A Detective’s Past.

(oc exposition and lore that I have not included in rp or in lore anywhere! I hope it’s enjoyable.)

Idle thoughts, for once I get to lay down. The Detective Agency wasn’t buzzing aside from a few subtle noises, the cat in the corner of the room was kinda… off-putting but I’ve seen worse, especially after today. It’s hard to sleep after that, a human who could succumb to such a fate and at the centre of it all. Izaki Azuna. The boy in yellow clothes, A Hafu like myself. It reminds me of all those years ago, when I believed that I was the centre of everything. Those events that transpired in ‘96. The past of racial abuse, growing up in the 90s as somebody of european descent. The amount of fighting my mother had to do to stay in the country, the reports to Immigration after my father’s disappearance, they never found him. The last thing he told me was to protect her, my mother, to grow up to be strong. Yet… what was strength? Was it the muscles you built on your body? Or the way you react to hard choices? Is it not running in fear from a scary situation? No matter who you are, everyone has asked themselves this question once. Strength isn’t a simple idea, nor is it determined by one factor. A scrawny boy could still be strong mentally, they could handle the tough situations life throws at them… as for me.

Life in Mikage-Cho wasn’t the best, growing up without my dad, I didn’t have that masculine force to push me forward. My mother tried compensating but… I think it just led to more drama, any chance anyone in my neighbourhood would get, they’d report something. The institutional racism pushed from WW2 had never faded, my mother who was full european and myself who was half struggled to live in our small little town. The only place I found salvation was St. Hermillien. I tried pushing everyone away, living life as a delinquent. People always assumed my hair was dyed until I spoke a lick of english, then they changed their tune. The only reason some people liked me was because I was European, it was new to them. When it got old, I was isolated, separated. I wonder if the boy felt the same. These memories continue to flow through my mind. There was a lot of shit that happened, I having fights with other students, Masao Inaba. I never lost to him, but I can’t say I won either, he wasn’t in the same class as me but… we often clashed. The Abandoned Factory was a home of every troubled child.

Graffiti on the walls and a scratch wheel, it was the rebellious sound only us outcasts could enjoy, at the time… Hip Hop wasn’t accepted in Japan. It was a nice noise, yet… it didn’t call my name. There was another guy that loved to loiter around the Abandoned Factory, albeit not in the crowds. He loved being on his own, or at least he found solace in it. He seemed hateful, of people around him, of what life dealt him. Reiji Kido. I spoke to him at the off-chance, he hated talking to anyone yet… vivid memories of talking to a woman at Satomi Tadashi. I managed to crack that forceful facade, he’s a mother’s boy like myself. “What’s your deal? You’re like me, you’re like Masao, yet you opt to stay away from everyone. What shit went down with you?” I take a sip of an orange soda, refreshing, the boy had bought it for me, perhaps my efforts weren’t wasted. That icy exterior held a nice guy underneath… yet I understand his anger.

“I’ve lost things because of another man. Every waking day, I want to put him in the ground, I want him to die by my hands, yet I haven’t been granted the power to do so.” His fists, the reason they were so heavy was because they carried such a mental burden. I guess it explains why I could never win any fights with him. “What about you?” His voice lacked the typical aggression, he shuffled a few cards in his hands as he asked, comfortability allowed him to do so, there was no judgement between us. “My dad disappeared, I know he wouldn’t leave but… I’d like to at least see his body. My mother told me he was a hero, a firefighting man who protected others but… I discovered there was more to it. He was a Yak. The words he told me hold more weight but… I also doubt if he held them as purely as I do, I’ve grown up in a discriminatory country and yet I still try and keep everyone safe.” A sigh, there was only so much I could do. The memory of that factory won’t ever fade, two delinquents who didn’t fight. It was a weird existence, two boys known for fighting had found temporary solace, peace within this hateful world of rage. Society that was judgemental, hated our existence. With this, I think I grew one step closer to becoming more at peace with myself.

A fade out into the fog of my memory, my class in St Hermillien was something polarising, there were your average guys and girls within that class, abiding by the traditional upbringing set in place by the current parenting of Japan and then there were your… outcasts. Oddballs within the wider scope of society, myself included. I all of their names. Sosuke, Keiko and Kaoru. My friends in the class of ‘96, it was a nice time with them, I wasn’t the smartest guy, academically they were all way more intelligent than me… but none of them could properly fight, that was the one thing I had. I thought that was all I needed at the time, that physical strength determined what I could do or not. That was until the phenomenon hit my school, that idea of… ‘Persona.’ Dreams of a butterfly, flying solemnly away through the gallery of humanity, a reflection of myself as I see the masked man… yet in these vivid dreams, odd things seem to affect my psyche.

Within the confines of human consciousness, the four golden pillars that make the foundation for the area of discussion, alone I am with the masked man. His appearance upon first meeting was that of a black haired man with a butterfly mask, yet as I continued to stay there, his appearance shifted to be more similar to my own, as if reflecting my own soul, my own character back at me. Mockery? Or perhaps a wake-up call, I’m unsure, yet as the meeting ends, something… a card, appears from the very sea of my soul, blue flames resonating as it leaves my heart. The card breaks, as it does it frees the man sealed inside. The greatest frontman in history, Freddie Mercury of Queen. Awakening spiritually and within the confines of the empty classroom, my friends coming to question me on what happened, all I can say is… “I dreamt I was a butterfly, I couldn’t tell I was dreaming. But when I woke, I was I and not a butterfly. Was I dreaming I was the butterfly, or was the butterfly dreaming it was me?”

Back into the fog, I wander my mind on an aimless path. Through this gallery of dreams and memories, I revisit these important moments of my past, for they will impact my future. Throughout the hallways, there were malformed images, the students had spread out with their own intentions of protecting the school. Me and my friends had opted to scout out something underneath the school. Yet the infinite darkness was only illuminated by the blue heat of my soul. This bursting heat, it burns white hot, these ashes and cinders of my soul crave fighting… yet as I begin to let it burst, fighting whatever demon I encounter, the stress it puts on others, the fighting I long for only seems to put my friends in danger. Doubt, it sets in as I have to realise, I am not me, this thing… ‘Persona’ It distorts who I am, the purity and leadership of Freddie Mercury had long dissipated as I swapped to something else. I slam my fist into the ground in frustration, how could I have lost myself? Who I am? Two more punches as my fist begins to bruise, my knuckle swells within my rage. Running away from all encounters, we inevitably make it to a set of two doors, Trish’s Fountain and…

I storm directly into the other door, these cinders, they flare up. Burning infinitely as my spirit does, the adrenaline numbs the pain of my fist. I enter the velvet room with only one thing to ask. “Who am I? What does this power do to who I am? I was told I was many faces, inhabiting one body but… I want to be me! I don’t want to be anyone else. I don’t wish to wear this mask, it only puts the people I care about in danger!” The Aria of the Soul resonates with my heart, it puts it at ease as the card initially used destroys itself, a reversed arcana spreading a malignant force throughout my body, the only thing to replace it being my starter persona. I crumble to my knees. This malignant spiritual energy, it had corrupted my very soul, it had forced me to act rash to crumble to the basics of who I am, the fighting I love… I’ve got to give it up, if I don’t fight for the right things, I’ll only lose others. I don’t want to wander this world alone, I don’t wish for anything to happen. With my mental frustration hitting it’s peak and my spirit burning all of it’s fuel, I out within the confines of the Velvet Room, dissipating back into the fog of my memory.

It reminds me of my fight with Koji. I went in only craving to fight, to kill whoever was in front of me. How have I regressed to such a state? I’ve been riding the dirt, the tide yet not for another person, for my own selfish desires. I’ll search the outside, search inside. I’ll destroy the current self I have and rebuild it to be better. I can’t lose myself to these desires, I have aspirations. I know what strength can be, I don’t need to fight to prove myself. I’ll always burn to be, the one who seeks so I may find, but I won’t wait my whole lifetime. This outlaw torn, I crave to be something better. My walk through the gallery of memories turns to a sprint as I dart along this glass pavement. I wake up in the Velvet Room, another memory of the past. A voice begins to speak to me. “Your soul wavered, you played without confidence and through that… your spirit, your persona malformed again.” I got up, hitting my head on the bottom of the Piano, it was Nameless, teaching me how to harness the power of my soul through song. I get up, taking a seat as I attempt to play the Piano again, trying to harmonise with Belladonna’s song, to recreate the Aria Of The Soul I heard the first time, yet once again, one wrong note became two, and then three. As the blue heat of my soul went haywire into lightning that struck me down, causing me to out once more.

My sprint at full-speed, I look down at my feet, my body is not that of who I am, it’s who I was. The teenage boy of ‘96, as I wander through these memories. The fog sets in again as I enter… nothingness. An abyss, all I see is pure darkness. Left alone by myself, the only thing I can do is curl into a ball. “I don’t want to be alone… Dad. You told me to protect people, but I have nobody left to protect.” The darkness consumes me, it swallows me yet the sounds of fighting provide some reassurance. I don’t have to continuously protect everyone, they’re strong enough to fight for themselves. How blind have I been? I push myself to my feet, wiping my eyes. The blue heat illuminates the void around me, it coalesces. I don’t need to be protecting everyone, I just need to lead them to the best future possible! I’ll do what I can, I’ll stand as vanguard so we can all flourish! A new card comes from the sea of my soul, it’s golden in nature as it manifests. A katana falls in front of me, the shine of blue flames reflected in the blade. A man picks it up, a red headband distinctly visible. Hijikata Toshizou of the Shinsengumi. I escape my memory as I’m left with two more distinct spaces.

Returning to the gallery of memories and the glass pathway, I sprint faster, the tailwind blows me forward. The fog dissipates as I’m placed by myself once again. A battle with myself, a shadow. I hadn’t seen one of these before, it was my confrontation with my desires. My will to fight. Everything I had learned about myself came into question as he contradicts who I am, with these undermined desires. These things I’ve been trying to move on from, he strikes me with every blow. A reversed version of Hijikata Toshizou. There was only one thing I could do. Take it. “I won’t fight you…. No matter what.” Accepting that this is a part of me, it is the truth. I do love fighting, but I can’t let it consume me. I walk forwards, these blows injure my spirit, yet I will not falter. My will is something that cannot be stopped by a measly reflection of myself. I won’t give into temptation, there are more important things. These connections I’ve made and how they’ve helped me grow. I’ll accept it all, this desire of mine is me. “We are but the same guy in different bodies. Let’s become whole again, alright?” I put my arm on the doppelganger’s shoulder, his burden is now our’s. I’m pulled back out of the fog, returning to the gallery.

Looking back through the Gallery, these memories make up the man I am today. I’m nearly forty and yet… I’ve grown so much weaker from the boy I was back then. No longer am I the teenager of ‘96, I’m the man of ‘14. “The world won’t stop for me, there’s only one scene left. The close of ‘96 and how I got here. Kaoru, Keiko, Sosuke. Thanks for being with me through these events. I hope to see you all again soon.” I enter the last segment of fog, The Aria Of The Soul, finally completed by my own hands. The piano… I spent all this time learning it, with Nameless’s teachings, I have become a musician of my own, the ability to resonate with the very soul. The Velvet Room lights up as my song is complete, the foundation of my soul is finally solid. “Thank you all, I’ve finally managed to get myself in a comfortable state. My soul is no longer in disarray, it’s thanks to this… Butterfly’s song.” A pause as the blindfolded man spoke. “I have something for you.” A case with a peculiar shape. I open it, unclipping the locks. A guitar with a butterfly motif. “For your electrifying soul, you have a bursting energy, you’re not fit for classical music, your soul longs for something more, energetic and ready to flare up at any moment, something like this will allow the blue frenzy of your soul to burst.” Upon picking up the guitar and playing that first chord, the instinctual spirit of my soul plays as blue flames begin to consume the Velvet Room, rather than the typical variations of the Velvet Room, it began to illuminate with stage lights. A more modern… rock style of the soul. With my grand finale, the fog ceases.

The gallery had been completely illuminated as my past memories were completely ed by myself. I return to sprinting down the glass pathway. Fast memories of progressing, learning to play guitar properly with my unique sound. My soul resonates with my instrument as we go on tour, learning more and more about the industry before… current day. My connection to the Kuzunoha Detective Agency and Javier, learning about how a foreigner can easily exist within Japan in the current day, meeting Koji and ing these confrontations of my past and how I’d fallen today. These burn scars now a reminder of how I had sunk, It’s time to get back up, to return to how I was. With my feelings and emotions now in the right place, I feel comfortable enough to completely rest. Sinking further and further into slumber… into Pnume. Yet a golden card begins to fall behind me, the seeds of the past provide fruits of the future.

(Made for #NSGBeyond challenge)