𝓣𝐡𝐞 𝓢𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝓸𝐟 𝓗𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤

TW: Experience of Heartbreak

At this point in her life, Darlene desired nothing else besides screaming.

She sat wordlessly in her pastel living room. The soft rays of the morning sun caressed her pale complexion as if attempting to cradle the dazed lady in its warmth. A few days ago, Darlene stumbled upon several blogs and websites that discuss the benefits of sunlight for a person’s health. It is said that sunlight helps boost one’s mood. Furthermore, they claimed that it causes the brain to release more Serotonin— which is associated with calmness and mindful joy.

If so, then why is she getting the exact opposite reaction?

“𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰, 𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐦𝐧 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠.” A gruff voice interrupted Darlene’s introspection. Her head snapped upwards, and the soft pop and stiff sensation on her neck led her to learn that she had been staring at the teal surface of her coffee table the whole time.

How long has she been doing this?

“𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐥,” the voice continued. “𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐲. 𝐘𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐚 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫. 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞, 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐠𝐞. 𝐈𝐭 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐢𝐠𝐞𝐬𝐭.” Indeed, she heard its accent, the softness of its tone, and the kindness its words held. Likewise, she understood what its intentions were. However, Darlene could not seem to bring herself to listen.

“𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐧, 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐥. 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐞.”

𝕀 𝕔𝕒𝕟’𝕥. 𝕀 𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕥 𝕥𝕠. 𝔹𝕦𝕥 𝕀 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪 𝕔𝕒𝕟’𝕥.

“𝕀’𝕞 𝕥𝕣𝕪𝕚𝕟𝕘, ℝ𝕒𝕗𝕗𝕚𝕖.” She weakly answered.

Once again, Darlene drowned herself in the depths of Grief. At this point in her life, she felt that swimming toward the surface was an impossible feat.

When Addie rejected her, Darlene thought she could handle the truth as if it weighed nothing. She always knew that his affections and heart lay elsewhere. He is a good person. He is one of her best friends— her ride-or-die buddy. Nonetheless, days after her confession and his rejection, the shock wore off, and the sudden realization of the gravity of the shituation crippled Darlene.

The first thing that came into her mind was: Heartbreak is not Beautiful. At least, not initially, or not how melodramatic films portray it. Darlene knew that Addie did not owe her anything. She also knew that he tried his best to lay the truth down with respect, clarity, and a hint of gentleness. Nevertheless, she fought the urge to curse him.

What a sick joke.

Darlene found it quite perplexing that Heartbreak could affect someone’s appetite and motivation to do the simplest tasks. She tried to treat herself like a test subject, observing the effects of the said phenomenon, hoping that maybe it could ease the pain of the blow.

Spoiler Alert: it didn’t. It might have even aggravated her further.

“𝐓𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡, 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐞. 𝐘𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥. 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐭𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐰.”

Ah. On second thought, perhaps, the beauty of Heartbreak is sublime. Subtle to the point that if one is not sensitive to it, one may never see what exactly makes it beautiful.

Witnessing its beauty is similar to watching things in slow motion. Take, for example, watching glass break. You know what is about to happen. Sometimes you might even flinch at the sound it generates or the mess it creates upon impact. Yet, when you see how it shatters into a hundred, maybe a thousand fragments, for a moment, it can be an astonishing sight. To some, the fragments look like tiny diamonds. To others, these resemble raindrops or snowflakes. To each their own. Then again, amidst the presence of differences, in the end, the result remains constant as one’s realization sinks in. After the briefest moment of surprise or fascination, the glass is and remains broken.

There is beauty in Heartbreak. In the Ghosts of What-Could-Have-Beens. It’s amazing how they can haunt you through your sweetest memories. Who knew that the warmest and most comforting thing could be the greatest weapon used against you? There are times when they can be one’s source of joy, but there are other times when they are the reason behind one’s grief. These Ghosts are quite unpredictable. Then again, they are the ones who stay by your side during the loneliest or happiest nights. They have the ability to stitch a fictive narrative that could bring some form of relief when there are too many unanswered questions or what-ifs. But you must never forget the reality of Brokenness. What has been done is done. There is nothing that you could do to change it.

“𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐥, 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞, 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭? 𝐘𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭, 𝐦𝐢𝐚 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐚. 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐩 𝐚𝐭 𝐚 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞. 𝐈𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫, 𝐈 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐞.”

“𝔸𝕣𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕖, ℝ𝕒𝕗𝕗𝕚𝕖?”

“𝐒ì, 𝐦𝐢𝐚 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐚. 𝐍𝐨𝐰, 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐞, ‘𝐤𝐚𝐲?”

The Sublimity of Heartbreak is the beauty in the realization that amidst your pain, you are loved. It may not be from the one you first desired, but it does not make the other’s luster any less radiant and valuable. There is beauty in a friend’s patience and . The man before her, Raffie, can prove that.

There is no doubt that Darlene is unwell. Taking care of herself became one of the hardest things to do ever since she got her heart broken. In spite of her slump, he remains with her as one of her best friends. Darlene knows that Raffie is doing his best to be impartial, maintaining his close relationship with her and Addie. She is also well aware of the fact that he loves her like a sister. Thus, seeing her in this state pains the man a lot.

“𝕀 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦’𝕣𝕖 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝐚 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥,” finally, Darlene’s attention returns to the four corners of her pastel living room. She then reaches out to hold Raffie’s hand, giving it a light squeeze. “𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬, 𝐑𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐞. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬.” Darlene says with a bright smile.

Despite her swollen eyes, untidy appearance, and tear-stained cheeks, she looks ethereal.

At least, to Raffie, she is.. and that’s all that matters.

Darlene does not know that her words meant a lot to her friend. Deep within his mind and heart, a seed is planted and cultivated. Soon, it will grow into the fruition that Heartbreak can be beautiful. In what way? In the understanding that the world is small. While you are crying your eyes out, unable to see the light of Hope, others are rejoicing. Both happen at the same time and, possibly, space. Some perceive it as a harsh reality. But to Raffie, it is a one-of-a-kind experience because regardless of the contrasting circumstances, there lies a constant truth:

Once again, there is Beauty in Heartbreak— in how one begins to learn how to be kind to themselves, remaining open to a brighter possibility of healing and growth. Beauty is always present in the lessons learned. However, one has to be sensitive, for it can be easily overlooked.

“𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐞. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐨𝐨, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰?”

“𝐌𝐡𝐦. 𝐈 𝐝𝐨. 𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐰, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞, 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞 𝐢𝐭.”

But for now, Darlene knows that she should let herself grieve. She stares at the porridge that had grown cold after being ignored for quite some time and sighs. The young lady did not want to see the beauty of her storms just yet.

She wants to pour it all out. May it be through the means of crying or screaming like a madwoman— anything that could help her tread through the silence and his absence would be greatly appreciated.

So, at this point in her life, Darlene desired nothing else as she sat down with Sorrow, allowing Time to perform his duty.

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Artwork by 米山舞

Edit: Thank you for the feature!! 🥺