Studying Helpers Issue 8

Welcome to the Studying Helpers 8th Issue!

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➢this issue is with our new ,

Tia!

Congratulations!

➣The theme was healing from failure.

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❑ Star's tips

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how to heal from failure:

1. Realizing you’re faults/mistakes:

you can’t fix faults or mistakes if you don’t know what those mistakes are. failure is a very hard thing to handle, and I know this from experience. let’s be honest, failure can be a complete fault or a complete mistake. either way, failure is failure and there’s nothing you can do to change that. before your failures go on to be harmful, realize those mistakes and realize those faults. it will hell you in the long run.

2. How to go about from those faults/ mistakes:

even though it may not seem like it, but you can get over and get through failure. you may have to regain yourself or your confidence, but there is a way to go about failure. before going about it you need to realize this; yes, you failed. but yes, it’s okay. it may take a while to realize this, but slowly you will.

3. What if my faults/mistakes hurt others

yes, you may forget to help a friend with school work, or you may forget to call your significant other back, but are those really failures? yes, you may be mad at yourself for little things like these, but that’s just being hard on yourself. failures can truly only affect yourself. whether it’s a failure in school, or a failure in your personal life, it will only truly affect you.

4. Be mindful of your faults/mistakes

This may seem obvious to some, but many people don’t think of this. this tip really depends not the situation you are in. if it’s a grade, the only thing you can do is seek help or study harder. when doing this, really make sure you review the things that caused your failure in the first place. If it’s something in your personal life, then this is what I would do; sit down in a quiet space for a while and think about what your failure was. think about how it came about and what you can do to build yourself back up from it.

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❑ Professor Hacks' tips

## What happens with failure ?

Failure leaves psychological injuries, we have this destructive habit of thinking less of ourselves, we think we don't have the skill to fullfill this action, our goal seems further than it is, it stops us from thinking out of the box, taking risks, and makes us feel helpless.

## What should you do ?

You must stop watching the wound, and start healing it, in order to do that you must fight the distortions, make a list of your achievements so you can that you're not a failure, because you got also achievements. Remind yourself your objectives, why do you want to succeed ? Think about all the options you can take and make calculated risks, you must detect the factors in your control, like lack of planning. And most important, that is a single incident, it's not a routine or something you do all the time.

## Tips

Don't make yourself a victim, the universe is not against you, and do something about failure. Start by getting distracted, get in a good mood, go out with some friend, watch a movie that makes you happy or hear a song that re you of a happy memory, whatever works for you, but you must get in a good mood. Once you feel better think about what went wrong, detect the factors that lead to that, do what is in your reach, in order to change the result next time. Always yourself what you're fighting for, it can be being the best in your class, make your parents proud of you, or going to your dream university, whatever you need to get that motivation to keep moving towards your goal. Just rock bottom is just a foundation not a conclusion. Think of failure like falling in a pool, if you don't move you will keep going down until you reach the bottom, pools aren't infinite, you just gotta swim upwards to go back to the surface and watch the outside again.

If you keep a single sentence of this, it must be this one:

"**In the long run, people of every age and in every walk of life seem to regret not having done thinks much more than they regret things they did,"** -psychologists Tom Gilovich and Vicky Medvec.

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❑ Isaac's tips

Many people spend their lives fearing failure, ceasing to take risks and new paths for fear of falling and receiving a strong blow, they think that if that happens they will die in the abyss and they will have lost everything. But actually, failing does not have to be so bad after all. What makes you think that you will not get up stronger and with a lesson learned? What makes you fear when in you is the power of having lived one more experience?

#1 Ask yourself: Was your effort constant?

Go back and assess when and why the stress drops occurred. Identify when you feel demoralized or unmotivated, and what external circumstances trigger them. This will allow you to anticipate this type of event and plan how you can overcome it.

#2 Try again at least once

If you just failed and it all fell apart, try it one more time. Give yourself a chance to persist and move on. If everything fails again, decide if it is worth persisting, if not, stop. But at least you will have tested your endurance and perseverance.

#3 that you are good enough

The difference between successful and unsuccessful, is that the successful ones know that although they are not perfect, they can be better every day and they give their lives to personal growth and fulfillment, while the unsuccessful lament their bad luck and throw all their value into the trash.

#4 Learn From Others

Many people will have made your same mistakes and failed before you, in the same way. Learn from them before it happens to you. Learn from those who have gone through the whole process, and avoid a few headaches.

#5 Trust yourself

Many limiting beliefs will make you believe that you cannot achieve what you want. That is why you must have full confidence in what you do, otherwise, at the first change you will fall apart. In case you did not know, it is possible to improve your self-confidence.

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❑ Vee's tips

Firstly, everyone defines failure differently, it is very subjective to the person. Just because one person defines something as failure another may not, so please keep this in mind. But, at some point we must heal from our past failures in order to move on and become a better person for ourselves!♡

- Accept you failed. It's the worst and most painful step to take and it may take days, months even sometimes years. But accepting it and understanding why and how you failed will make that weigh off of your shoulder just fly off. Only you know when you are ready to accept it.. Hey, even I have some that I'm still learning to accept after 2 years but its a slow and steady process.

- But accepting is only part of the process. The other part of it all is pushing through it when you are at the lowest of low times. When you don't believe that anything else in the world can bring you success because you have 'failed'. That this was your last shot of success and you just blew it. Pushing through is that tiny voice in your head that tells you that there have been other things that you have done that were greater than this and you survived. Believe that voice, please. Not the voice that tells you you failed because you weren't "good enough", because you are.

- Talk to people, be that family, friends or even to someone through a screen. Bottling things up will not help you heal. Talking things out or writing things will help you organise your thoughts and help you find out that it may not have been as big of a thing as you may have thought. Sometimes you may just need your words to be heard by what you think is another person but is actually just yourself saying those words. It's part of accepting and healing, its painful and not easy at all but no one said it was.

- Expression. Expressing your feelings can be a way for you to learn how to understand them. It could be through art or journalling or dancing, whatever it may be. Sometimes we just need to see something in a different way to see them in a new light!

- Lastly, do not believe that one 'failure' was your last chance. Because I can assure you it is not. The little voice that may seem loud now, that may say that you have failed and there is no way of getting better now, is lying to you. There is always new approaches to goals that you really want to achieve. You just need to find your journey to get there. There is no reason to compare your path with someone else's because they aren't living your life, you are, so don't compare each other's stepping stones when they are different naturally. You are worthy of everything you have set your mind too. And even if you don't believe in yourself now, your future self who has achieved those goals will look back and realise that it was just part of your journey to healing! ♡

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❑ Barbara's tips

Failure happens. In many ways, failure is inevitable. There’s always one time or another where one doesn’t achieve what they wanted to. But beyond acknowledging failure, how can we cope, heal, and learn from these experiences? Today, I have some tips on healing from failure (both academic and in life in general), and I hope they can help you when the time arises! :)

Tip Number One: Identify what failure is to you in this situation. For many, failure is internal: driven by self-motivation and love-of-learning, students can often define failure as not matching one’s academic goals. For those extrinsically motivated, failure may mean not meeting your parent’s/teacher’s/school’s goals for you. By defining failure and what it means exactly, we take the first step to embracing failure and building upon ourselves as better people.

Tip Number Two: Let yourself be sad, or angry, or whatever emotion comes to mind. Recently, I got denied an internship opportunity that I was really looking forward to. After this denial, this failure, I tried to force my feelings down and brush it off. This is not healthy. It’s very important to let yourself feel what you need to feel, otherwise, the emotions will get bottled up, and result negatively in the long run. Besides, seeing what this failure makes you feel allows us to take another important step towards healing from the failure. Feeling and emotions is one of the most complex things human beings, and by allowing ourselves to feel we grow as people overall.

Tip Number Three: Know that you’re enough. After failing, it can be really tough to see your self-worth. For some, that grade, or college acceptance, or crush they asked out, was their validation for their self-worth. Know that you are enough and that your validity, your worth, is not dependent on any opportunity, other person, or grade that you missed out on. In fact, they’re missing out on you! You are enough and always will be, simply because you’re you. So, when healing from failure, knowing your self-worth can always help solidify the healing process.

Tip Number Four: Keep calm and carry on. I know this phrase is cliche, but it can be very useful for dealing with failure and healing from it. Once you’ve gone through the emotional healing and feelings of failure, and solidified your validity and self-worth, it’s time to let this failure go. Although failure can definitely be learned from, dwelling on the failure too long can cause unhealthy grudges and emotions that may hurt you in the future. So, once you’ve learned from what happened and taken on a new confidence, you can let the failure go! You’ve now come back to the beginning of the cycle, and you’re ready to take on the world. Whatever is on your plate right now, you’ve got this!

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❑ Ximena's tips

failure makes our goals seem tougher, damages our motivation, and demoralizes us. it is inevitable to prevent failure in life, everyone is destined to fail at least once. although failure is a painful process, we must all go through it to learn valuable life lessons and become stronger as individuals.know failure is worth it! failing at something is an important way to build character. it allows for spiritual, emotional, and mental growth for oneself. it isn’t easy to recover from failure i it it, but it is possible. don’t give up, don’t call it quits, keep pushing no matter what, and tear down those obstacles! you may be asking yourself, ”𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙞 𝙙𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 ?”

❶ be ionate about your dreams. focus your energy on it and how it means so much to you. imagine the feeling when you achieve your goal!

❷ don’t loose your confidence! know that what you went through is worth it and that you’ll accomplish your goal if you keep on trying.

❸ you can also surround yourself with people who have the same mentality as yours. be around people that are ive and nurturing towards you. surround yourself with positivity when you fail. it is important to take care of yourself when times are hard.

❹ reflect on the lesson you just learned from failing. it will definitely make you grow as a person and help you find a solution to your problem or push you into the right direction to achieve your goal.

❺ let yourself feel your emotions at that time. it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to scream, it’s okay to feel devastated! let everything out and don’t let it bottle up. you’re a human being and you have emotions that have to be felt. vent to someone if you need to, let yourself and your emotions be heard.

“𝙨𝙪𝙘𝙘𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙖𝙡, 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙡𝙪𝙧𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙛𝙖𝙩𝙖𝙡: 𝙞𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙖𝙜𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙪𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩𝙨.” — 𝙬𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙣 𝙘𝙝𝙪𝙧𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙡

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❑ Raven's tips

Just to get straight into this, healing from anything is almost always difficult. And considering how failure is such a common thing, you would think I would be easy to recover from, but a lot of the time that isnt the case.

People of all ages and all backgrounds face rejection and failure a lot of the time, you cant really get rid of it. However you can evolve from it. Recovery is a long process sometimes and it's not as easy as "oh well let me just get back up and walk off." So I have a few little tips, even if it doesnt make the recovery faster, it should help you come to with it at least.

The first is accepting the failure, whether it was your fault or not, accepting that you messed up especially in the cases where it is your fault, is the very first step. Everybody knows those people on TV that are like "I've done nothing wrong I dont know what you are talking about." When they have like...cheated on their partner or something that is a huge deal, bit of a dramatic example I know. But you dont want to be that person, while it may help you feel better right now, it wont help you get back up and walk it off any faster, if anything it will slow you down.

Learning how to correct the mistake is another thing, when it comes to studying and such, it's often easy to your teacher and ask for some help, but in other situations it may not be so simple, or there might be no way to fix it at all. Honestly I dont give a lot of hope here but it always gets better eventually, it may be hard and stressful, but it is what it is, you just have to keep hoping and try to not dig yourself into a hole because of it.

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❑ Tia's tips

Failure sucks and here's one of the reasons why. Since childhood we have been taught that we need to be winners. We see no point in playing a game to lose, learning a lesson to score less in the test, or to prepare a speech for the event to be cancelled.

We are not taught about how sometimes we need to fail thousand times before that ultimate life changing win comes. We are not taught about how sometimes things will go 'against you' no matter how much you try.

We are taught that hard work is the key to success and that if we work hard then there's not a single possibility that we will fail. But we do. The reason why my first major failure in life as a teenager hurt me a lot was because I have grown up with a mindset that if I work hard, it's mine; And that's what I did. I worked hard, day and night and ruined every aspect of my social life and became a ghost who lived in her room and worked hard all day for an entrance exam. I went into the exam room, confident and proud in myself but when the results came, that confident and proud feeling was gone because the result of my hardwork was an average but not good enough score. It was the first time I realised that hard work is not all that takes to get success. Success takes a lot of things and one of those is failure.

Failure is harsh and cruel and healing from it takes so many nights of tears. But one thing which I consider to be a must in the healing pack from failure is the right mindset. Don't take your failure as this end of the world thing. Don't consider it your last chance. You need to be positive and self reflect when you go through a failure. Consider what went wrong. Was it your mistake? If it was your mistake, realize that it is fine to make mistakes. You are human and humans make mistakes. If it was something way out of your hand then tell yourself that there was nothing you could've done to prevent it.

Now after having eight to ten failures like me, a lot of people will give up and then they are the ones who'll grow up to be the pessimists of the society and tell that unless you have a special talent you won't succeed but rare and talented are those who despite the failures keep going on and when the world says they don't see a point anymore, they turn around and say but I DO. You want a special talent but listen to me: the special talent is the ability to go forward with enthusiasm when everyone and everything feels against you. The special talent is the ability to keep moving forward when the weight of your failure and fear of disappointment is over your shoulder. The special talent ISN'T always artistic, creative or logical. It can be something as simple as determination, dedication.

And when the failure has fogged too much road ahead of you and you can't get a clear idea what to do and feel like giving up then remind yourself of the reason why you started. When I was attacked by the gruesome feeling of failure I reminded myself that I started because it's my childhood dream and I can't let down that young girl.

Have faith like that of a child and keep moving ahead. There's better things ahead. Or to be realistic, maybe worse. But things need to be worse before they get better!

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❑ Janice's tips

Figure out why you failed.

Did you procrastinate? Did you have trouble with the course? Did you get distracted too easily from others? Many people “fail” for a variety of reasons, but you’ll have to identify your own causes. You’ll also have to embrace why you’ve failed. For instance, if it was because of procrastinating and setting your homework aside, why? Was the game or video more interesting? Was it easier than thinking about calculations and formulas? How can we make homework more interesting or the phone less distracting?

Start off slow.

You don’t want to rush yourself back into studying and work because you’re more likely to get caught up and go back to being unproductive. Set up an easy plan for yourself and follow through. Try planning to study in the morning for a couple of hours, no longer than 3 total. If you could do this, increase it daily. If you couldn’t, don’t fret, and lower the amount until you’re back on track. Building up a habit or routine aids many individuals who’ve struggled with getting back on their feet.

Try to learn self-discipline.

There’s also a limit for everyone’s attention span. Some of us get distracted easily and tend to stay on our phones an extra few minutes when all we meant to do was check an important notification. Some of us get so distracted that we indulge ourselves into social media for hours. Learn to put your distractions away and be less lenient. One method is trying the Flora or Forest app. If you tend to get distracted super easily from your phone, set a timer for studying in the app and set your phone down. If you exit the app within the timespan, your growing tree will die! If you want to be an extremist, you can set it to where you’ll donate for a real tree to be grown instead when you fail.

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❑ Alessandra's tips

Failure is something we all have to deal with, sometime or another in our lives. It can be very discouraging and demotivating, but it happens to every one of us. In my opinion, failure is also an important learning process, so here are my tips on how to overcome failure.

The first step to dealing with failure is accepting that you have made a mistake or that you’ve failed that test, that your failure has happened and that you can’t change it anymore.

What I find helpful right after is to get my feelings out, whether it be frustration, anger or sadness. Those are all valid feelings and it is totally ok to feel them and act likewise (as long as you don’t hurt anybody hehe). After that, your head will be more clear to actually think about it.

The next step is to ask yourself why that failure happened, what you did wrong. Sometimes, it simply wasn’t your fault and there is nothing you can do. In most cases, however something specific is the cause, be it not studying, procrastinating, not paying attention in class, etc.

This leads me to my next point, which is finding out what you can learn from your mistake. When you know what the cause was, you know something that you can improve and do better next time.

I know this can be difficult, but sometimes there are positive aspects of failure. Try to find them! Maybe you learned something new through that mistake. Try to look at it in the grand scheme of things and then your failure might not be as bad as it seems at first.

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That is it for this issue! Thank you for reading. See you in the next issue~