𝐈.𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 ━━━━━━
╰─────────────────╮
 ̄ ̄ :hearts: :hearts: :hearts: :hearts: :hearts:  ̄ ̄
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I've never written horror or
thriller. This is simply a test,
to see if I'm any good at it. If
I get positive , I'll
probably write more parts.
Otherwise, this might be it.
![Bottom of the Deep Blue | Entry 1-[C]
[C]
[C]𝐈.𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 ━━━━━━
[C]╰─────────────────╮
[C] ̄ ̄ :hearts: :hearts: :hearts: :hearts: :hearts:  ̄ ̄
[C] _______](https://image.staticox.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fpa1.aminoapps.programascracks.com%2F7823%2F3be779bf4f63d81cb9e01fe6a361d2c6ffc58d33r1-320-85_hq.gif)
________ ________ ________
╭─────────────────╯
━━━━━━ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏.𝐒𝐈𝐒 ━━━━━━
───────────────────
Peri is just an American wanting
to visit Japan. She did not ask
to end up at the bottom of the
Dragon's Triangle, yet there she
awoke. She would kill to have just
about any other quirk, so she
wouldn't have had to witness what
she did.
➥ 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬: Peri Garrett
➥ 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: Horror, Thriller
➥ 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 2010
➥ 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 11081
![Bottom of the Deep Blue | Entry 1-[C]
[C]
[C]𝐈.𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 ━━━━━━
[C]╰─────────────────╮
[C] ̄ ̄ :hearts: :hearts: :hearts: :hearts: :hearts:  ̄ ̄
[C] _______](https://image.staticox.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fpm1.aminoapps.programascracks.com%2F7823%2F3215bf9dd6322691f93ae3e3b2975671aa23cfear1-640-418v2_hq.jpg)
I'm made to live on the bottom of the ocean floor. My quirk is called Aquaria, a transformation quirk that activates the moment I come in with a drop of water. I develop gills, so I can breathe underwater. This makes it difficult when I'm just trying to do some dishes; I can't breathe air until I'm no longer wet. But the quirk is so much more than that. I become extremely sensitive to light, able to see in complete darkness. I also develop a tolerance to typically fatal pressure levels.
Up until last year, the idea of me being able to live on the bottom of the ocean floor was just a theory. I had no desire to test it out. Going too deep sounded scary. Scary doesn't even begin to describe it.
People think the prolonged exposure to the darkness and depth has made me descend into madness. I've long since learned not to speak of what I've seen, for it only earns me judgemental glares or pitiful stares. Nobody believes me.
My therapist encourages me to keep a journal about what I do every day, to remind me about what's real. I like the idea of keeping a journal. I'll write down the truth here, and, maybe, years in the future, they can clear my name. When they see those beasts, they'll realize that I'm not insane.
If you're reading this, and my claims have already been confirmed as true, know that Peri Marie Garret was not insane.
* . • . • . • . • °. •. • . • . • . ✦• . • . • . • . •. . • . • . • ★ . • . ★ . ° . • . • . • *. • * . •★ . ° . • . • . .
I don't know how long I was underwater. I'm told I was missing for months, but it felt like it had to be at least a year.
I should give a little context. I'm an American, currently 20. I've always been in love with Japanese culture, and one of my few life dreams was to live there for at least a month. I finally got my chance at age 19. The details aren't important. I had a choice between a boat and a plane. When I saw the course, I chose plane without hesitating. The path crossed the Devils Sea. Even though I didn't fully believe in the rumors about things such as the Dragons or Bermuda Triangle, I'm a bit superstitious by nature. I didn't want to be near those waters.
I will it this: I don't what caused the crash. I just the fall. I couldn't move any part of my body but my head. Pushed by the force of me falling, I realized a part of the plane was wrapped around me like a blanket, crushed around my body by something. I couldn't move anything but my head.
At first, there was only panic. I was falling to my death, I couldn't move, and there were sounds I couldn't identify. Human yells of fear were comforting, because compared to everything else I was hearing, they were the only things that made sense. After a few moments, the panic subsided, and only resignation remained.
And even though I was made for the sea, that doesn't mean I remained conscious when I hit the water.
* . • . • . • . • °. •. • . • . • . ✦• . • . • . • . •. . • . • . • ★ . • . ★ . ° . • . • . • *. • * . •★ . ° . • . • . .
I could write about the sharks and the squids and the Japanese spider crabs. But you can look those up. They're nothing. What you can't look up is why the ocean floor was moving.
When I came to, I was still wrapped safely in the metal of my plane. I didn't do anything at first, in a combination of shock and fear. I was alone at the bottom of the Dragons Triangle. I stared up at the darkness above me, aware there had to be light hidden above the shadows. And I considered just falling back asleep. There was no way I was getting out of this situation. Wouldn't it be better to die in my sleep than consciously tire myself out trying to survive?
I had closed my eyes, deciding it to be the most humane choice available. As I fell back asleep, somebody drummed their fingers on a table. Somebody drummed their fingernails, except it was several octaves lower, several decibels louder, and I was at the bottom of the sea.
The ground shook, waking me back up. At first, I didn't open my eyes. I was far too weak, too tired. Were sea quakes a thing? It didn't matter, I was already drifting back into the unconscious. That is, until somebody drummed their fingernails again, and a loud, muffled explosion sounded. It sounded like a distant landslide, but the water vibrated around me.
My eyes shot open. Above me was darkness, but not the same smooth darkness that came with miles of water. It was rough, with a texture. I know I said I can see in the complete absence of light, but my vision isn't perfect. It took me a while to realize that it was rough because there was a large cavern ceiling above me. My memory was fuzzy, but I didn't being in a cave last time I woke up. It wouldn't be until later that would realize that, even if I had initially woken up in a cave, it wouldn't have made sense. I was an outside entity that fell into the water. There was a little wiggle room for drifting partially into a cave, but this deep? Unless a creature had pulled me in, it wouldn't have been possible.
The ground shook again, and I was overtaken by another wave of fear. The confusing circumstances and odd noises lead me to investigate. I didn't see why not. With enough effort, I was able to wiggle out of the metal that has encased me. I stayed suspended in the water for a moment before slowly sinking a few inches so my feet felt the ground.
I was confused as I felt rough ground dusted in grit. Wasn't the ocean floor meant to be sand? It wasn't too concerning; I was in a cave after all. What was confusing is that, as I looked around, I noticed large spires rising from the ground. They were slender and a few feet taller than me, covered in small, thin thorns like fur.
I spread my arms out as the ground rumbled again, as if I needed to keep my balance and I couldn't easily remain suspended in the water. There was another muffled landslide, causing the cave around me to shake on its own agenda, independent of the ground I stood on. I watched as a part of the ceiling broke down, dropping loose rocks that rained around one of the spires. The spire shivered, whipping around as if searching for the threat. I pushed off the ground, away from the spire as it reached towards me. It was too short to reach, but I was still terrified. I had never seen anything like this thing. Was it some kind of deep sea organism? I didn't want to let it touch me.
As I floated in place, watching the spire as it resumed it's original position, I watched it move to the side. Not just the spire, the ground had shifted so it was in a new position. A sea quake, perhaps? It would explain the constant rumbling and shaking. It was the only logical reasoning I could think of.
I knew I had decided to just accept my fate. I knew it didn't matter how I died. But I didn't want to die to the spire now swaying in front of me. It didn't look sharp or anything, but I didn't want to take the chances. I didn't want to die in pain, and it had looked an awful lot like the spire was looking for possible threats. I wanted to keep out of this creepy cave. I know that the depths of the ocean was supposed to be full of weird fish, and spent plenty of time looking at the cool, grotesque creatures. This, however, was completely unknown.
Swimming usually takes a lot of energy, and is known to be one of the most tiring physical activities. Not for me. Swimming came as naturally as walking. I tried to gauge which way the entrance to the cave would be, and swam toward it. The floor of the cave was covered in several spires, spaced apart randomly. There were also several areas where the floor had shifted on top of other parts, like tectonic plates grinding against each other. Except these plates were uniform, smooth, and in consistent increments. Like...the exoskeleton of a centipede. Imagine how stupid it is, being scared of the idea of a bug in a situation like this. But it did spur me to move faster.
The low clicking I have been referring to fingernails being drummed against a desk sounded again, and the ground shot forward. The walls of the cave shuddered much more drastically than it had previously, and started to collapse. I panicked, doing my best to twist around the falling debris. I kept my eyes skyward to help keep track of the threats. That was the only reason I noticed the opening above me. I quickly shot upward, dancing around the falling rocks until I slipped through the opening, into free water.
I watched as the floor collapsed into the cave hidden beneath it, throwing sand and grit from the ground to obscure the details. Despite everything being such a mess, I saw the ground still moving. Except, it wasn't the ground. Not all of it. Just one sliver, moving consistently in one direction. Looking to the left revealed the sand in the distance was scarred with what looked like scratch marks. Looking to the right revealed giant pincers.
There was a reason I compared the plates to a giant centipede. It's the only way I know how to explain the creature now below me. A gargantuan centipede. The only difference is I couldn't see it's legs from an eagle-eye view; it was more of a millipede in that way. In case it wasn't clear, I was terrified of bugs at that point in my life. I literally couldn't dream up something worse than this.
It's shell was covered in the spires that I now realize worked similarly to the sensors in a Venus fly trap. Most likely, they served to eliminate any threat that hitched a ride on the creature. It was also covered in rubble from the cave, and I can only assume it had broken it's way through a dead end.
I had been vaguely aware of a squid off to my right, too far to be much of a threat. Especially not compared to the beast that I've taken to calling the Megapede. I was frozen in fear as the top half of the Megapede lifted off the ground, aiming straight for the squid.
Ink was released, completely obscuring my vision of what happened next. But by the time it cleared up, the Megapede was on the ground, and there was nothing left of the squid but a cloud of blood, dyed dark by the ink.
I didn't want to die down there. I had completely changed my mind. I didn't want to die in that cursed area, surrounded by that and God-knows-what-else. I didn't want to decompose, or be eaten by something in these waters. My heart racing, I didn't know what to do. I feared that swimming away too fast would draw attention to me, but also knew I was a sitting duck if I didn't move.
All I could do was watch the Megapede disappear in the distance, snatching up squids and even a whale as it went. Then I ed out in fear.
![Bottom of the Deep Blue | Entry 1-[C]
[C]
[C]𝐈.𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 ━━━━━━
[C]╰─────────────────╮
[C] ̄ ̄ :hearts: :hearts: :hearts: :hearts: :hearts:  ̄ ̄
[C] _______](https://image.staticox.com/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fpa1.aminoapps.programascracks.com%2F7823%2F65fec54193849a59be1a98750480ad423d2460d3r1-320-85_hq.gif)
𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒 ━━━━━━
╰─────────────────╮
 ̄ ̄ :hearts: :hearts: :hearts: :hearts: :hearts:  ̄ ̄
________ ________ ________
───────────────────
If you enjoyed this, please let
me know. This is my first time
exploring this genre, I want to
know if I'm any good at it.
Comments (7)
You watch as the beast perks up and quickly snatches the letter that materialises before it. It slides the letter to you and you open it...
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Hello again, I have finished with your critique, thank you for waiting so patiently!
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-> You did an amazing job laying out the setting. The descriptions using various kinds of imagery paints a perfect image in the reader's head.<-
-> In my opinion, when she begins to investigate you could add a little more conflict in her mind. I mean, a while back she was ready to give up and was content with just sleeping, so something like 'Must I? I must. But...why...' would make the shift a little smoother.(Ignore my example I couldn't think of much else :sweat_smile: )
-> There are few places where I thought you could add a word or two for it to read better. For example, '-weird fish, and spent-" maybe adding 'had' before 'spent' as you are talking about a time before what is currently being said. Especially since the story is already in past tense.
Also in '-referring to fingernails-' you could add 'as' before 'fingernails'.
-> Horror isn't usually a genre I gravitate towards so take what I'm saying next with a grain of salt. I think you did pretty well, because in my opinion laying out the setting is very important in horror so as I said before you did that well. And you also described the creature well, in a way that lets the reader understand why she is afraid.
To add on to that, you also expressed her emotions well, which is another thing I consider to be important while writing horror.
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And that’s all! I hope this helps you improve in any way that it can.
Feel free to ask if you have any questions, I’ll be sure to answer them to the best of my abilities.
If you ever need help on any other posts please tag them with our hashtags so a CCC member can help you!
Goodbye, have a wonderful day!
~Vixen, Associate of the CCC
You hear the soft padding of paws as a beast with rust red fur prowls over and sets a letter by your feet. Feeling its sharp eyes on you, you begin to read-
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Greetings! My name is Vixen, an Associate of The Constructive Criticism Crew here to claim your post!
Before I begin, here’s a few things to keep in mind:
~ This critique is my opinion and I am in no way trying to offend you. I will provide honesty and tips on improvement to the best of my abilities!~
~ Please do not delete this notice or the critique after it, I will need it as proof of my quota!~
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~That’s it! I will now begin my critique and get back to you as soon as I can!~
~Vixen, Associate of the CCC
*happy noises bc none of my stuff has been claimed in ages*
Reply to: rin
:joy: I noticed. Maybe because it's slightly intimidating. It took me a while to muster up the courage to do this, especially since it's my first week. Hopefully I won't mess it up. :sweat_smile:
Reply to: Vixen
I'm sure you'll do fine
WOAHHHHHH, THIS WAS SO GOOD! I WAS SO INVESTED!
#featurethis
Thanks :relaxed: