Feeling

So I completely forgot I had this on my phone

Anyways have another Spinut fic

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"Are we going to fuse today?"

Spinel looked at Peanut nervously. It was not the response she had wanted when she asked Peanut if she could kiss her. It was the expected response, however, why else would a gem want to do such a thing with another gem? Spinel increased the distance between them and shook her head.

"Not unless you want to," Spinel finally said.

Truthfully, she did not want to fuse at all. She merely wanted to feel her form against Peanut's, not become one. It was a peculiar urge that had all but sprung up on her the day after they had fused.

"I don't mind," Peanut replied. Her answer made Spinel wince, it made her feel selfish. She didn't want to just drag Peanut along with her flow, she wanted Peanut to feel the same way and have the same desires as she did.

"I should get going, it was nice seeing you again Peanut," Spinel announced stoically. Despite her tone, she could not hide her conflicted emotions from reflecting on her face, something that did not go unnoticed by Peanut. It made Peanut feel strange. As Spinel stood up and dusted herself off, Peanut hurriedly tried to come up with something that would hopefully remedy Spinel's disheartened expression.

"I like fusing with you!" She blurted out, albeit a bit too loudly and eagerly. Peanut could feel the prickling heat of embarrassment creeping up on her cheeks.

Startled, Spinel stared at her incredulously.

"I mean that, I don't dislike fusing with you and I really like being around you and I'm sorry if what I said made it sound like I didn't because I do and I don't want to see you sad and," Peanut knew she was rambling, but Spinel's previous expression was burned in her mind and the strange feeling would not let up.

"Umm I like fusing with you as well," Spinel uttered awkwardly. She couldn't hide a shy smile from gracing her face, "I really must go though, take care Peanut."

Peanut watched as Spinel's silhouette disappeared. She knew she should also get going but for some reason, Peanut wanted to be alone with her thoughts.

As Spinel walked back to the ship, her smile slowly faded away. She was brought back to the reality of Homeworld and had to pretend that she did not harbor romantic feelings for another gem. She approached a large black ship when suddenly the doors opened. Three gems came out of the ship and caught sight of her.

"Spinel, we're going on a exploring mission! Come with us?"

"Arusha, if we needed Spinel for the mission I would've notified her," Howlite answered the small gem. Spinel looked at the pair with an amused expression, before turning to the large gem beside them.

"So, I take it you don't need me. Will you be gone long?" Spinel asked.

"We should be back soon, just gathering some samples," Onyx told her, "more importantly, where have you been going off to?"

Spinel met Onyx's eye. While she had asked the question casually, Spinel knew exactly what she meant. She searched desperately for a believable excuse before Arusha chimed in.

"She goes to stalk that Peanut gem!"

Spinel suppressed the urge to yell at Arusha and instead tried to keep her expression as stoic as possible. Onyx watched her, looking for the slightest indication of nervousness. She stared at her for a few more seconds and grinned.

"Now you know that can get dangerous. She's of a different court, so if your going to continue mingling with her don't cause any trouble. Understand?" Onyx remarked, to which Spinel nodded immediately.

Despite her casual behavior, Onyx unnerved Spinel. The gem was a whole 2 ft taller than her and as a Quartz, much larger and stronger too. The three gems at last took their leave, leaving Spinel alone on the ship. Or at least, she thought she was alone.

"Why must I feel this way?" Spinel sighed and flopped onto a chair. She stared at the giant screens with maps and different images of specimens collected from other planets, "Why can't we be allowed to feel things for other gems? I'm not doing anything wrong, so then why must it be taboo?" She spoke to the screen as if it would give her answers, "It doesn't make any sense, maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm the only one who has a problem with this."

"You aren't," a voice responded, causing Spinel to almost fall out of her chair. She searched hurriedly for the source of the voice and saw her, a Pearl. It was one of Onyx's Pearls, Silver Pearl to be precise.

"I uh I-I thought I was alone," Spinel stuttered. She scrambled out of the chair, unsure why she was feeling anxious over a Pearl. Actually, she knew why. Silver Pearl was a bit different than regular Pearls, she was "chatty." She would oftentimes forget she was a Pearl and talk to Onyx and even the others as if she was a valuable member of the team, even going so far to doing Howlite's job for her. There was a chance that what Spinel told her would get back to Onyx and create problems.

"I apologize for barging in without notice," Silver Pearl added.

"It's fine, what do you want?" Spinel interjected coldly.

Silver Pearl hesitated, noting Spinel's harsh tone. She clearly didn't want to talk about this subject with her, but she continued, "I simply wanted to assure you, that you aren't the only one who feels that way."

Spinel turned to look at the Pearl, she looked rather uncomfortable, not because she was in Spinel's presence, but because it looked like she wanted to say even more.

"Explain."

"Oh, well... I feel that way towards my Master."

"But you're a Pearl."

"I realize tha—"

"But she doesn't care about you."

"Yes I'm aware of tha—"

"Onyx is just using you."

"I know that!" Silver Pearl exclaimed. Spinel said nothing, she was surprised that Silver Pearl had raised her voice so suddenly. Silver Pearl looked away, "I mean I...I know. I'm a tool but I can't just, turn off how I feel. I can't act on it, I know I can't, but I want to."

"What do you feel?" Spinel asked cautiously. Silver Pearl turned to her and slowly responded.

"I just...want to touch her, just for the sake of it, and I want her to touch me. I want her to look at me and speak to me as if we're the same, as if we both feel the same way," Silver Pearl stopped and hugged herself. She knew she had said too much but Spinel looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to continue, "but she won't and that's okay. If she uses me, that's okay. If I'm nothing to her at least for a moment I can pretend like I mean something."

Silver Pearl smiled softly to herself and turned to Spinel, "I'm defective aren't I?"

  "If you are then it means I am too," Spinel answered. Silver Pearl was silent, unsure of how to respond. Spinel approached her and laughed bitterly, "to think a Pearl is capable of understanding how I feel."

Spinel sat back down in the chair and signaled Silver Pearl to come closer. "My predicament is a bit different than yours. The gem I mean doesn't own me, I'm allowed to have my own emotions, but she's not like me. She doesn't serve the same diamond, she isn't the same kind of gem. I'm not allowed to fuse with her, I don't even know if I'm allowed to see her."

Silver Pearl listened, careful not to interrupt Spinel, despite the various questions she had. She wasn't even sure if Spinel was talking to her or if she was talking to herself. Spinel was looking off somewhere, never meeting her gaze.

"Her name's Peanut Wood. She belongs to Yellow Diamond's court and," Spinel paused momentarily, "she's lovely. Everytime I'm around her, I have the strange urge to be close to her. I just...want to feel her form against mine for no particular reason. I want to kiss her and touch her and hold her hand. It's all I can think about really. But it's not so simple, why can't things be so simple? I would like to be with her and make her smile and please her, but I can't. I'm not sure she even understands what I want from her, she probably thinks of me as a comrade. I suppose that's not so bad, being a comrade but," Spinel's voice trailed off.

For a brief moment the two said nothing, it was only until the silence became unbearable for Pearl that Spinel continued.

"I want more."

"Is she the gem that you go off to meet?" Silver Pearl interjected. Spinel nodded. "Then might I suggest that you tell her? If she is going so far as to meet you regularly, you must mean something to her. Why not take a chance? You're already doing so by seeing her against my Master's wishes."

Spinel pondered on Silver Pearl's words before chuckling softly, "You really are chatty."

  Silver Pearl watched as Spinel rose from her seat.

  "You won't tell my Master will you?" She added after a second's hesitation. Spinel turned to her and shook her head. The two gems locked eyes for a brief period, knowing full well this meant that neither side of their conversation was to get back to Onyx. Spinel turned towards the entrance of the ship and headed back in the direction she came.

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  Peanut Wood sat alone in the same spot Spinel had left her. While she was watching the view of the stars above her, she was preoccupied with the thoughts inside her head. These very same thoughts would return every time her meeting with Spinel would come to an end. She wondered about her friend and tried to figure out the answers to the questions she had. Why would she rather risk punishment than go without seeing her friend? Why would she feel nervous whenever Spinel stared at her for too long? Why did she have no qualms with fusing with her?

"Good, you're still here."

  Peanut nearly jumped at the sound of the voice. She has been so engrossed with her own thoughts that she had not realized that the very gem she was thinking about was once again standing before her.

"Spinel, you came back."

"I don't want to fuse with you."

  Peanut gaped at her, feeling as if someone had punched her in the gut. Had she done something wrong? Did she overstep her boundaries? Was Spinel upset? What did she do? What did she say to make her upset?

Just before panic set in, Spinel continued.

"I just want to kiss you."

  Peanut stopped herself in the midst of her racing thoughts and met Spinel's gaze.

"...What?" Spinel locked eyes with her and took a breath, allowing herself to finally give in and act on these strange feelings that only Peanut could awaken, before taking a step towards her.

"I want to touch you," another step ,"just to touch you." Yet another step. "I want to please you," and another step ,"and make you smile."

  Peanut was frozen, paralyzed by the Spinel's words and the meaning behind them.

  "I want to love you," Spinel took one last step towards Peanut, now only inches apart from her. She gently cradled the side of Peanut's astonished face ,"and I want you to love me too."

  The soft press of a finger to her lips finally made Peanut come to. The tightness in her chest was becoming unbearable and Spinel's words were making her feel an array of different emotions. Spinel was so close to her now.

"And I want to kiss you just to kiss you," she felt the delicate caress of a thumb on her cheek and could do nothing but look into the eyes of the gem just mere centimeters away from her.

  "Will you let me?"

  Peanut did not know what she felt for her friend, nor could she answer the various questions she had about their relationship, but letting Spinel kiss her in that moment

felt completely right.