What I’ve Learned from Friends on the Autism Spectrum

#autismawareness

now listening to: Forest Child by Skinny Atlas

Disclaimer: I am no expert! This is mainly meant to show that you can learn a lot simply from knowing people on the spectrum. It’s important to listen to them and try to understand. This is going off of what friends on the spectrum (mainly Asperger’s) have relayed to me, and a few sources to check some things. Feel free to correct me on anything.

Giving them /advice

THEY know what works best for them. So generally the best thing to do is ask them what they need, or ask what usually helps them during bad times, rather than suggesting random things. Suggesting something that works for you or someone else can actually worsen the situation, because it can come across as insensitive (or like you haven’t ever listened to what helps THEM or WHY those other things don’t work for them).

Stimming vs Tics

An important difference to note. Most autistic people, if not all, stim in some way. From what I understand, stimming is a response to an abundance of emotions, whether it’s feeling extremely happy, or responding to stressful situations.

Stimming isn’t limited to repetitive body movements, either.

:rose:

:rose:

Tics are more like muscle spasms, because a signal is sent to the brain, basically telling the person and their body that they have to do a certain motion, or vocalize a certain sound/phrase. The person feels they NEED to do this to satisfy it, and the feeling beforehand is extremely unpleasant. This is far less controllable.

:tulip:

:tulip:

However, even if stimming is technically easier to control, it doesn’t mean autistic people should be forced to control that behaviour. It typically is not a negative one, or harming anyone. Stimming can be very calming for the individual or enjoyable.

Sensory Overload

This is when the senses become too much for an autistic person and it can become physically painful, even. It could be caused by noise (seems to be the most common), someone shouting, or a loud/crowded room, etc. But it can also be caused by senses like touch, certain textures or fabrics. One of my friends really hates a select few materials and the stitching line on socks bothers him immensely. Sometimes the dark can be comforting, if they’ve been overwhelmed by bright lights. The flavour/texture of certain foods can overload the person sensorily as well- often autistics end up seen as picky eaters or a spoiled nuisance for it but this really is NOT the case. People need to take the time to understand what it could be like in their shoes. I hate that they are often made to feel ashamed, or bothersome for their needs. My friend asked if she could bring sound cancelling headphones to a drum circle we were thinking of going to, feeling nervous that it would be some sort of inconvenience or out of the norm. So I assured her it was totally fine, and that if anyone had a problem with it I would educate them on the spot. Everyone has their own needs.

Routine

For most autistic people, routine is necessary. For some, routine is everything. Being friends with them, it’s important to try to be on time when you can, and to keep their routine/schedule in mind when planning things. If there is a change or update to plans, try to let them know far ahead of time if possible. And don’t tell them they’re being anal for getting upset over a change in their routine, or tell them some “easy fix”. Just because you may feel differently about sticking to a routine doesn’t mean that you should disregard its importance in their eyes. There’s no need to hold it against yourself, or hate yourself for messing something up when it comes to their routine. Just consider how they could be feeling, and do your best.

Special Interests / Hyperfixation / Hyperfocus

note: some people on the spectrum do not like the term “special interests”, because they feel it sounds demeaning, or like a term you’d say to a small child. It depends on each person. I will use it here but I do recognize that.

A majority of autistic folks have “special interests”. This may come across as an unhealthy obsession, but that’s usually not the case (although yes, in some cases it does serve to be an interference or problem in daily life). Generally the individual is just really fascinated about their interest. For one of my friends with Asperger’s, it took her a while to hear about special interests, and she said it made so much sense once she did because of her fixation on everything to do with comics. She wasn’t just a fan, they were a significant fascination and a big part of her life.

An Article From Someone With Aspergers Who Can Explain It Far Better Than I Can

Okay, so hyperfixation / hyperfocus...

Autism Speaks Organization

Autism Speaks does NOT speak for the autistic community. They claim to, without even bothering to understand autistic people. Autism Speaks tries to invite everyone to a pity party for autism, thinking that’s the only way to raise awareness and funds for it. Furthermore, they barely even raise funds for autism. The amount of misinformation they often spread is astounding, and yet most people don’t know this. It’s the organization most people have heard about when they think of autism, and it SHOULDN’T be (please list better organizations in the comments!)

This Article Explains It Well

A majority of people who are actually autistic boycott the organization.

Oh yeah! There’s a new movement recently, #RedInstead

The old symbolism representing autism was associated mainly with Autism Speaks, and it wasn’t that diverse either. I’ll link some articles about why people are moving towards red instead!

1 2 3

the movement’s hashtag feed on twitter

Some people are also leaning towards Autism Acceptance Month rather than Autism Awareness Month. But that’s more debated and up in the air within the community.

High Functioning vs Low Functioning

These are used medically, but avoid using them otherwise. Some people are fine with them but typically they only serve to be degrading and/or dividing. It’s okay for an autistic individual to use it about themselves, though, of course.

Perception of Time

Often enough, time is perceived differently by autistic people. Sometimes it’s a slippery concept and hard to keep track of. This can affect things such as sleep. I believe this has something to do with their internal clock.

An Article On Autism and Time Perception

Autism and Honesty

I’ve noticed this a lot in friends with Asperger’s, and it’s something I’ve slowly become accustomed to. They don’t see a point in sugarcoating the truth, or not speaking their opinion fully, because “sugarcoating” is something fabricated socially. Social cues or certain social behaviors are something autistic people usually teach themselves from observing others (the nickname Social Chameleons comes out of this). However, some social constructs like hiding the truth with sweet words does not make sense to autistic individuals- no matter how much it is observed. “Why wouldn’t you just say the truth for what it is?” And they have a good point, actually. Although blunt honesty can be hard to take in, I’d say 8/10 times my friends with Asperger’s have meant well, when they’re honest with me. I’ve also grown positively in not being overly sensitive, because of it. They are not people who are inherently cold or rude by nature. They are honest people.

Learning Through Mistakes As A Friend

I’ve messed up before. I’ve joked too much about things that are serious for an autistic friend, or claimed to relate on something that I really couldn’t, because in reality it is far worse for them. Mistakes get made, and you learn from them. I certainly have.

There will be times where you slip up, or it takes you some time to understand something going on for an autistic friend. You don’t have to be perfect. What counts is trying to understand them so that you can get on the same page. Because really, we’re all characters in the same book: trying to get by in life.

sources

1 2 3 4 5

photography is mine, screenshots are from the sources, linked with credit.