Since the beginning of the school year, I’ve been wearing nothing but the same clothes every single week. Every day, picking out clothes to wear feels like a burden to me.
Every piece of clothing that my parents have gotten me has made me feel so insecure, and I have to repeat those same clothes for months and months. I can’t even have my own opinion on what I want to wear, or my parents get began to yell at me for not liking the same things as them.
Today is the perfect example. This morning, I asked my parents for new clothes. However, my mom began to yell, saying I have piles of clothes in my closet. The clothes in question are the same ones I have been wearing my whole life.
Since kindergarten, my clothes have been collecting in that closet, and my mom is asking me to wear those same ones? When I said those clothes are from years ago and don’t fit me, she claimed it was because of my weight, saying I’m too fat to wear any of my old clothes. Not only that, but she called me a “psychopath” for being insecure. She called me a psychopath for my insecurities, having anxiety, and said I shouldn’t have been born. When did I ask for this? I didn’t ask to be born, anyway. I just wanted new clothes. I just wanted something that could make me confident. I just wanted something to look forward to. I dont really even have a source of happiness…
But even getting clothes is too much to ask for. I didn’t even want to spike an argument with my mom, I just asked for something different to wear…
It feels so difficult. It’s so rare that I ever have something new to wear. I hope I’m not coming off as spoiled, but I feel so incredibly jealous when I see people walking by every day with new stuff to wear, and I wish it was me. I wish my parents would accept my own style, but I’m not sure if they ever will…
I don’t know how much longer I will be having to pick out the same crusty hoodie I wear every week, and be feeling terrible about myself…
And even if I do get new clothing, I know my parents are going to make me feel guilty about it. Anytime I’m feeling upset or insecure about myself, they will remind me of how much money they spent on me, and how much of a burden I am to them, even from one shirt.
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