Hello! Here it is! My first Agency Prompt Entry. This month's prompt is Spring Cleaning, and I decided to complete this draft that had been laying untouched for several months for which I had never found the time to complete.
I'm glad I finally got around to writing this and am excited to share it with everyone.
Things to note: This is the prologue to a fanfiction I'm writing. I most likely won't post the rest here but rather on some other site like Wattpad or AO3, which I'll link once I get around to it (hopefully within the next week or so).
That said, I hope you enjoy! :blush: :blush:
Word count: 1,253
Time Taken: idk...10-11 hours probably.
Characters: Akame (OC), Midoriya Izuku
Trigger Warning: Nothing that doesn't happen in MHA, If I specified I'd spoil the story. Just know it isn't exactly happy.
Synopsis: Akame is a young boy born with a dangerous quirk, treated like a monster by everyone around him. Well, nearly everyone, he finds solace in the presence of the only one he can call his friend, Izuku. But will this solace last forever? What happens when his quirk becomes a beacon for unwanted attention? Will his future be forever altered?
Tags: #Curatorreview
Open Your Eyes
Prologue
“Haaaa...”
Izuku ran forward and threw his arms around his friend, startling the boy.
“Hey!” He yelped and shook the other boy off him.
“It’s been so long since I’ve seen you. I missed you! Where have you been?” He untangled himself from his friend.
“I’ve been stuck at home,” The boy smiled. “I missed you too.”
“What are you doing here, Akame?” Izuku asked as he sat down beside his friend on the shore of the lake. He turned to look at him and, noticing the blindfold covering his eyes, frowned.
“I didn’t want to stay at home anymore so I came here,” Akame replied.
“Why are you wearing that blindfold again?”
“Oh,” The boy tensed lightly, “My mother told me to wear it so I don’t hurt anyone.”
“But then you can’t see anything,” Izuku protested.
“She said that shouldn’t bother me if I didn’t want to hurt anyone.”
“That’s not fair. You can control your quirk now.” Izuku reached up and yanked the blindfold off Akame’s head.
“Hey!” He tried to grab it back from Izuku, but he was keeping his eyes tightly shut so he couldn’t see where Izuku had flung the blindfold. “Give it back to me!”
“No,” Izuku said with a huff, “There’s no one here. So you don’t have to wear this stupid thing.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Akame said quietly, “Please.”
“You won’t hurt me. Like I said, you can control your quirk now, and you don’t want to hurt me so you won’t.” Izuku gently took Akame’s hands in his own. “I trust you.”
He hesitated, still unsure.
“C’mon, open your eyes Akame,” Izuku said, “Please, for me?”
He took a deep breath. Then, slowly, the boy opened his eyes.
Akame’s eyes never fail to amaze Izuku. The deep red of his iris like a fire burning, ready to
set ablaze anything falling within its gaze. The captivating dark void like a black hole contained within his slit pupil, a darkness that spread beyond his iris to cover his eye.
Unlike Izuku’s wide emerald eyes, Akame's eyes weren’t full of curious wonder and excitement. But instead filled with fear and pain. Filled with doubt and desperate hope as he peered at his friend through pale gray locks falling over his eyes as if waiting to cover them at any second. Waiting...
Nothing happened.
Izuku didn’t cry out, didn’t scream. He didn’t behave as if his mind had been set on fire. Like pain had washed through his body, leaving him in agony. Instead, he sat there and beamed at Akame.
“See,” He grinned “Nothing happened. I’m fine. I told you you could do it.”
Hesitantly Akame returned the smile. Before turning around and reaching for the blindfold.
“Hey, why are you taking that again?” Izuku asked, making a grab for it.
“Even if I’m not using my quirk my eyes are still scary,” He replied, dejected.
Izuku frowned, “Your eyes aren’t scary, what makes you think that?” He asked, confused.
“Everyone says that.”
“I don’t think your eyes are scary.”
Akame stops trying to pull the blindfold away from Izuku. “You don’t?”
“No. I think your eyes are really pretty.”
Akame inhales sharply and looks up at Izuku, confusion written all over his face.
“Your eyes are unique. Nobody else has eyes like yours. They’re like a cat’s but not like a cat’s, you know? Like a snake, maybe, but not that creepy. I think it makes you look cool and mysterious.” He laughs, oblivious to the effect his words were having on the other boy.
“You really don’t think they’re scary?” Akame whispered.
Izuku shook his head.
“You think they look cool?”
“Yeah,” Izuku grinned.
Akame looked up at Izuku once again, blindfold forgotten, and smiled. For once, he felt warm. He never wanted the day to end. He didn’t want to return ‘home’ and wished to stay beside Izuku forever. Izuku is the only one who doesn’t make him feel like a monster. And Akame believed he never would.
“Now come on, let’s play something before we have to go.”
Ignoring the mention of leaving, Akame hummed in agreement “Okay. What do you want to play?”
Izuku’s eyes lit up. “Let’s go find Kacchan!”
The smile disappeared. “I don’t want to play with Kacchan. He’s always so mean to us. He always makes me play the villain and he won’t stop calling me 'Akumu'.” He kicked a stone from the shore into the lake.
“Plus, he always calls you Deku and pushes you around.”
Izuku giggled at his friend’s show of frustration. “Alright. So what do you want to do?”
Akame cocked his head, brows furrowing as he considered the best way to spend his momentary freedom. Then he smiled brightly. “I got it!”
==================
An hour later, both boys were laughing on the ground underneath a large tree.
“I-I told you I could do it this time,” Akame said, sitting back up again.
“You didn’t climb the whole tree,” Izuku argued, still laughing, “You ran back halfway.”
“There was a squirrel there. If I went any higher I’m sure it would have thrown nuts at me."
“That doesn’t happen. You were just scared."
“Did you see it?” Akame protested with a pout, “It looked so evil.”
Izuku laughed again, specks of dirt raining from his dark green hair as his body shook with uncontained mirth.
“Okay, okay. We have to go back now. Mom will worry if I go back too late.”
Akame nodded, slightly disappointed. “Yeah, I should pro-"
“Hello, boys,”
They both startled and looked in the direction of the voice.
A woman was walking towards them, smiling widely.
“You’re Akame, aren’t you?” She said, fixing her gaze on the small boy as he stood beside Izuku.
“W-Who are you?” He asked and they both started backing away from the woman whose eyes seemed to glitter like a wolf who had cornered its prey. But they didn’t get far before they bumped into a man who had come up behind them silently. The man looked down at them and huffed, “Are you sure this is him? He looks smaller than I expected.”
“Yes, the file said he was only five. This fits.” The woman replied.
He nodded as if satisfied and then grabbed Akame as they turned and tried to run. Akame cried out and, panicking, unintentionally activated his quirk.
The woman screamed and fell to her knees while making her way towards them.
“Brat,” The man gritted out. Then he raised a clawed hand and slashed Akame’s arm, while taking care to keep the boy’s face turned away. Akame made a weak attempt to get out of the man’s grip before falling limp and being dropped to the ground.
Izuku was horrified. He yelled and charged at the man only to be caught in the man's tight grip before feeling claws dig into his shoulder.
He collapsed to the ground, unable to move. He fought desperately against the darkness trying to engulf his mind. In the last few seconds before he lost consciousness, Izuku saw both the intruders disappear into the ground, taking Akame with them.
.
.
.
.
At the time, little did Izuku know, that the next time he sees Akame, he would be staring into to the merciless eyes of a cold blooded killer. Little did he know that the boy he once called his friend would be the one holding a burning knife to his chest. Engraving words onto his flesh and mind.
THE END
Of the prologue that is. :grin:
A/N: I'm really excited to get to writing the rest of the story. I've been wanting to for months and now I finally can. Hopefully it was intriguing enough that you might consider reading the book. I'll make a post sharing the link when I get started.
Akame is my OC that I..have yet to make a wiki for :sweat_smile: . I promise I will do it as soon as I get the time. Until then, If you have any questions feel free to ask. I'll answer if it doesn't include spoilers for the story. Or if you're fine with that I'll answer anyway.
The art does not belong to me. I edited the cover image using PicsArt. The picture I used for Akame is by this amazing person. And the image of Izuku is by this lovely person.
Goodbye. Thank you for reading and have a lovely day!!
![Open Your Eyes -Prologue-[IC]Hello! Here it is! My first Agency Prompt Entry. This month's prompt is Spring Cleaning, and I d](https://image.staticox.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fpm1.aminoapps.programascracks.com%2F7868%2F44750ebc2eb8093674adc91eb72d1b4b5e341679r1-2048-1611v2_hq.jpg)
![Open Your Eyes -Prologue-[IC]Hello! Here it is! My first Agency Prompt Entry. This month's prompt is Spring Cleaning, and I d](https://image.staticox.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fpm1.aminoapps.programascracks.com%2F7868%2Fcf030a698fe6b3436495ee80d8d383af09079a3cr1-444-720v2_hq.jpg)
![Open Your Eyes -Prologue-[IC]Hello! Here it is! My first Agency Prompt Entry. This month's prompt is Spring Cleaning, and I d](https://image.staticox.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fpm1.aminoapps.programascracks.com%2F7868%2Fb1be3f765f3f15ab19bef95bfa978eb88a715829r1-400-509v2_hq.jpg)
Comments (10)
:flags: Review notice! :flags:
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
Hello again, I have finished
with your critique, thank you
for waiting so patiently!
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
:wind_chime: - Your use of imagery was wonderful! The wording paints a very well-done picture in the minds of the audience/reader, and I applaud you for that!
:wind_chime: - There are a few instances in the dialogue where the sentence structure can be fixed, as there are points in your story where instead of ending sentences, you can seperate them by using commas, semi-colons, etc. That way, you can have smoother transitions and more natural dialogue
:wind_chime: - In addition, there are a few times in these ages where it is unclear who is completing an action or speaking. There are several uses of pronouns, which can be slightly confusing and can be better constructed by using character names or descriptions
(I.e. "the green-eyed boy" can be used to replace a few inserts of the pronouns "he/him". Doesn't have to be this exactly, but this is simply an example).
:wind_chime: - Overall, your story was a good read and the character descriptions were very nice as well! Your use of figurative language was very effective as well.
Keep up the good work!
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
And that’s all! I hope this
helps you improve in any way
that it can.
If you ever need help on any
other posts, please tag them
with our hashtags so a CCC
member can help you! Have a
wonderful day, and feel free
to me if you ever have
any questions!
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
- Atticus, associate of CCC
Reply to: Vixen
Of course!! I truly hope this helps you, I can already see that you have lots of potential!
And yes, Annabeth is my profile picture :D
Reply to: ➹𝒜 ៹.tticus༢
Aww..Thank you. And you did help. :grin:
Also, you have great taste. Annabeth is one of my favourite characters of all time. PJO is my life. It's killing me that I don't have time to read Tower of Nero as of now :confounded: :sob: . Have you?
Reply to: Vixen
Not yet :(
Unfortunately I haven't had much time for reading lately, but when summer rolls around I'll be sure to get that done!
:flags: Claim notice incoming! :flags:
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
Greetings! My name is Atticus,
and I am an associate of
Constructive Criticism Crew and
I'm here to claim your post!
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
Before I begin, here’s a few
things to keep in mind:
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
:wind_chime: This critique is my opinion
and I am in no way trying to
offend you. I will provide
honesty and tips on improvement
to the best of my abilities!
:wind_chime: Please do not delete this
notice or the critique after it,
I will need it as proof of my
quota!
:wind_chime: Please be patient while I
review your work and I will
get back to you within 24 hours!
:wind_chime: That’s it! I will now begin
my critique and get back to you
as soon as I can!
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
- Atticus, associate of CCC
(I apologize for the inconvenience, I had to re-write my initial message before I could comment it again :sweat_smile: )
It's alright :grin: . This is your first one isn't it? I haven't even started mine cause I'm too nervous :sweat_smile: . Take your time, I'm in no hurry.
Reply to: Vixen
Thank you, and good luck!! :purple_heart: :purple_heart: :purple_heart: