Loveless Pt: 2

Relationship(s): Hamliza

Characters: 7,212

Estimated time to read: 5 mins

Trigger warning(s): None

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Alexander Hamilton wasn’t known for many good things in the public eye. He could spend his his time writing down a list of the things people said about him, and he could say with complete certainty that almost all of them would be insults. He was only twenty three years old, and already his reputation had been trampled in the mud.

So it has only made it all the more shocking, to both him and everyone else, when Elizabeth Schuyler, the beautiful, clever, caring young lady who could steal any man’s heart with so much as a smile, had chosen him. In the beginning Alexander had been convinced it was all a trick, because why would someone like Eliza want to even consider marrying someone like him? However, she had reassured him with gentle words and soft kisses, he had thought he was safe with her. He had thought he wouldn’t be hurt anymore.

He had thought wrong.

Two weeks. They had been married only two weeks before she was already going of with another man, letting him into their bed while he was out at war. It wasn’t until he took a short leave to come back to Eliza that he found out, and he distinctly ed wishing he had stayed at camp. Why hadn’t he just stayed at camp?

It had been four days since she had confessed to him, four days since everything was ruined. How Alexander longed to just forget about it all, to love her as he had before, to be able to look at her without seeing another man kissing her, holding her. He should have known it wouldn’t last, bastard orphans don’t get to keep wives. They don’t get to know loyalty, to know trust, he shouldn’t have trusted her. He should have learned that no one can be trusted, not fathers, brothers, or wives. He should have learned, he shouldn’t have ever courted Eliza, he should have stayed alone. He was safe alone.

But then he thought about how happy she had once made him, and he couldn’t believe it had been fake. Eliza had loved him, Eliza loved him. He tried to remind himself of that, of those feelings she had first sparked in him, he tried to fan them back to life, he really did. But deep down he knew that nothing would ever be the same, and with that one thought he would loose any progress he had made.

Eliza was trying too, he could see that she was. Some part of him almost pitied her, but Alexander had never been one to forgive out of pity. She had hurt him, and despite her best efforts this wasn’t a wound that could be stitched. She kept trying though, relentlessly trying to get him to just look at her, she would beg him to just look at her. But he couldn’t, because every time he did he had to resist the urge to run back to her, and he didn’t want to do that. He didn’t want to be hurt more, trusting caused hurt, but forgiveness caused agony. He wouldn’t be fooled twice, he didn’t know what she wanted from him but she wasn’t going to get it.

He still loved her though, he had realized that the first time he had chosen to ignore her, and had accepted it the first time he put on a smiling mask in public. He would not have her be shamed for this, because she may have hurt him but he didn’t want to hurt her, not in that way anyway. If her betrayal got out it would not only destroy her reputation, but also make her a public target. Who knew what people would say about her, what they would do to her. He held no interest in finding out.

So he put on a mask, a facade. Nothing had happened, that’s how everyone else seen it anyway. He would smile with her in public, around her friends, her family. Nobody had noticed how he never actually touched her, and chances are nobody ever would. It was considered improper for a couple, even a husband and wife, to do much in the presence of other people. Sometimes simply pecking each other on the lips would earn you a glare, so in that sense at least they were safe.

“Please Alexander! Please just listen to me, let me know your still there! Scream, shout, I don’t care! Just do something!”

Ah yes, he had forgotten Eliza was talking to him. She had found him sitting in the living area, and had decided to once again try to get him to open up. She had been doing so for quite a few minutes now though, and as he continued to ignore her she had become more desperate.

“Alexander... Alex... please.” Came her voice again, now more brittle and quiet.

Alexander kept his gaze trained on the wall for a long moment, his expression a perfectly controlled into a blank slate. Don’t let her see anything, don’t give her something to work off of. However, since the silent treatment wasn’t discouraging her as he had hoped, he slowly turned his gaze to her, looking at her where she stood a few feet away from him. She was crying, her breath hitching in little sobs. At one time Alexander would have jumped to his feet without hesitation, wrapping her in his arms and simply holding her. He could feel his fingers twitch, his leg lift just the slightest bit, before he turned his gaze away once more, a small sigh falling past his lips.

“What does it matter Eliza? In three days I’ll go back to war, and then you can be with your lover once more.“ He said, the words coming out breathy yet hoarse, his voice scratchy from its recent disuse.

“No, Alexander don’t talk like that! What I did was a mistake, a- a stupid mistake that I will regret for the rest of my life. Please, don’t go back to war with us like this, what if something happens to you?...I- I don’t want this to be how we end-”

“You ended it the moment you laid with him!” Alexander broke, his demeanor changing all to fast as he stood from his seat.

“I thought I had finally found someone I could trust, don’t you see that Eliza?! I had put away my fears and doubts because I had wanted so bad to live a good life with you, the life you said we would have! I loved you Eliza... I love you.” His voice cracked, tears starting to slip down his cheeks.

Eliza stayed silent, her eyes downcast in shame and guilt as she listened to him. But when she heard him confess that he still loved her, her gaze shot back up to him. She watched as he slowly crumbled, could only stand there frozen as he slowly approached her. By the time he stopped they were mere inches apart, both of them holding their breath as they resisted the urge to close the gap between them.

“I love you Eliza, I love you so much, and I want to hate you. I wish I could despise you, leave you to suffer in your ‘mistakes’ by yourself, but I can’t.” He met her gaze with his own, both broken so differently, but exactly the same.

“I’m sorry...” The words fell past her lips as no more then a whisper, yet the sheer sorrow in them made them seem as if they should have been shouted.

Alexander regarded her slowly, carefully, and for a moment he wanted to fix this. He wanted to build them back up, to hold her and kiss her, to start the life, the family they had dreamed of.

But then a scene of her with another flashed before his eyes, and along with it came all the same fear and doubt, the same anger and hurt. So he merely looked away from her, his facade returning as if it had never been broke.

“I know.” He murmured, walking past her and leaving the room.

That was starting to feel far to familiar.

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Ayyyyye, it’s finally here!

I decided to write this one from Alexander’s perspective, I mostly wanted to give you all a feel of how he feels about this situation. I think I’m just going to keep switching back and fourth between the both of them for this story, to differ between each part.

Btw, this story takes place two days after the first one, I’m not sure if that really matters but just thought I’d tell y’all.

So, will Alexander forgive Eliza before he has to go back to war? Will he ever forgive her at all? Who is this mysterious lover, and will we ever meet him? I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

I hope you all liked my story, and may you have a wonderful rest of your day/night. And until next time this is F0R3V3RCAT, g off~