After years and years of fighting it, of not wanting to see, I’m finally no longer pretending that everything is fine and I don’t need to do introspection. Of course, now that I have the capacity to do so now, The Morrigan is knocking on the door louder than she’s ever knocked before. I don’t feel ready, I know I can’t commit, but how can I fix my commitment issues if I don’t try? How can I build a habit if I just sit still. “I’m not dead yet,” a devotee to The Morrigan said as I finally found her page again after her own long hiatus to work through shit. “I’m not dead yet,” has been the motto so far this 2025. Even if I have to army crawl with my legs blown up and bloody, gunshots still sounding, potential mines anywhere I go, “I’m not dead yet,” and I keep pushing on.
Somehow, I feel like I’m almost on my feet, a feeling that is so foreign to me. My spiritual and mental goal this year, is to start regulating myself and to stop living in eternal freeze and dissociation. So far, I think it might work. With Hades and potentially The Morrigan at my side, with my mother doing her best to tolerate me as she coaches me until I can get a somatic therapist, I think this might work.
Finally, I feel like I’m starting to be free. Finally, I feel my wings starting to thaw. Finally, I think I can face all this bloodshed.
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A crow bit my hair and also sat beside me , looked at me and crowed