𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐋

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒

𝟘𝟝.𝟚𝟙.𝟚𝟝

! trigger warning :

depression, anxiety !

i wake up with the sun

behind the blinds, not golden,

not warm, just there. it watches

me, maybe out of pity, maybe

just habit.

my body is a question mark

curled on the mattress, and

the answer is always, not today.

the toothbrush lies still in the cup,

white bristles like teeth, mocking

the ones in my mouth that ache

for attention i can’t give. even lifting

my arm feels like asking mountains

to move.

there’s a pile of clothes on the chair,

not dirty, not clean, just waiting,

like me. my fingers reach, hesitate,

retreat. the decision of cotton or

denim is too sharp for this hour,

or this life.

the world outside is always moving.

i hear it in the footsteps above, in

the barking of a dog next door, in the

engine that revs like it has purpose.

i don’t.

people say “just take a walk”

as if sidewalks were spells,

as if air could mend what’s inside.

but my shoes are heavy

and my knees won’t listen.

i stare at them like a parent stares

at a child too tired to try anymore.

i used to laugh.

i that

like a story someone told

me once. it had a beginning

and an end but the middle is gone.

sometimes i cry and the tears

are silent, sneaking past my eyelids

like they’re ashamed of me. i want

to scream, but the walls are too close

and the silence might break if i speak.

my phone lights up.

a message.

‘are you okay?’

i type ‘i’m fine.’

i always do.

because how do you

explain that brushing your hair

feels like climbing a mountain

in the rain with no shoes

and no one waiting at the top?

sometimes i try.

i get up.

i touch the sink.

i hold the spoon.

i look at the sky

like maybe today it

will look back.

but mostly,

i drift between

wanting to be seen

and praying no one notices.

i am not lazy.

i am not weak.

i am tired in a way

sleep cannot fix.

i am trying in ways

no one will ever see.

and if you ask me

what hurts the most,

it’s that i can’t do the

easy things. not anymore.

not yet. but maybe one day.

                 - 𝓼.

—

#FeatureReview

! UNFORTUNATELY COULD NOT FIND

ORIGINAL IMAGE CREDIT !