OC Review | Akako Shiyuki

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To submit your OC to be critiqued, go

Shiyuki.

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Shiyuki's quirk is so simple, yet quite

unique. It's a versatile quirk, with

multiple uses. The one complaint I'd

have is that it doesn't clarify if Shiyuki

is affected by her quirk. The side

effects are rather tame, from

sneezing to burning eyes, but they'd

be enough to give the an edge in

battle. Issue is, if Shiyuki is also

affected by her quirk, she's also

dealing with those effects. The range

is described as "various range," but

I'd imagine the quirk is more effective

at closer range, because the pepper

would dissipate in the air the further it

traveled. It seems that Shiyuki is

powerless against any villain with a

long-ranged quirk, because nowhere

in the wiki does it describe any long-

ranged weapons/ gear.

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I absolutely love the asymmetry of

Shiyuki's bangs. It gives a really

unique and distinguishing look to her.

The white color looks natural on her,

despite the rest of her color scheme

being warm colors. Her hero

costume, however, doesn't make

much sense with her quirk. Her quirk

specifically mentions that the pepper

comes from the skin, and the more

exposed skin, the more pepper that

can be released. However, other than

some holes in the thighs, there is no

effort to expose skin. As a matter of

fact, it looks like there are unnecessary

accessories that serve to only cover

skin, such as the gloves and boots.

The wiki explains that Shiyuki isn't

good in combat and relies on her

quirk; how can she rely on her quirk

when she's limited it so much?

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The personality section relies heavily

on examples. Keep in mind that, at

this point in the wiki, nobody knows

what you're talking about when you

refer "when she gave the stamp to

Night Eye" or "when she put Rock

Lock's life in danger." When explaining a

personality, don't use examples from

their backstory; save the backstory

stuff for the backstory section. Mentioning

stuff like the fact she knows Rock Lock and

Night Eye is fine, but using such

specific examples is just confusing

because the reader doesn't know

about that yet. Instead of saying "She

also seems to be an optimistic and

hard working person as shown when

Nighteye rejected her gift," say

something more general, like "She is

an optimistic and hardworking

person, using criticism and denials as

motivation to get better." This will

help the reader get a more clear idea

with how she handles different stimuli.

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Shiyuki's backstory is only concerned

about her relationship with Canon

characters. Having relationships with

Canon characters is great, and I love

the details behind the specific

encounters. The issue is, there's

nothing about her personal life, which [c]makes her feel less like her own character.

What about her family, her life growing

up, why she wanted to be a hero, why

is she into sculpting, etc? The only

details about her life are the ones relating

to Canon characters; an OC should be

more than just the characters you

want them to be d with.

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!?   #ochelperadvice

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