Respectfully Writing Polyamorous Characters

I've recently come to the realization that most people don't have the slightest clue what polyamory is.

"But Brucie," I hear you saying, "I know what it means! It means someone who dates more than one person!"

Close, but no cigar, little cub. Let's break the word down.

The prefix "poly" means many. Where as "amory" means love.

To be polyamorous is to LOVE many people, not just to date them.

This may seem obvious, or like a nitpick, but I think this lack of understanding leads to poor writing in characters. People tend to write poly groups like they're someone with a stable partner who goes out and sleeps with a bunch of people. And while yes, some people allow that in their relationship, that isn't what we're talking about here.

A polyamorous relationship is a ive, loving relationship between multiple people who are informed of all aspects of the relationship. Maybe person A has a different relationship with partner B than with partner C, but the point is its all informed and consensual.

So please, for the love of all that is holy, don't write poly characters who are just cheaters. Being poly doesn't mean you can't be cheated on. If a couple or group have an "open" relationship, it has been agreed that the involved parties at free to date or sleep with whom ever they wish, as long as partner D is aware partners B and C exist. (It is poor etiquette to sleep with someone and not tell them you are spoken for, even if you are in an open relationship.)

Here's where the writing bit comes in. Most poly relationships are CLOSED. Three or more people who exclusively date each other. Using the excuse "they're poly" to justify your oc sleeping with the entire canon cast is insulting to polyamorous people. , amorous means love, not lust.

If you have a plan for a character who is in a poly relationship with the whole Justice League or every single Avenger, I'm not telling you not to write it. If you have an idea, you have the right to put it out there.

All I ask is that you consider how your character would be seen by others. Is being poly just a quality they have, like their hair color? Than you're probably a-okay.

But if you ever write a character who uses being polyamorous as an excuse to use people, know you are making polyamorous people like me in perfectly healthy, closed relationships feel like strangers believe they are a fetish.

Love is love, cubs.

Stay safe.