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  [☄] created on: 30.10.23

[☄] posted on: 31.10.23

[☄] type of blogs: Writing based on my oc.

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   ˢʸⁿᵒᵖˢⁱˢ: ᴬ ʷʳⁱᵗⁱⁿᵍ ᵇᵃˢᵉᵈ ᵒᶠᶠ ᵐʸ ᴼᶜ Seitou Mizuki's ᵇᵃᶜᵏˢᵗᵒʳʸ. ᵀʰⁱˢ ᵖⁱᵉᶜᵉ ᶠᵒᶜᵘˢᵉˢ ᵒⁿ ᵐʸ ᴼᶜ’ˢ ᵍᵘⁱˡᵗʸ ᶜᵒⁿˢᶜⁱᵉⁿᶜᵉ ᵃᶠᵗᵉʳ ʰᵉʳ ᵇʳᵒᵗʰᵉʳ’ˢ ᵈᵉᵃᵗʰ; ᵒʳ ʷʰᵃᵗ ˢᵒᵐᵉ ᵖᵉᵒᵖˡᵉ ˡⁱᵏᵉ ᵗᵒ ᶜᵃˡˡ ‘ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵘʳᵛⁱᵛᵒʳ’ˢ ᵍᵘⁱˡᵗ.’ ᴬᵈᵈⁱᵗⁱᵒⁿᵃˡˡʸ, ⁱᵗ ᶠᵒᶜᵘˢᵉˢ ᵒⁿ ᵃⁿ ⁱⁿᵗᵉʳᵃᶜᵗⁱᵒⁿ ᵇᵉᵗʷᵉᵉⁿ ᵐʸ ᴼᶜ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵃⁿ ᵃˡᵗᵉʳ ᵉᵍᵒ ᵒᶠ ʰᵉʳ ᵈᵉᵃᵈ ᵇʳᵒᵗʰᵉʳ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ʰᵉʳ ᵍᵘⁱˡᵗ ᶠⁱˡˡᵉᵈ ˢᵘᵇᶜᵒⁿˢᶜⁱᵒᵘˢ ᶜʳᵉᵃᵗᵉᵈ, ᵃˢ ᵃ ᵐᵉᵃⁿˢ ᵒᶠ ᶜᵒⁿᶠʳᵒⁿᵗⁱⁿᵍ ʰᵉʳ ᵍᵘⁱˡᵗ ⁱⁿˢⁱᵈᵉ ʰᵉʳ ᵒʷⁿ ʰᵉᵃᵈ ᵗʰʳᵒᵘᵍʰ ᵗʰᵉ ᵐᵉᵈⁱᵘᵐ ᵒᶠ ᵃ ⁿⁱᵍʰᵗᵐᵃʳᵉ. ˢᵒᵐᵉᵗʰⁱⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᴹⁱᶻᵘᵏⁱ ᶠʳᵉqᵘᵉⁿᵗˡʸ ᵉˣᵖᵉʳⁱᵉⁿᶜᵉˢ.

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𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 4k+

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬: Seitou Mizuki, (Late) Seitou Matsu, Ashido Mina.

𝐒𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬: Todoroki Shouto, Kaminari Denki, Asui Tsuyu

𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐬: #Leaderreview

𝐓𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Slight gore, Nausea and Death.

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“Please…forgive me…nii chan.”

All the mathematical equations that were initially a vital part of her central vision began suddenly blurring up and doubling as Seitou struggled to keep her eyes open.

Perhaps, the sleep deprivation from the past few days was finally getting to her.

Her subtle clasp onto the mechanical pencil tightened once she felt her forehead drop, causing her body to jerk up slightly.

An almost drowsy and tired groan escaped her mouth, feeling her eyelids get heavier by each ing second. Falling asleep right now was not an option for Mizuki’s self.

An insomniac self that refused to take naps at night due to her fear of experiencing the same nightmare every time she slept. A nightmare- which made her feel vulnerable and guilty every time she woke up from it. A nightmare which never failed to shake Mizuki’s will to live like a disastrous earthquake of repentance. A nightmare which made Mizuki despise everything about herself and her right to be existing in the present at the cost of someone else’s life. Someone, who could have been saved. Had it not been for her own disgusting incompetence.

There was no way she could fall asleep at 8pm. It was too early. But as much as she hated this weakness mentally, her physical body was at the very brink of its exhaustion before it took a harmful turn.

Shaking her head sideways violently, Seitou Mizuki slapped both her cheeks to wake herself up- rapidly blinking her eyes to get rid of this sleepiness. Trigonometry was more important right now. Although easy for her, but lengthy enough for her make a sacrificial choice between sleep and mathematics- both being something she loved dearly.

Her hands hence began working on her questions once more with ease like usual- which went on till about the next eight minutes or so before she made the mistake of resting her head on her desk while proceeding with her sums. Special thanks to her garbage posture making her neck hurt.

And as one might expect, Seitou Mizuki never realized when she fell asleep; given that her nightmare had already begun weaving its horrors into her surroundings. An unsettlingly cold expanse, devoid of any life or light was painted into Mizuki’s current reality without her awareness.

Her clothing had not changed. It was the same pair of a grey tank top and blue shorts which were twice as big as her own size that she had been wearing; shorts which could also be considered a desperate attempt to keep her late brother as close to herself as possible- since they did belong to him at one point of the past.

The girl’s lifeless blue eyes took a while to get adjusted to the darkness but once they did, they were met with a familiar sight of a roughly cracked concrete road. It was the same road that Mizuki’s brother had breathed his last breaths on.

And in addition to that, the sight of numerous heavily damaged buildings towering over her little figure gave birth to the instantaneous reflex of anxious sweat permeating through her cold skin.

Where was she? Where was her dorm room? Why was she alone? Where was her desk and her homework? What was this uncanny feeling of déjà vu? – she looked around frantically in search of answers; but froze on hearing a familiar voice echo through this corridor that caused the young female to drop to her knees with eyes wide.

As if she had heard a ghost. A ghost's voice that she was extremely glad to hear.

“Aren’t those my shorts? Did you borrow them yourself or did mom lend them to you...I’m guessing, you took them’’.

Asked the cheerful yet a slightly taunting voice of a young man who had just stepped into adulthood. The innocence of his voice proved that.

“Nii chan?”

Seitou Mizuki asked with tears instantly pooling up in her eyes once she identified her brother’s voice. Was he…alive? What was this place? But she ed his funeral. No…he was dead. This was another nightmare, wasn’t it?

The hyperrealism of his gentle yet cheerful voice made it hard for Mizuki to forcefully remind herself that none of this was real. His voice always provided a warm sense of comfort to a Mizuki who had no one but her elder brother to confront within, since childhood. Talking to him always felt as if someone blew ice cold air on the unhealed scars your deepest wounds to cool down their burning ache But- why was she feeling that right now? Was this voice truly the real thing? It could not be.

This was not real. He was dead. Matsu was dead. He had died in her arms. This-this was not happening…

This sudden inability of Mizuki to differentiate between reality and a hallucination had caused the girl’s body to unwillingly curl up on the ground as she clenched her hair- feeling her head beginning to pound against her skull.

Scenes of Matsu’s face in his last moments- contorted in pain that he was trying to hold in and painted with immense blood loss flashed into the young teenager’s mind, making her hands tremble and grip tighter onto her hair till her scalp started hurting.

“None of this is real. It is a nightmare. Matsu nii is dead. He is dead!”

Mizuki mumbled to herself like a helpless young child on the verge of insanity.

After Seitou Matsu- her brother’s accidental death, Mizuki had pretty much lost her ability to cry. Except that the case was not the same in this realm where tears uncontrollably poured out of her eyes. They were very abruptly blinded by a light whose brightness could be compared to that of the Sun’s; followed by feeling a warm hand that rested itself over her head.

Upon looking up…there he was, those same ocean blue eyes and that same pair of lenses engraved into a metallic frame that complimented the maturity of his personality alongside the innocence of his face ever so perfectly. The only difference however was that those eyes were usually always sparkling with hopeful optimism towards life unlike its present state. And watching her brother’s eyes look so dead…did not feel right. Matsu was, right here. His hand, rested on top of her head- just like how it used to whenever he was comforting her. His clothes, his glasses-…the ones he currently wore were his favourite pair. Yes. He was alive. He had to be, otherwise this would be too good to be true.

The young man shone as bright as the stars of a midnight sky to a Mizuki who sat in the darkness of this misery filled realm.

“Gosh stop crying, will you? It does not suit you at all Mizuki.”

Spoke Matsu, as his soft hands moved on from her head to her face, wiping his younger sister’s cheeks who he literally had died for. Watching his little sibling cry even after his death caused him quite the bit of pain, and he was not ready to bear it in this afterlife too.

“You’ve…missed me. Haven’t you?”

That sentence that Seitou Matsu’s mouth uttered, lead the young girl in front of him to finally start bawling like a five-year-old who had lost her way in the middle of a never ending, foreign road of life.

“I have! I really have!! I- I miss your cooking! I miss bickering with you! I miss playing basketball with you! I miss you Matsu nii!!” Mizuki cried out in vulnerability, her salty tears starting to stain her cheeks. Before moving onto hugging her brother while burying her face into his chest. She knew that now she had held him, there was no way she was letting go of him ever again. Never ever.

Mizuki felt his strong and reassuring arms wrap comfortingly around her frame in return, one of his hands gradually beginning to rub her back. This moment- felt like home. Mizuki’s turbulent heart and mind was finally at peace. However, she was unable to hear his heart beating, which was not the case when these siblings hugged each once or twice in a blue moon when he was alive.

Why…? Why was his heart not beating…? He was alive. He was right here in front of her. Then why?

In search of an answer, her eyes glanced up at his face which- although had a sad smile and eyes filled with kindness, was lifeless.

“Wh- why is your…heart not beating?”

Seitou asked, gulping a tight lump down her throat when she felt her brother’s warm hand pull away from her back without an explanation. She did not want to continue experiencing this ghastly emptiness inside this dark and cold realm. It made her feel queasy and made her skin crawl.

Mizuki’s hands reached out and grabbed onto her brother’s. Refusing to let him pull it away from her. She had greatly missed the warmth of his hands. Why was he pulling it away?

Very unexpectedly, however, Matsu slapped her hand away rather harshly.

He had been much harsher before when they fought as siblings. Hell- they were at each other’s throats most of the time. But this was not a time to be playing around? Right?

“How would it Mizuki? Especially when you are the one who killed me?”

Said Matsu, only for his body to begin morphing into a visibly painful state of what he looked like in his last moments- while his brightness gradually diminished, letting the darkness assert its dominance.

His frame suddenly stopped moving and collapsed to the ground like a broken mannequin, while his gentle voice which was suddenly laced with nothing but absolute hatred and anger, emerged from behind Mizuki.

The ravenette turned her head around, only to find a second body of his towering over her with a spine-chilling gaze that had managed to pierce through Seitou’s usually tough exterior. It looked just as injured as how it did back then, when he had died. This new figure of his… his eyes were not kind anymore. They held in within immense disgust and rage. Similar to a revengeful look that a villain gave a hero while fighting their last battle.

Mizuki turned her head back. To find Matsu’s previous body lying on the broken road. Lifeless, crushed and bleeding out. Just like that day.

It caused Seitou’s heart to start palpitating within her chest. Although Matsu rarely ever got this angry, once he did, he was to be genuinely feared. And his current expression held the same anger.

Why was he this angry at her? What had she done? Matsu usually never expressed any forms of anger towards her unless they were arguing over something…then why? After this long? Matsu never said things like this...then why?

She tried to stand up, only for her body to fall back down on realising that she had no strength left in her legs.

What was happening? Why could she not feel her legs? Why was Matsu staring into her soul in such a repulsive manner? It caused tears to well up in her eyes once more out of nothing but pure fear.

“Do not worry Mizuki. Thanks to you, I cannot feel my legs anymore either. I think you can handle feeling the same for a while…right? “.

“Wh-...what are you talking about nii chan?”

The girl asked him, being unable to make any sense of these peculiar claims of his within this extremely foreign and unsettling realm.

“You know exactly what I am talking about.”

He replied in a heavy and emotionless tone, crouching down to Mizuki’s height before his hand gripped onto both her cheeks tightly- to avert her gaze right into his own.

“You killed me before I could live my life, Mizuki. You could have sought help for me, right? I was fighting for my life to breathe while I asked you to continue living on. You could have helped me while I ed out, right? You could have helped me, RIGHT?! IT IS YOUR FAULT THAT I COULD NOT LIVE ON FURTHER! RIGHT??!!!”

The injured Matsu yelled out at Mizuki with tears spilling out of his own eyes while his grip on her cheeks tightened hard enough for Mizuki to wince out in pain.

Her heart sank to a level lower than the gates of hell as a sad wave of guilt crashed over her conscience, drenching her in the wetness of regret. An unsettling wetness similar to that of when a corner of one’s socks are minimally soaked in water.

She felt his rage through the strength with which he had grabbed her face. Matsu had never ever dared to raise a hand at Mizuki unless they were fighting as siblings. But the pain she felt- she perhaps…deserved it.

Mizuki’s logical mind searched through and held up the flashcard of reality in her head. The flashcard of the fact that a hero had refused to help her by prioritising their own life over her and her brother’s. But an opposing logic revealed itself, arguing that she had also held the ability to stand up and seek help. Why had she not done that? Why had she been unable to move her body when her brother was taking his last breaths?

As her head fought a battle of deducing whether it was truly her fault or not, Seitou Mizuki’s guilty self was unable to look into her brother’s tear-filled eyes- causing her to shut them down and turn her head away from his grip.

The inside of her head felt like a courtroom with Mizuki’s own self on trial, while her hands stayed tied with chains of regret that made her wrists bleed and her mouth forced shut by Seitou’s fourteen-year-old self who had let her brother die. And that state simply worsened when Matsu’s hate filled voice began echoing around and inside her head.

“It is your fault that I died.,” “You killed me, Mizuki.,”

You prevented me from living my life.”

Were the words that echoed in her head, as if a hundred Matsus were seeking justice in her courtroom.

Outside her head however, Seitou Mizuki’s breaths fastened rapidly while beads of sweat formed and rolled down her neck and forehead- soaking through her clothes.

Her eyelids opened once more, only for her to start hearing the voices of a hundred Matsus questioning her as to why she did not make the effort to save him, while his injured figure stared down at her with nothing but disappointment in this shamefaced reality.

She felt nauseous. Her ears began ringing. All these voices…they were hindering her ability to think rationally about this. Only if they could stop. Even if for a few seconds. They had to stop.

And her feeble attempt to prevent these voices was executed by her hands covering her ears as she felt herself getting drenched in sweat. Her hands trembled wildly, being unable to control her tears or thoughts anymore- which was denoted by all the voices inside her head began turning mushy and inaudible.

“I’m…. sorry….”

Seitou barely managed to whisper out, especially with her tears choking her already laboured breathing.

It led to a light chuckle, which soon progressed into an audibly sarcastic laugh to erupt from Matsu’s self, as he forcefully pulled Mizuki’s hands away from her ears with strength that even she could not resist against.

“Do you seriously think such a flimsy apology will work right now Mizuki? Look over there.”

Said the young man before forcing her sister’s neck to glance over towards a sight that made the poor girl’s stomach turn.

It was a sight where instead of her brother, laid her own half-crushed body under the debris of the damaged buildings. Addition to which, another clone of her brother stood peering at her sister’s half dead frame- doing absolutely nothing.

“Don’t you think that it should have been you instead of me? Don’t you think, you could have sacrificed yourself to save me even though you had the chance, just like how I did for you?” Matsu questioned Mizuki, making sure that she took a good look at the sight that should have been the reality.

“No……. no...!”

Cried out Mizuki as a part of her guilty conscience gradually began agreeing with what Matsu said, while another part of hers secretly wished to live.

Yes. It should have been her instead of him. Why did Matsu have to lose his life over hers? He was much better of a hero than she could ever be anyway. Why was she the one who lived then? What was it that made her hang onto the hope of life? Was it the last few words Matsu had said that she had ingrained into her heart? Those last few words that asked her to continue living on even if he died?

Seitou Matsu made the girl look back at him, while his own face was inches away from hers. His brows frowned out of pure confusion and detestation with his eyes bloodshot and teary.

“No? NO?! What is that supposed to mean?! Does that mean you willingly let me die out of greed to live your own life, Mizuki?! You are a selfish one after all huh?! And it is nothing but funny because I am not even surprised by that answer- because it sounds just like your true self! DOESN’T IT?! SEITOU MIZUKI?!”

“Hey. Do you not the times I argued with mom and dad for your sake? Did you truly never consider the things I had been going through but never revealed to make sure that your smile never disappeared? Did you ever ask me how I was doing? - Oh wait. Why would you? My presence had always been taken as granted to your self-centred self after all.”

He pulled away from her with a disheartened scoff.

“None-…none of that is true…none of that.”

Mizuki whispered in a state of extreme breathlessness, while secretly begging for him to stop talking. She shook her head sideways in intense denial, simply because she knew that all of his claims were simply factual. So factual that her heart ached with every beat. So factual that her throat hurt every time she took a breath in. So factual that she…she wished for the ability to go back in time and fix all these mistakes.

“It is, Mizuki. No matter how much you try to deny it, all of it is true. And now look at you, pretending to be a ‘hero’ to make up for all this. Pfft-”

“I am sorry to break it to you my dear, but everyone you try to protect will end up dying just like I did. Because at the end of the day, you are simply a selfish little girl. Because you always choose your own life over someone else’s. That is not what a hero does. See over there? That is your future.”

Seitou Matsu declared in a sing-song tone, embracing his sibling in a hug so gentle yet so uncomfortably tight that it frightened Mizuki till her core, before slowly making her look over to the side.

He made her look at a sight that caused all the guilty voices in her head to quiet down instantaneously.

It was a sight so sickening, so frightful, so distressing that Seitou Mizuki could not feel her body anymore. All she felt was hot tears streaming down her face and intense nausea, upon seeing her precious classmates lying just as injured, crushed, and lifeless as her late brother on the side, while clones of her fourteen-year-old self did nothing but stare at their bodies.

Ashido, Denki, Tsuyu and Shouto…they were all…dead.

Her other treasured classmates were all…DEAD!

And just to make that worse, an uneasy feeling of warmth spread through both her hands, causing her to glance down at the same.

It was blood.

Her classmates’ and her brother’s blood. Which had also pooled around the broken road she sat upon- painting itself over her pale skin and seeping through her clothes.

The lifeless world around her gradually began spinning and her vision lost focus. The girl helplessly covered her mouth while her blue pupils unwillingly darted around her surroundings, realising that she was surrounded by multiple corpses of her classmates and her brother that had died because of her selfishness and incapability.

Seitou could taste the metallic tinge of blood in her mouth as her classmates’ and Matsu’s voices began echoing around her spinning world.

“Why did you not protect us Seitou chan? You have a strong quirk.” Questioned Denki’s voice.

“Mizu chan? Do we really not matter to you? I thought we were friends?” Ashido’s voice asked in a sorrowful tone.

“Why didn’t you save me Mizuki? I wanted to live.” Matsu asked her again.

“No…NO!... PLEASE NO…!! NII CHAN I’M SORRY PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!”

Mizuki’s cracking voice screamed out, till her brother placed his hand on her head once more in an attempt to calm his sister down, using his same old method.

“Who am I to stop this? Maybe you should not have abandoned me like that Mizuki. Then none of this would have happened in the first place. It really hurts you know? Even after my death, it hurts. But see? You yet again are choosing your own mental peace over confronting your guilt. Such a coward you are Mizuki. At least…my younger sibling should not have turned out like this.”

“I so wish…that I was never an elder brother to a heartless wimp like you. Then I would not have had to lose my life to a person as worthless as you at least.”

Were the last words he whispered out to her before Mizuki felt the road underneath her to start breaking apart. She felt her brother’s warm hand push against her head, causing her to fall into a pit that opened with the road dividing itself into two.

As if Matsu, her own brother had pushed her into death.

Into an ice cold, eerily silent, empty, and dark pit of guilt.

“Eh..?”

Was all she could ask on not feeling the ground underneath herself anymore, as she watched the sight of Matsu and her classmates levitate higher and higher while her own body descended into darkness.

She helplessly watched the road’s crack above her beginning ing back. As if, it was attempting to seal her within an inescapable realm of lamentation forever.

“I’m…sorry...nii chan...”

Seitou Mizuki whispered hopelessly, shutting her eyes closed. Knowing that this was the fate she truly deserved- till she heard another familiar voice.

“Sei...to...an? Seitou chan? Seitou chan can you hear me? Please wake up Seitou chan!”

A loud gasp and a very visible jerk erupted from Mizuki upper half as her eyes opened back up.

Mizuki’s heart was pounding loud enough for her to feel as if she might die of a heart attack at that very moment. Her vision was blurred with tears that had rolled down her pale cheeks and soaked up half of her maths homework. But not blurred enough for her to be unable to make out the pink figure in front of her.

It was Ashido, who had been doing her best to wake up her classmate who was clearly in immense distress.

“Seitou chan are you okay!? You look very pale right now! Can you breathe? Do you need your inhaler? Gosh you absolutely do not look fine! Let me get some help!” The pink haired girl asked, before yelling out for some other classmates’ attention.

Breathing huh…?

She could not. Her tears and asthma prevented her from doing so.

Ashido’s voice was simply beginning to sound like a malfunctioning robot’s- due to the lack of oxygen in her head.

But getting oxygen did not matter to her right now- for she ed that nightmare clearer than water.

“Please…forgive me…. nii chan..”

Muttered out Mizuki before her mental exhaustion gradually overpowered her consciousness.