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:cyclone: DDD Mini Story :cyclone:

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Sora 07/31/17
27
14

:warning: {WARNING: MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS} :warning:

Hey! One of my favourite hobbies is writing stories, but I can never think of a story line straight away. That's why I've done this! I re-wrote a scene from Dream Drop Distance from Sora's perspective.

I'm not the best writer, but I want to try and improve as much as I can. Therefore, feel free to criticise! (But be nice please~~)

I'd also say my strongest point is writing about emotions??? That's why this might be a little d r a m a t i c ;;

 :cyclone:  DDD Mini Story  :cyclone: -[BC] :warning:  {WARNING: MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS}  :warning: 
[BC] Hey! One of my favourite hobbies is writing stories, but I

Art by me!

✧・゚: *✧・゚:*

"Sora, don't chase the dreams. They'll lead you nowhere, just to an abyss you'll never be able to wake up from."

My body is drained. I peer down at my trembling hands as a whimper escapes from between my deep breaths. This ceaseless nightmare traps me into the depths of slumber; my chest tightens and I begin to lose faith. Although peril may be near, I must keep going.

At last, I regain energy needed to break through this mere illusion- and there they are.

"Riku, Kairi, I found you!" I cry out and continue running towards them.

My friends.

Helplessly, I come to a halt and gaze at them with a thrilled smile. They do not return the expression- instead they stare at me blankly, their bodies fading into the thin air. My two greatest comrades are replaced by two familiar adults. The woman, who's azure hair sways softly against her face, turns to me with a sweet smile alongside the dark russet haired male. Only one word is able to break out of their silence.

"Ven."

Huh? Now, they're reaching toward me, holding out their hands. Desperately, my hands approach theirs before they soon become a blur. I can't see. No matter how hard I try, my eyes refuse to fixate on them. The unbearable silence surrounds me; memories and hallucinations swim throughout my mind and almost paralyse me. Melancholy, intimidation and the feeling of my heart being crushed, why is this happening? What do they want me to see?

My head lifts promptly as I catch sight of Riku and Kairi once again.

"Please, don't leave!"

I run. I run with acceleration but the force is too vigorous. My shoes pace heavily upon the ground- I can't make it. I feel both terrified and decisive: terrified as the inevitable darkness is imprisoning me, decisive because I need to reach them. What is going on?

"Sora! Don't! You've gotta wake up! Sora!"

Everything is now smothered in obscurity but I keep on running regardless. It's painful. My strength enervates; I reach out dependently as I sob.

"Wait!"

✧・゚: *✧・゚:*

So it turns out when I actually write things I feel like the story is actually dragging out then when I read it again it's super quick holy--

But anyways I hope you liked it!

✧・゚: *✧・゚:*

Here is the scene I wrote!

IT STARTS AT 12:00

Likes (27)
Comments (14)

Likes (27)

Like 27

Comments (14)

Finally had a chance to read this! I have three recommendations! Overall I really liked it, it was a great scene to pick and I adore the drawing too.

1. I'd add an extra linebreak between each set of lines, it just looks a litle nicer and less sandwiched.

2. While good word choice is important, I feel you might be overusing the thesaurus a little. It doesn't read naturally at parts because it feels the larger words are a bit forced in. With a character like Sora in particular, voice is important. His word choice can be a bit simpler without sacrificing being a good writer, he's no Zexion.

This line in particular tipped me off as being a bit on the word-salad side: "I run with acceleration but the force is too vigorous."

Something more Sora's voice could read more like: "I try to run faster, but it feels like I'm being pushed back. I can't fight against it."

3. Just a grammar fix. When describing someone as "color"-haired you'd use a hyphen instead of a space. So blue-haired, red-haired, russet-haired. The Aqua description was grammatically correct but the Terra one just needs a hyphen!

Keep up the good work, you're an excellent writer and you have a lot of potential!

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1 Reply 08/10/17

Reply to: Master Aqua

Thank you so much. I was also writing a mini story from Riku's perspective but I didn't finish it. I'm not sure why, but at first I thought I got the original KH story wrong. I think that one is a little more simple but I'm not sure.

And thank you again for reading this! It means a lot :)

I'm very excited about writing club!

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1 Reply 08/10/17

Reply to: :dolphin: Sora :dolphin:

I can't wait to see more writing from you in the future!

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1 Reply 08/10/17

Reply to: Master Aqua

Thanks :D

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1 Reply 08/10/17

Hit me with that a n g s t

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1 Reply 08/01/17

Reply to: :rose: Sora :rose:

-

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1 Reply 08/01/17

Reply to: :sweat_drops: Demyx :sweat_drops:

omg-

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0 Reply 08/01/17
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