5th October

(now im starting to doubt myself whether it is really your birthday)

i went on google to search up nice hunger games friendship quotes but there wasn't a suitable one.

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[ i haven't edited taylor in so long. i swear this is like the first in half a year or something. i made it just for you, be honoured ]

it seems like the only time i post on here is for birthdays now. i'm extremely forgetful as you might've had first-hand experience to on several s, but i your birthday. and i didn't even need to write it down somewhere or screenshot it. that's right, i might still not know the time difference but i do your birthday 🙃

we bonded over taylor swift, d&p, books, your 283993 tv shows, our tragic (love (the non-existent kind of love)) lifes, song recs (oh well kinda), that time you went bowling and you won (?) surprisingly, how school sucks...basically all kinds of random shit. it was all swell. but then i spent less time here and found new interests (aka bTS: complete kings) and you spent more time here and everyone knows how this story goes.

two people become friends → they talk a lot share stories act weird send personal messages get to know each other "i love you" best friends 4eva → distance timing break-down fighting → actually just distance → conversation becomes dry → person A gets new friends → and before you know it, what was once forever is now gone.

*whispers* because

nothing lasts forever.

nothing lasts fore|

nothing last|

nothin|

"but then again, nothing ever really ends does it?"

still not sure about how i feel about this. i kinda believe in both but then i know that's irrational. okay this is getting off-topic.

ANYWAYS

i think it was around the beginning of the year when i thought that that was the end of our friendship because we just didn't talk. for ages. and you never really seemed to care because i know you had time. because you were always on here but you never replied to me and by now i know it's typical salwa behaviour. 'it was good while is lasted' i thought. and it was really sad actually, because believe it or not you are one of my closest friends and the thought of not having you as my friend anymore was...sad. i didn't and i still don't want this friendship to just fade like all those other dry and dead ones.

i didn't want to just lose you like all those other people. and i thought about it for weeks whether i should let it go (yay dwell into my inner thoughts) or let you know because part of being friends is to talk with each other right ? so i did. and i'm glad i didn't lose you. even though you probably do talk with other people more than we do, you're one of the only people i trust-trust.

as you can see, i might be okay with writing stories but i suck at writing letters and touchy feely birthday stuff. there's just so much to say but i don't even know what to say. i just end up telling about my life story and no one wants to know that. im trying okay? anyways. if this happens to be a really long blog it's because i'm rambling on too much.

i am still waiting as to why we have more than a 50% chance of seeing each other SOMEDAY and i have asked a coupla times but salwa being salwa, have not answered me. but i figured you would tell me when you're bored or something. but why would any decent human being tell someone that and then leave them hanging for how many months now ?? seems like that not decent human being is you 🙄

the day we meet is the day that i can finally put a face to the name salwa something camila.

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(this is a fucking mess im so sorry you don't deserve this)

i just hope that you know i love you and that i would probably feel mentally really heavy and lonely if not for you right now. i think it was your ig birthday post to me this year, that you said that i was like a personal diary that you could literally say anything to. but i don't want to be just that. i mean i'm grateful that you can say anything with me, that's the kind of foundation of any friendship that lasts, but i want you to know that to me, you're not just a personal diary that i could scribble all my thoughts onto and ditch whenever i don't need to rant anymore. you're a friend, my friend, one of my best friends that i've ever had and not a thing that i just come to and vent to. i will tell you whatever i want, whatever that comes to mind, all my worries, all the dumb little stuff, the books you never and will possibly never read, how i need to pee right now, how i've never skipped a day of school since forever, my little ponies, whatever. and who knows what the future holds, but i promise that i won't leave you. and i'll try not to make you feel like shit and lonely like all your real life people make you feel like most of the times. because that's the worst thing someone can make someone else feel, and no one deserves that.

(ps im listening to sad songs right now so i feel sad)

i don't quite my first impression(s) of you. i didn't even know you, until unnati and you became best friends and everyone was curious and wanted to be your friend. but i suppose it was somewhere along the lines of:

she seems edgy. like those cøøl emo people that have dark profiles because of some hidden feelings or whatever. she doesn't seem like my kind of friend. she seems too blunt and straight-forward.

but look at us now. i still can't believe i told you that sleepwalking experience i had when we weren't even that close ?? like did i not think that through?? past hazel already knew she could trust you.

happy sweet sixteenth salwa ♡

your irl birthday might seem sucky, i sure hope not, but i wish you a very happy birthday. make a wish.

also, i don't think people tell you this enough, and you probably won't believe me, but:

you are beautiful, salwa. you are loved because i love you.

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im gonna leave this here

that's right, you heard it first from me.

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