hurricane boy

joseph 07/06/22

this poem is rated: yellow

cw: swearing, blood, self destructive behavior

content warning included in case color coding is slightly off

#ExtremeWeather entry

--------

he's

seeing red

the raindrops

ric ochet off the inside of my head and i

im feeling rather

like the color of the popped blood vessel in my

palm

like the rain

and the wind and the air from outside that

pounds on

my windows like it wants to hurt me the way i want to hurt me

makes my skull thump till i

dont know left from

wrong and

all he can do is paint it red

palm

fronds in the storm get

wrenched off the trunk

red like the color of the floater neon light that follows me after he

i stare at the sun for too long while my

friends

look on in concern and bewilder

ment

shit he's gone mental

chewing on a menthol i cant light it in rain

cigarette for your information so it cant hurt me like the w

his face is

red like the scrapes on his hands and knees because

what the

fuck

threw himself into the concrete so he could see how it feels

the heat the red rushing numb from my skin the

dizzy dizzy dizzy

way the cuts always helped but this time all he see is the red

momma always said red means anger but i dont

feel much

specially not angry

"you're being disruptive joseph"

but mom

ma...

im on top of the world but im-he's-sure not

happy

ego trip

ping at the gas station where i walked

barefoot in the downpour chilly

felt like ice

standing in the fridge air looking for red drink

so sweet it makes my teeth ache

all i see is paint on the walls

drip

dri p

ping

red down the side of the building

mixing with rain

it wished it had time to dry

maybe then it wouldn't

have been washed away so easily

i like to stand on my desk and scream until my mom has to come to the school

man

handle me

to somewhere quiet where i can sit and

ang

things into the walls and my face till all i feel is red

wow momma look at that

faggot down there

looks just like me

and im he's

staring from above like i dont know who the fuck i am fucking idiot

mom

said that im supposed to

eat the blue pills

cuz they make me get

better

so i dont go

dancing in the arms of a hurricane

she says i have anhedonia

i dont even know what a "hedonia" is but

i think that she

has

the face of a dog because she cant see red

the way i do

i told her so and she

made water come out her eyes and did this

weird scrunched

face

it made her eye whites

egg whites

go red

she got dark

dark and angry like the hurricanes that used to scare me when i was little but now i stand up

on the roof

because they cant push me around the way

the tree branches get ripped from the sky

the red

sky

i dance in the flood with my knees all torn

shredded

and it

the blood

goes to the water

and down the drain

thats where momma said her hopes for me

went

that made his

my face wet

so i stand in the hurricane

i hope that the

drip

dripping

from the rain

will run down my face and

mix with

the salt so

no one can tell that

im seeing red

-------

i didn't intend for this to be an entry for the challenge but in the second draft process it just happened?

i lived in new orleans for the first 10 years of my life so i experienced my fair share of hurricanes

i standing out on the back porch in the storm, the wind whipping around me and stray tree branches clattering against the house and the pavement. the rain would blow in sideways and even though i was a little kid, i felt this sense of familiarity standing in that angry storm.

both the background photo and the cover are mine

hurricane boy-[CI]this poem is rated: yellow

[CI]cw: swearing, blood, self destructive behavior
[C]content warning included

Likes (20)

Like 20

Comments (6)

Sepia

This is such a fascinating poem! I love how experimental you went with it.

The unpredictable aspect of the verses fits the nature of a hurricane very well, but also the mental state of the narrator. And even though there are some intense moments in there, the various harsh breaks actually had a sort of numbing affect after a while, like the narrator can’t focus, wandering off and slipping dazedly from thought to thought.

The words are violent and upsetting, but the way they’re delivered is erratic, yet calm and almost thoughtless. Just like hurricanes can come and go in some places, and become almost a familiar occurrence, so can the awful days and thoughts become mundane, bleeding into each other. It’s such an uncomfortable reality, but expressed really well through the structure of the poem. I really appreciate the interesting approach you took here.

Since you matched an extreme weather event with the inner turmoil of a character so well, I’d say you nailed the theme of this challenge!

The only criticism I have, and this may be a more subjective one, is that maybe the poem went on for a bit too long, making the broken structure start to get a bit tiring, and it felt like it was losing itself a bit there in the middle. I think it really would’ve benefited from being just a bit shorter, so that it’d have a stronger impact, and stay more on that important connection between the hurricane and the calm violence of one’s self-destructive thoughts.

1 Reply 07/21/22

joseph Author

thanks! i totally agree with ur point that it went on for a bit too long. it was written during a time where i was severely sleep deprived which also contributed to the writing style but it led to me rambling and then being too tired to edit it much. i really appreciate the advice :))

1 Reply 07/22/22

joseph Author

Reply to: joseph

i wish i had the patience to rework it before i posted it lol impatience and just not caring enough are my biggest flaws

1 Reply 07/22/22