor for the first time (or more like crying in front of anyone in school willingly).
I had terrible depression back in 9th grade (a year ago) and I found myself having extremely terrible suicidal thoughts (and to be honest…I have tried acting on those thoughts) I had friends who stopped me tho, who basically talked me out of it (albeit, they were online friends and not irl friends, but yk-)
Back to the topic at hand, I miss my ex a lot. It was all so sudden, I was already having a rough week due to state standardized testing, so with that happening, I just- broke down, in the span since Friday to Monday, I cried at least 6-7 times (my eyes have been really dry tbh-) I lowkey just feel… empty, like idk, nothing matters? I kinda binge ate on Friday and Saturday because that’s what I usually do to cope, I slept a lot (like more than usual) or I didn’t get a wink of sleep at all :/
Anyway I’m gonna wrap this up bc it’s getting too long (and it’s lagging for me) but I just want to feel loved for once without it being taken away from me. I feel like I’m always giving everything to everyone, and yet I can barely get it back in return. I just feel like I’m never good enough, no matter how hard I try. I try to be nice to everyone, I’m a loyal friend and partner, and yet, I never get it back. Anyway, as I said in the beginning of this post, this is just a vent for me to write down my thoughts, but you can read it if you want. If you did make it this far, thank you for reading, and have a good day/night
Comments (2)
Also,a bit advice from someone older just because this one relationship didn't work out doesn't mean that you'll never be happy again,I know it seems that way but give yourself some time to heal emotionally,and be sure to drink,eat,and rest!
I'm so sorry that this happened to you kiddo,I've been through it many many times, it's hard but I will eventually get better, I know right now it doesn't seem like things are going to get better, but I promise you that everything will be better eventually.