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statistics ::
words : 2992
characters w/ spaces : 16485
characters w/out spaces : 13476
paragraphs : 59
tags ::
:cherry_blossom: :: #OCLoveFriday
:cherry_blossom: :: #CCCWritingReview
credit ::
cover photo : vitostone on deviantart
![Berkeley | OC Intro-[C]┊ ┊ ┊ ┊
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[C]┊ ☆](https://image.staticox.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fpm1.aminoapps.programascracks.com%2F7755%2F4a15f3aabce367b8eb6b251d9c429d65ba218e92r1-1457-2048v2_hq.jpg)
characters in story ::
Hope Berkeley | Hope
Owen Berkeley
Laura Berkeley
Miuna Kaito | Valentine
teaser / synopsis ::
Hope's perfect life is ruined by one disaster, one that could have been prevented if there was a hero who cared about the everyday people.
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The sun was just about to rise. Light already crept into the sky, bathing it in a soft baby blue. A faint mist covered the grass, saturating it with small dewdrops. A few people wandered the streets of Kyoto, namely those whose job started or ended exceptionally early. In the Berkeley household, however, only one person was awake. A young girl lay on her side, her red eyes staring at the digital clock on her nightstand. She had slept through her alarm, which was understandable. She had set it to the quietest volume so nobody else would know she was awake. But now, she knew that in thirty minutes, her parents would wake up. Did she have enough time to do what she wanted?
Even though her chances of success were minimal, the girl sat up and flung her legs off her bed. They slid neatly into her slippers, so her bare feet wouldn't pound against the hardwood floor. She grabbed her phone, and sneaked out of her room. The hallway she emerged into was rather small, with only a couple other doors lining its walls. She didn't head for either of the doors, but instead to the spiral staircase at the end of the hall.
This would be the trickiest part of her plan. This tight staircase was very squeaky, and she knew that if she woke her parents up, she'd be done for. So, she took them very slowly, stopping completely whenever any sound was made. After ten minutes of paranoid creeping down the steps, the girl released her breath in relief as she looked upon the first floor of their building. It was tiny, really. A few tables lined the walls, freshly cleaned from yesterday's customers. One wall was taken up by a large chalkboard advertising the menu. Another wall was blocked off by a counter where sushi rolls would typically be on display, but they were currently in the fridge. Everything was cast in a silvery shadow, one created by a mixture of light and darkness.
The girl darted behind the counter, toward a door on the cordoned-off wall. It was one that didn't have a handle of any sort, but rather just a metal plate on it that seemed to imply that's where you needed to push. Paranoid that her parents might sweep for prints, she shoved her shoulder against the door to open it. It was much darker in the room beyond. Her eyes weren't properly adjusted, so all she could see was some sort of cart in front of her. She felt to her right for a light switch, and flicked it on.
The room was soon aglow in blinding fluorescent lights. The white marble floor only reflected the light, making the girl cover her eyes as they adjusted to the change. However, now that she could see, she realized the cart in front of her was actually a counter with some kind of glass roof on it. She walked along its length to find out why it had such a roof, but couldn't quite figure it out. Oh well, she didn't have time to spare figuring out how the kitchen works.
It didn't take long for her to identify the fridge. She pulled it open, and was met with fully stocked shelves on ingredients she didn't even know the name of. She pulled out her phone and opened the website she had saved titled, "How to Make the Best Sushi in the World." She tried to comprehend the ingredients list, but didn't know what was what. Instead, she looked up each individual ingredient and went to images to figure out what it looked like.
Her eyes scoured the fridge until she saw what she needed. She reached out for it, only to be met by a solid force in front of the drawers that crumpled her unexpecting fingers. The moment her fingers made with the invisible force, a large "whoop" sounded throughout the kitchen and, presumably, the rest of the building. The girl quickly fled, taking cover behind the counter as the door to the kitchen was thrown open. "Who's there?" a gruff voice demanded. "I'm not scared to use my quirk in self-defense."
The girl guiltily stood up, revealing herself over the counter. The man turned to her, fists raised, but quickly recognized her. With a sigh, he deactivated the alarm and walked over to face her. At this point, a woman had shown up in the doorway as well. "What are you doing in here, Hope?" the man asked the girl. "You know you're not allowed in the kitchen. There are too many sharp knives."
"I'm twelve, dad," the young girl replied. "I'm not gonna kill myself with a knife. I was gonna secretly make sushi and when you guys would wake up, you'd really like it and let me help with the store."
"You already help with the store," the woman spoke up, drawing nearer. "You translated the menu, and you translate orders for us too."
"But I wanna make sushi with you guys!" Hope exclaimed. "I don't wanna be just a translator." Her bottom lip popped out in a pout.
"You're not just a translator, and you know that," the man said. "You're our daughter. And as parents, its our job to make sure you don't get hurt. Tell you what, once you're sixteen, we'll let you help out in the kitchen."
As if Hope had agreed to that deal, her father ruffled her ginger hair. "Now, go get ready for school," her mother added. "If you're fast enough, we can stop by somewhere to get breakfast on the way." Hope's sour mood immediately dissipated. She dashed past her parents like it was a race, and back upstairs.
* . • . • . • . • °. •. • . • . • . ✦• . • . • . • . •. . • . • . • ★ . • . ★ . ° . • . • . • *. • * . •★ . ° . • . • . .
"How do you say 'You are already dead' in English?"
The children of her town were easy to entertain. Kyoto was very traditionally Japanese, and while they did get tourists, no outsiders ever stayed for long. Hope herself was born here, but her parents had immigrated from America, so she was the next best thing to an outsider.
Hope was fine with entertaining others by answering their questions about America. Most questions were what America is like, and she has to remind everybody she's never actually been there. Once the small group of her peers were satisfied, they slowly began to disperse to get back to class. Only one was left: A blonde with long flowing hair, and small pink eyes. "Hey, I have five minutes until class starts. Can you help me study for the quiz?"
Hope raised her eyebrows at the blonde. "Wait, you're waiting until the last five minutes to study?"
"I studied last night too!" the blonde claimed. "But I just...there are so many states in America!"
Hope giggled. "Okay, Miuna, I'll help you out. But I'm not nearly as smart as you, so I don't know what you're expecting to achieve in five minutes."
"You are definitely smarter than me, but I don't want to waste the time arguing. Let's just study real quick right here on the windowsill," Miuna said. "Thanks."
A few minutes into their rapid-fire study session, one of the teachers approached them. Hope quickly hopped to her feet. "I promise we'll get to class on time. We're just doing some last-minute studying." The words escaped her mouth under the assumption the teacher was here to reprimand them about lingering in the halls. But upon further investigation of his expression, she realized there wasn't anger or exaggeration, but rather apprehension and pity. "Wait...what's going on?"
"Hope, please accompany me to the principal's office. You're not in any sort of trouble, I promise," the teacher waved her to follow, and waited for her response. Hope glanced back at Miuna, who shrugged and ushered her to follow the teacher. With hesitation, Hope followed the teacher to the principal's office.
"Miss Berkeley!" the principal, as well, seemed a bit unsure how to speak. "We, uh...received word from your parents. There seems to have been a...fire at your parent's shop."
A pit dropped in her stomach. A fire? What had gone wrong? Were her parents okay? Obviously, the principal had already stated he had heard from her parents specifically, but in her panicked state, she completely forgot that detail. Her breathing sped up, but other than that, there was no evidence of any panic. Assuming Hope was just excellent at receiving bad news, the principal continued. "A villain attacked the shop. Your parents aren't greviously injured, but they're still at the hospital. Nakamura-sensei and Ito-sensei will drive you to see them." He motioned to the two teachers in the room, a man and a woman.
Hope has no recollection of getting in a car, or of the car ride itself. She just re running ahead of both of her chauffeurs as soon as they arrived at the hospital. Several heads turned as a young child threw open the doors, and stomped up to the desk. "What rooms are Owen and and Laura Berkeley in?" she demanded of the nurse.
The woman leaned forward, her eye narrowed at Hope. "Excuse me, child, but where are your-"
"I don't know where they are, that's why I'm asking you," Hope said. She saw the expression on the woman, and stepped back, striking a rather adorable pose as she looked down at the floor. "I'm sorry. Mom and dad are here, and they're hurt, and I wanna see them."
The woman looked at her skeptically, but ended up typing into her computer. "They're in rooms 213 and 214. Take elevator E," she said. Hope bowed thankfully, and was about to run toward the elevator when the two teachers caught up.
"Hope, you can't just run off," Ito-sensei sighed, looking down on her. "Not only would you get in trouble, we would too. I can't afford any more mistakes, I'm already on thin ice with Hiromasa as it is."
Ito-sensei was her class's favorite precisely because of how honest she was. As for Nakamura-sensei, he just glared daggers at Ito for her bluntness. "I'm sorry guys," Hope said, and she meant it. "I don't want to get you guys into trouble, but I want to make sure mom and dad aren't hurt."
"If they were hurt, they would have said so on the phone," Nakamura-sensei pointed out. "I'm sure their presence here is just to be safe. They'll be fine."
Hope closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. He had a point. If they were in any serious danger, she would have heard about it by now. She should be glad nobody was hurt. She attempted a smile with her eyes closed, and even though it was weak, it held enough joy to turn a few heads. Her namesake seemed to radiate from her whenever she smiled.
"Okay. The nurse said to take Elevator E to floor 2, rooms 213 and 214," she summed up the intel she had gathered upon opening her eyes. She kept up her smile. She didn't want to go into her parent's rooms looking so glum. They needed her to cheer them up.
Room 213 was her father. After much persuasion with the nurse, she was allowed to interrupt his rest. She pushed open his door, expecting it to slam against the wall. Of course, there was a doorstopper, so there was only a dull thud. It was still enough to wake him and draw his attention to the door. "Hope!" he called, his voice gruff.
The two teachers waited out in the hall while Hope ran up to the cot. "There's my smiling angel," he said before coughing. "I'm glad you're not too upset. There's no reason to be, both your mother and I are fine. We just breathed in too much smoke, so we need to rest a lot."
"What happened?" Hope asked. She had been told a villain attacked the store, but couldn't think of any reason why anybody would do that.
"Oh, nothing too serious," her father weakly waved away her question. "Just caught a grill on fire." Hope's smile faltered. He thought she didn't know the truth. She quickly recovered, looking her father in the eyes.
"Well, I'm glad nobody was in too much danger. I'll be right back, I need to check on mom," Hope said. Her father smiled at her, his silent blessing. She kissed him on the cheek and went to the next room across the hall.
Her mother wasn't asleep. As a matter of fact, she was sitting up in her bed. "Hope? I thought I heard your melodious voice," she said upon seeing the small girl enter. "Come, give me a hug. You must be so scared."
"I'm not scared, mom," Hope lied. "I know you guys can handle anything."
She hugged her mother regardless, and thanks to her small frame was able to climb onto the cot with her, even if it wasn't allowed, and was a little packed. "Mom, the principal told me a villain attacked. What happened?"
Her mother sighed, shifting her weight. "I'm not quite sure," she confessed. "I was making an order when the fire alarm went off. When I came out of the kitchen, there was a man with flames shooting out of his fingers. Your father was in the dining area at the time, he should know more."
"He just told me a grill caught on fire," Hope said. "He won't want to tell me the truth, even if I know he's lying."
"You know he just doesn't want you to know about the bad parts of the world," she said. "Unfortunately...the shop was burnt down. We'll need a new place to stay."
It made sense. Even if the place didn't burn to the ground, it would be too badly damaged to be livable. Hope cuddled with her mother, even her false joy muted. When they left this hospital, they'd have to find a place to stay. "Where were all the heroes?" she asked, tears welling up in her eyes. "Couldn't they have stopped them before things got too far?"
"They ended up arriving, but at that time, everybody had already evacuated, and the damage was done," she explained.
Wasn't it the heroes' job to stop this kind of stuff? Or did the fact that her town wasn't big and important mean it wasn't worth protecting as much. It was true, Kyoto didn't have any resident pro heroes. The closest one was two towns over. Who protected the ordinary people?
She would. She would make sure nobody else would lose their home and their lifestyle from a preventable disaster.
* . • . • . • . • °. •. • . • . • . ✦• . • . • . • . •. . • . • . • ★ . • . ★ . ° . • . • . • *. • * . •★ . ° . • . • . .
U.A. This is it. She stared at the open gates before her, at the fake city stretching into the distance. She could already spot a few Ectoplasms awaiting the beginning of the trial. The rules were easy. Defeat clones, get points. Save "citizens," get points. Get enough points, be added to the hero program. Hope briefly wondered how Homura would do in this trial, but quickly dispelled the thought. She had to focus solely on her performance, and worry about her friend after.
"Okay, start," Present Mic said without much pomp and circumstance. Some contestants hesitated, unsure if the go-ahead was sincere. Hope was not one of these people. She set off at a sprint immediately, heading toward the nearest clone.
The problem with her quirk was that she had trouble activating it. Even though she tried, she felt no rush of power surge through her. When she threw a punch, it was weak, and even the clone seemed to have been expecting more. She stepped back, and the clone wasn't sure whether it should fight her. As far as it was aware, she was no match for it, and Ectoplasm didn't want to just beat up students.
While the clone was deciding what to do, Hope was scolding herself. 'Come on, if you don't this, you won't be a pro hero,' she reminded herself. 'It's important. The last three years have built up to this moment. If anybody is watching me now, my chances are ruined.' She clenched her fist. She had to succeed. Her family was counting on it.
With that in mind, she felt her quirk activate. Panic overtook her, and time seemed to slow down. She went for another punch against the clone, who was caught off-guard by her newfound strength. It wasn't enough to send it flying, but it was enough to make it double over. She swept her legs under it to make it fall, then knocked it out.
Before even checking if it was truly defeated, Hope was at the next one. From anybody watching from a distance, she would seem faster than your typical athlete, basically at an Olympic level. She tackled another clone into a wall, and it melted into a puddle in her hands.
She turned around to find her next opponent before her quirk wore off. Instead of locating a free clone, she instead noticed a small group of people trapped in the rubble of a collapsed building. She was there in an instant, quickly assessing the situation. She felt a new surge of power, which usually happened when she was helping others rather than herself. She managed to life the rubble, which no one person should be capable of. But in this society full of quirks, it was commonplace.
A total of three civilians crawled out from the wreckage. "Thank you, hero!" one of them proclaimed as the other two ran off. "Might I know what to call you?"
"Just call me Hope," the ginger said, winking playfully at the actor. "Get to safety."
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┊I don't think this
┊is as good as
┊Akaibara's
┊intro,
┊but until I write
┊something
┊better, this is
┊what I've got.
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★ ★
:: :cherry_blossom: ::
Comments (3)
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( . .) 𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑔
o( 𝑟𝑒𝑣𝑖𝑒𝑤
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hello once again ! i have completed my review of your work and below is my , please do not hesitate to personally message if you require anything else or would like to ask further questions !
✁ - first , i would like to say that i really enjoyed reading your piece and i am ever so grateful that you shared this with the community ! it is a nice and genuine piece , thought out too with a nice mix of the complex and more simple of language phases . overall , this is a beautiful read which seemed to invoke thought and feeling , leave me questioning for more .
✁ - whilst your layout is smooth and follows an easy read process , i did have a slight difficulty in deciphering between text and dialogue because sometimes it is a little bulked together . i recommend not being afraid to drop a line for dialogue !
✁ - this honestly was a good and fascinating read and i loved being able to immerse myself into your characters shoes to understand their thoughts and feelings . you did a really good job with this and i pray that you contonue to share your work with the community .
i hope that this is helpful for you and provided tips and useful solutions for any potential improvements ! ppease continue the hardwork and keep sharing your hardwork with us . also , please that if you ever need help on any other posts , please do not hesitate to tag them with our hashtags so that a ccc member can assist you !
/) /)
( . .) 𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑔
o( 𝑐𝑙𝑎𝑖𝑚 𝑛𝑜𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑒.
✁- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
hello , my name is dionyus , an “ associate ” of constructive criticism crew and i am here to claim your post ! but before i begin , here are a few things to keep in mind before i send my review :
✁ the critique given is my opinion and written in aid of improvement , my critique is not made to be harsh nor an attempt to offend . i will continue to do my utter most best to ensure i provide helpful tips to inspire you further in your media !
✁ please do not delete this notice or the critique that comes after this , as i require it as proof for my qouta , thank you .
✁ my critique will be with you as soon as possible ! i aim to review your work and respond within 24 hours ; pleast be patient .
incoming review in 30 minutes !