Journey Through His Solos ; Minghao Day

”The clouds that hang in the sky appear really beautiful, but who would know of the tears they hide.”

Night and Rain, a song Minghao wrote and produced himself with help from Woozi, has and always will be one of the most beautiful things I will ever listen to. Though it was released on SoundCloud on March 8th of 2018, it will forever have a special place in my heart. When I listened to it for the first time, I couldn’t stop bawling like a baby. I actually didn’t know of its existence for a whole week before I finally listened to it, and I feel terrible every day for not listening to it as soon as it came out, but some things just can’t be helped. I’m glad this song exists at all because it’s comforted me throughout many difficult days over the past two years and a half. At night, I would have it playing softly on my laptop when I had difficulty sleeping. It was always so comforting to listen to and just made me so happy even if the lyrics themselves are quite somber. I just really love Night and Rain so much.

The lyrics of Night and Rain were written during his hiatus from group promotions from December 2017 to February 2018. They revealed his inner frustrations in such a beautiful way. This injury was supposedly caused by overuse of his back during the Diamond Edge world tour that year and pushing himself to his limits. He was struggling with this injury for a long time but he continued to promote Clap due to his sheer perseverance. He never wanted to disappoint Carats, but it hurts my heart every time I look back on it. You could sometimes see how much pain he was in during certain stages. It just hurts so much to watch. Finally deciding to go on hiatus must have been a huge relief, but I can see how much he disliked it based on the lyrics. You can feel all the emotions he was feeling because of the way he sings and raps said lyrics. It must have been so hard not being able to see Carats and promote on stage. I want him to know that he is so strong for overcoming the hiatus. Writing lyrics is the best coping mechanism, and a beautiful song was born of it.

Nowadays, when I listen to that song, I close my eyes and hear the voice I’ve come to love. I imagine what was going through his mind as he was writing the lyrics and feel so proud he opened up about these feelings. I’m just so proud of him considering this was his first ever solo song.

”Understand who I am, don't come against me. Outer appearances don't mean everything; inner beauty is precious. Let’s differentiate between right and wrong.”

If you would have told me back in March 2018 that Minghao would be participating on a Chinese survival show where his first stage would be another solo performance, I most likely wouldn’t have believed you. Yet, July 2018 came and here I was watching CYZJ (Chao Jin Zhan Ji - The Collaboration) with Minghao, Jun, Yanan, and Samuel. The show has changed not only my overall perspective of Minghao, but Minghao’s perspective on art itself as well. He was put through many trials and tribulations and pushed himself to try new things and find his style. This show sent everyone, from artists to viewers, on an emotional rollercoaster, but I would go back any day just to feel the emotions of seeing each new performance for the first time, especially his solo performance.

To show his more fun hip hop style to the other participants on the show, Minghao decided to take Clap, a well known high energy song that perfectly describes Seventeen as a whole, and create a remix of it called Pai Shou. He took Clap and, with the help of Woozi and Bumzu, remixed it into a style that fit his own and wrote Chinese lyrics similar to Clap. I loved this song from the first listen on the show! I watching the first episode and seeing a preview of his performance. I was absolutely stunned by how he looked. He was in this beautiful black and red outfit with his long black mullet styled up. He looked like such a beautiful prince! I literally could not breathe because I was that stunned. Yet, I would have to wait a whole week after episode 1 to see Pai Shou because he was to be the first performance of episode 2. That only heightened my excitement to see the performance even further. Of course I was disappointed, but being at the beginning of episode 2 was much more impactful, not to mention it was seriously impactful from the very beginning. All the participants loved it so much, especially Samuel. Seeing how much he looks up to Minghao made me relate to him so much. I look up to him as an artist on a daily basis, and sharing these emotions with another huge artist made me feel so proud of MInghao

The performance itself was incredible, as to be expected from the Xu MInghao himself. I was ugly crying the whole time because I was so proud of him considering how far he’s come in the 3 years since debut at the time. It was so full of energy, and everyone at the show, from Minghao himself to the backup dancers to the participants observing from their waiting rooms, was having so much fun. The choreography was top notch and hit all the accents and rode the melody. He even threw in a few easter eggs, like moves from other Seventeen songs, most notably Adore U right at the beginning of the performance. I also can’t mention this performance without some of the most iconic lines MInghao ever sang/rapped: “Eight style superstar shining crystal” and the obituary “T H E to the 8” of course!

I can’t tell y’all in words how much this performance impressed me. I had no idea he was capable of something like this because Pledis never really allowed him to explore his talents until now. This makes me endlessly thankful for The Collaboration and how it accelerated Minghao’s career and allowed him to show us beautiful vocals and impressive rapping he has never before.

”Once upon a time, my pillow was once filled with many moldy dreams, but now my tears have all dried up, buried deep within my heart. There will be a day where my Dreams Come True.”

The excitement I felt was beyond anything when I found out he would be releasing another solo song, this time an actual song on the market and making his actual solo debut in China. Dreams Come True was such a huge milestone in his career, and I’m so glad he was able to finally reach it. He fought so hard to get to this point, so he deserves every bit of recognition for this incredible song that he can get. Idol life is very very difficult, so I’m glad he created a song about overcoming his struggles to reach his dreams that he’s had since he was very young. As he said in the song, only his pillow knew his tears. He wanted his dream of being a celebrity so badly, but it was so hard. He was alone in a foreign country with nobody to take care of him, but he made that decision himself and he wanted his dream so badly, so he stuck with it. I’m so proud of him for this. Also, finding out he painted the background of the album cover himself was such a blessing. This shows how far he’s come not only in one aspect of his artistry, but in many other aspects as well.

I the exact moment this song came out. I was at my dance studio on break between rehearsals. I was so lucky things timed out perfectly and that I could listen to it as soon as it came out. I sat there in astonishment for about 5 minutes after listening to it for the first time and trying not to cry. I loved the direction he took the song. It was so different from Night and Rain and Pai Shou, yet it was just his style. His beautiful vocals never failed to make me so happy, and his rapping improved even more from Pai Shou, though this song was more vocally driven. Those beautiful vocals remained in my mind the whole day and kept me going through the long rehearsal hours that summer before my performance.

The official video that was released with the song was a dance video of him and a few backup dancers. I’m still not over it to this day. I’m literally shaking just thinking about that video. He’s just that powerful and such an amazing dancer. I wish one day I could take a class from him to learn all that he knows. It’s one of my biggest dreams to take a class from him. Anyways, I’ve been so obsessed with the choreography since the first time I saw it, and I have been wanting to learn it for so long but never got around to it. Maybe addressing this here and now will finally make me learn it. It’s difficulty is in the many small and sharp isolations that contrast greatly with some of the more smooth movements. He plays around so much with the accents and melody, highlighting different parts of the song depending on which type of movement he does. Also, that flip stunt he did with 2 of the backup dancers left me speechless. I actually wasn't expecting it, and when it happened, I was left starstruck. Then at the end, he takes off his jacket and does some solo choreography that incorporates a small amount of break dancing of course. It wouldn’t be a Xu Minghao dance without a small bit of break dancing! Also, I can’t forget to mention the beautiful outfit he wore. Black and gold looks so good on him.

Again and forever always, I’m so proud of how far he has come from that shy little adorable boy during the 17 Carat era to who he is today. Celebrating the struggles he’s gone through to reach his goals through this song made me realize my own goals were achievable if I put my mind to it.

”The world is collapsing, shattering, breaking. After I disappear completely, you won’t realize I once existed.”

I can’t explain in words the emotions this song makes me feel. It hurts in a very specific way, but it is one of the most beautiful songs in the world. Just like Night and Rain, I would have Falling Down playing softly on my laptop at night when I had difficulty sleeping. It was always so comforting to listen to and just made me so happy even with the extremely depressing lyrics. Writing those lyrics was a way of coping during a particularly difficult point in his career. He’s talked about this during his Hit the Road episode, and it broke me so much. I had no idea he was feeling this way the whole time during that period. I just really want to let him know how much he means to every single one of us and how much he inspires many of us in our own artistic journeys.

Minghao truly is an artistic person, so when he started feeling this way, he didn’t know how to express his strong emotions, so he turned to reading, art, and lyrics writing. He has a sketchbook filled with super unique and abstract drawings about these certain emotions. He will sometimes write lyrics to express his thoughts and read to escape reality. While he’s doing these things, he feels like he can empty his mind and let go of those emotions. I felt a little upset and just a hint of unease when he mentioned he was thinking these thoughts, that he wasn't good enough, that he didn’t deserve any of this and that idol life was tearing him apart bit by bit. As a full out 8star, of course I would be worried for him, and if he needed to take a break from idol life and collect his thoughts, I would be completely understanding. Idol life has so many pros and cons, and sometimes these cons can be a little too much at times and outweigh the pros. Having time to himself to read, write, and draw balances out the hectic and demanding life of an idol. I just hope he knows we are all here for him and appreciate everything he’s done and all his hard work. I want him to know he’s loved by so many people all over the world. His efforts aren’t for nothing.

Again, this solo’s official video was another dance video. This time, it was contemporary dance with only one other person. I could honestly go on and on about the choreography and the symbolisms behind some of the things he does, such as gestures and other movements he does with his partner, but that’s another blog for another time. Just know that many of the movements he does represents the struggle between climbing and falling, and all the emotions of idol life in between. The fact that he picked up contemporary dance and became this good at it in such a short amount of time is incredible. I can see how much he practiced between the first Doodle Diary entry to Falling Down. Since one of my stronger dance subjects is contemporary, I might want to have a go at learning this one as well, save for some of the partnering bits. It would mean the world to me to learn something of his creation.

I know I’ve said this about every song already, but this song really means so much to me. It opened my eyes. Nobody can be 100% perfect and happy all the time, even the person you might look up to who seems so. Each person goes through their individual struggles and may keep them from the world. You never know who might be going through a difficult time, so try to spread as much positivity as you can. I want Minghao to know that he is so strong for overcoming this rough time and that Carats are all here for him to send him endless love. Just like in Night and Rain, writing lyrics is the best coping mechanism, and another incredibly beautiful song was born from that.

I can’t explain in words the amount of love I have for this man. The way he views the world and expresses himself is truly unique, and I ire that so much. As an artist myself, looking towards him for inspiration is something I do on a daily basis whether its fashion, art, or dance choreography, and I’m thankful someone like him exists in the world. Xu Minghao, thank you for all of your hard work throughout the years. It’s definitely paid off. You are such a talented man who has such a unique and interesting view of the world. You have no idea how much you mean not only to me, but countless other Carats out there around the world. You may have reached your goal of becoming a star, but there’s always more out there, so don't stop here. Keep reaching onwards beyond the stars Minghao. May you hear endless Pai Shou (applause/clapping), have few Nights with Rain, never Fall Down, and may your Dreams Come True.

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