08//09//2020

Hello everyone, my name is Simon. I have come back to post another weekly reflection. This week was quite tough. However I do not go into much detail.

８月３日

I finished studying for 4 hours straight however after our grandmother told us some news. I believe I will not be studying the rest of the day. I believe a few other alters may do some of our self care to help with our emotions. We found out that our grandmother has breast cancer, however it was caught early, I am still worried due to the sudden deaths that happen in our family.

I am not sure what to feel. I believe we have not understood it just yet. Often we expect an old friend to leave and when we do, we shut off our emotions. We go numb, we can do this on command due to doing it so often. But now I am confused. We feel numb. However I know a few others are angry and upset. Sadly I was never very close to our grandmother so I am unsure if I even have a right to say or speak on this topic. As I did not front regularly till recently, unlike other alters who have been around much longer. But my mindset on death is very much different than others, but if I feel nothing. Is it wrong? Maybe I am just in shock. Maybe that is it. I have never understood emotions that well, I suppose I will understand them soon enough.

８月４日

In the morning I did some stretching as our shoulders and legs have been sore and tight. I then made breakfast and enjoyed some films while I ate. I then began to work on some blogs I needed to work on. After that I then went to the store and got our snake some mulch for his cage.

I am now typing this and about to start studying some of my Japanese. I may work on the blog I will be posting soon.

It is currently 12:45 am. I would have had someone else sleep for us, but I suppose I got distracted by a group of lovely people. I have not sat down and had a conversation much due to always studying or just checking my phone for a moment to reply. Than taking about an hour to respond to their next message.

A mindset I have is, "focus on school work, not friends." I heard this before years ago. I honestly agree with it, but many are not use to being alone. So many enjoy being extremely social while at school. When at school I listen to podcasts as I walk to classes and once in class all I do is work and during lunch I am studying, reading or drawing. And on the bus I am either checking my phone for any notifications from peers I happen to talk to or I just listen to music as I read.

It does not bother me. I do not get lonely. I enjoy time alone. Maybe this is due to always having to help solve the system's issues. Which I have no right to complain about as it is my job. But it always includes someone. Meaning something has happened with a peer, friend, or stranger which has caused a system member to become upset to the point they can not handle it. Which is usually where I try to figure out the manner and pick a situation.

I have also noticed that I do enjoy being around people. Not necessarily talking to them, but if I am studying in the same room. Which is why I enjoy school very much. I often avoid talking at school due to many of the students finding us odd. Often I will talk to the school nurse because she understands the concepts I talk about. While other people do not or are not interested. Often just waiting for me to stop talking. Even so, I do understand. I understand that most students do not like talking about how photons work, how realistically space works rather than science fiction. How quantum mechanics work, criminal psychology, and more. I also enjoy mathimatics, which many found me odd for. However, I am not hurt by those who find me odd for my ions. I will usually only get upset when I am talking about a subject I adore and they stop me or just stare, waiting for me to stop.

But I want to leave a message here. People will find you odd. People will find you strange. That says nothing about you. What that shows is their mind is so fixated on what they see daily that they are not willing to expand their mind and learn new things. Thinking that what they know and have seen is how the planet and universe works. But this is simply just not true. Many find other cultures odd, others' practices odd. Many are called odd due to doing certain activities that help them get through the day.

Do not judge. The person online is not spelling that well? They could have dyslexia, chronic pain in their hands, anxiety or a head injury. A person in public is shaking their hands and not speaking but using their body to communicate? They could have be semi verbal, mute, have a disorder which causes them to he too exhausted to speak at times and more. Do not plant an idea of normal in your mind. That only limits you in this world. You may be able to say what you want due to your laws in your country. But, why be cruel and say revolting words when you can show respect?

Oh dear. I just caught myself. I have been typing for a while I apologize. My mind is usually always thinking and I tend to hyper focus. I need to get another alter to front to sleep for us. Everyone have a wonderful evening. Do to be kind. Because even a smile can save a life.

お休みなさい。

８月５日

I had a good start to the day. I woke up at 6 am and woke myself up and then made breakfast. But I have not been feeling well. I have been feeling ill and sick. I would like to finish all of my deeds today, but we are quite anxious and tired. I suppose I will have to take a break today. It upsets me due to planning a long study session today. I suppose I can do it tomorrow.

I believe that the situations in our life are causing such emotions. I have noticed that we get over stimulated more easily which leads to panic attacks and trauma holding alters to front. I know I need to process our situations however, I also feel as if I should just accept it. I suppose that I accept it but others do not. The body has felt ill and exhausted and it has upset me as the state of the body is affecting my mindset. But, I know just pushing problems aside will not make the emotions go away. What I plan to do is to plan out a self care day that is also productive. Such as watching films, studying lightly, drawing and talking to loved ones. I believe cleaning out the room some more and lighting incense and candles might help as well.

８月６日

This day was quite slow. I am still Unsure of what counts as self care. So I drew for about five hours this day. I was practicing anatomy and using realistic references.

８月７日

5:00: I have finished studying. I was suppose to study multiple topics but I instead studied Japanese for four hours. Which I enjoyed. There was some anxiety today, but not anything we can not handle.

I am going to draw and read, I want to still be productive as I enjoy it and it does relax me.

８月８日

Today I studied for about 5 hours. I do not have much to say so I will just be leaving my to do list and some photos I took today of food I made.

I posted our Forensic Notes today as well.

８月９日

Hello everyone. Today I worked on a few things and studied for a while for a challenge that is happening.

Not much has happened today, but I have been thinking a lot. Recently I have been doubting myself a lot, but a dear friend has been helping me with it. Other than that I have been listening to a very interesting speaker. I will leave some of the videos here for you to listen to as well.

Personal Development

They have helped me think and focus on my goals. I have also been working on bettering myself, for myself. often people change themselves for others and end up disliking their self even more. Find friends who inspire you to better yourself, not ones that want to change you. There is a difference, you just need to look closely.

Any how, I am typing this during my study break. I have a few more things to finish then while I watch a show I will finish working on this.

This day has been quite nice. It was a late and slow start but after I started to study, I could not stop studying. I was enjoying it far too much after those short two day breaks.

Do make sure to take breaks and to process your thoughts and emotions. Pushing them aside does not make them go easy, it only gives them time to saunter back up to where you are. Learn to accept and process the thoughts and emotions. Allow yourself to feel them and express yourself. Holding it in will only cause worse emotions. It is okay to express yourself. It is not weak. It means you have been strong for too long. Expressing yourself shows you are taking care of yourself. However, do it in ajoi healthy way. One that does not hurt you or others.

Now everyone, may the following week bring the upmost joy. Do to think of the positive. Do not let one bad situation declare the day as bad.

That is all,

Farewell.

Simon•Kingdom

{#Motivation}