May I have your attention, please?

May I have your attention, please?

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

We're gonna have a problem here

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before

Jaws all on the floor like Pam like Tommy just burst in the door

And started whoopin' her ass worse than before

They first were divorced, throwin' her over furniture (agh!)

It's the return of the "ah, wait, no way, you're kidding

He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"

And Dr. Dre said, nothing, you idiots!

Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement (ha ha!)

Feminist women love Eminem

"Chicka, chicka, chicka, Slim Shady, I'm sick of him

Look at him, walkin' around, grabbin' his you-know-what

Flippin' the you-know-who"

"Yeah, but he's so cute though"

Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose

But no worse than what's goin' on in your parents' bedrooms

Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just let loose

But can't, but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose

"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"

And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss

And that's the message that we deliver to little kids

And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is

Of course they're gonna know what intercourse is

By the time they hit fourth grade

They've got the Discovery Channel, don't they?

We ain't nothin' but mammals, well, some of us, cannibals

Who cut other people open like cantaloupes

But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes

Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope

But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote

Women, wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus, and it goes

I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up?

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up?

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records

Well, I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!

You think I give a damn about a Grammy?

Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me

"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"

Why, so you guys could just lie to get me here?

So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears?

Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs

So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst

And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first

Little bitch put me on blast on MTV

"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee"