Looking Back: Chapter 1

(A rough work to be continued later on. This post is connected to the roleplay lore of NSG and some original character stuff that occurs during the events of Persona 1 in 1996. Isamu, the centre of this story is my own character whilst the named character of Javier and the mentioned character of Koji belong to Auden Please enjoy, if this is a bit rough, criticism is appreciated as I always look to improve my writing.)

An empty detective agency, examining the photographs, memories of the past put on display. My eyes form tears, manifestations of morning dew. I’m in none of them, yet I feel so attached to this place. I guess I should leave something here before I go. Putting up my phone against something I take a nice little photo with the Kuzunoha Crest in my hand, clutched within my palm. Quickly printing off the photo nicely, I take out a pen from the Chief’s desk. Quick strokes of a pen as I note down a little message, leaving the photo face up on the desk. There was a note on the back for anyone in the detective agency to read, I hoped someone I was more familiar with would read it though. Doubt somebody like Tamaki would care to read it if they stumbled upon it. I could return the suit but… I like it. Makes me feel snazzy and gives me a constant reminder that I have a debt to pay here. Same with the revolver, maybe they’ll come looking for it. Did take it from an important preserve so… they’ll probably want it back at some point. With those parting thoughts, I pick up my bag and guitar case, leaving the Kuzunoha Detective Agency for now.

Looking back at the sign, I sigh. No point getting regretful now, made a decision and I’ve gotta live with it. There’s no such thing as the best of both worlds, for we only live in one true world. I take out my phone, quickly dialling somebody. A familiar voice over the phone, listening to it was a blessing, I speak in response. “Yea, I’m heading back for a bit, would be nice to see you all. It’s been a while since we all met up.” A pause as my face reddens with the memories mentioned. “Yea, I’ve avoided mountains. I think I could fight a bear though… The wolves are my friends anyway, they’d help me out in a tough spot.” I went missing a few times in my youth, for no particular reason other than childhood wonder. Another pause, yet no embarrassment… more so sadness. “No… I don’t think I’ve found it yet. I feel like I’m chasing an empty idea. The Strength, what did Igor mean when he drew me that card?” A tangent in response as they shouted through the phone’s microphone, they wouldn’t let me stay in this state. The mention of ‘Leader.’ No one had called me that for a while. I crack a smile as I keep walking down the street on my phone call. “Yea, yea. I get it. Can’t let myself be caught in unnecessary questions that… ‘plague my consciousness.’ I know. Thanks for this. I’m gonna be in Mikage-Cho for a few days but after that I’ll be in Okinawa looking into something.”

I don’t know whether to bring up the reason for me going there, I’m close with them but… I don’t want to worry them with my own issues anymore. We were all there for each other back then but now… I don’t want to shackle them with my burdens. “Yea, just going to revisit my homeland, maybe get more in touch with myself for a bit. Might learn a bit more about my dad as well!” A laugh as I bring it up, it was a possibility. Didn’t expect my dad’s friend to reach out, no idea if he’s a Yak or not. Something came to mind…. “Oh! I have a question, you’re good with the internet and computers right! Can you look into something for me? Hirasaki, look into something there! There was some kinda Devil Summoner, if you can find any information on them and the origin of their GUMPS, it might lead me to something. Actually, one more place…. Tsukigata Village, might’ve changed names as of recent… but I was reading something over. It might have something to do with one of those GUMPS as well. If you Tamaki, it’s like an upgraded version of the COMP or what not she used.” A nod as I hear an affirming yes. “Thanks, if anything comes up, I’m one call away.”

I hang up. I feel somewhat guilty roping my old friends back into my current life in some roundabout way. I take my two bags with me as I look around, I don’t know the nearest train station from here… “Oi! Over there! You know where the nearest train station is?” A brown-haired boy turned to me, with a peculiar hairstyle and somewhat piercing eyes, yet his demeanour quickly changed after he realised my age. He raised his arm, decent wingspan, pointing in a direction out of Kameya Alley. “You’re going to want to head towards Yumezaki Centre, through there should be a train station on the other side.” He pointed that way until I made my way towards it before turning around and walking deeper into Kameya Alley. Heading over with a time lapse of footsteps. The train platform now beneath my feet, all I can do is wait with the whistling of the wind. It was a pretty cold morning, the departing tailwind telling me that this is the path to go, where I must leave. I sigh to myself, sometimes this is how things go. I don’t know about myself. I don’t know about my dream, believed in the hero peace sign… like an idiot. The whistling wind, I can’t simply live without consequences, I’m a human who lives within this grand society. My existence is important, I can’t just fade away into unknown peace.

The train platform was pretty empty, it provided solace and the ability to think. I take out some of the food I brought with me. A red apple, as ripe as can be. I take a bite, the juice dripping against the cold floor beneath me. One droplet sounded like a sound effect, echoing throughout the train platform. Looking around… I wish I had changed out of the suit. The bag I brought with me contained a few things, the guitar I always kept with me, even if it’s not instrumental to my ability anymore. Thoughts running through my head… a Persona breaking? I haven’t seen that in a while, I guess myself is so prone to change. Maturity makes me another man as I grow… so does the depth of my soul. I scroll through my phone, a few s I hesitate to call before exiting that app. I search on the web, going through some forums. A mention on one was talking about a prior incident. A man named Deus with a key link to… Mikage-Cho. I heard mention of him around at one time, mainly pointing to the past. I forgot where though… I think Javier brought it up at one point. I’m gonna be left with my thoughts for a while, maybe it’ll come to me again. I eventually ate the rest of my apple, my brain rattling for some recollection of what happened, what he said. I guess with the future on my mind, it’s hard to key events of the past.

In my daze of thinking and occasional scrolling, my train eventually arrived. I’ll have to board one or two more trains before getting anywhere. Taking a seat, it appears I’ve arrived decently early, at least early enough to grab myself somewhere comfortable rather than standing. Shadows on the train car, it’s not the brightest but… I’ll make do. Can’t exactly complain and I know I’m not in any real danger, even if I have to expose myself in front of a bunch of random civilians. Yet the shadows move, running across the train… I mean. Of course they would, the environment around me is constantly changing. I’m a bit tired anyway. I think I’ll rest my eyes for the rest of the first ride, let the music take me away. A subtle strumming, quiet and psychedelic, as if meant to take me to another world. Visions orchestrated by a nice arrangement. Tears well up in my eyes as I drift off momentarily, awoken only when the train came to a screeching halt. Jolted, I open my eyes as the voice on the intercom directs me to my current stop. I glanced around, the shadows faded, as if disappearing from sight. A man followed my footsteps, as if pursuing my but when I turned he leaned further away. I guess waking up has kind of… distracted me

I look up from the ground, trying to find myself again as my thoughts recollect. The music had taken away, it seems my shuffle play has taken me to older music tastes I had. More punk rock, focused on energy and feeling rather than technical skill. Just what sounds cool rather than what is… “high ability.” I’m a man who enjoys music, who feverishly plays but… am I a musician? I don’t really know, does talent make a musician? Does proficiency or the chords I play make me who I am? Or is it simply the sound, the ability to provoke feelings from ones soul? With my thoughts in a hurricane, a breeze blows through the current train platform as another one rolls in. I get up from leaning on the little railing, the shadows seem to be following me, swelling up until… nothing. I glance back at the train car, stepping with hesitation as I take another seat. A small jingle over the intercom as the train engineer speaks announcing the next stop. I’d have to sit for a stop or two before getting to the next station I needed. Over the intercom a specific phrase had caught my attention. “We are now leaving Sumaru City, hopefully everyone enjoyed their time within its perimeter!” Time froze, it was as if the voice didn’t finish, if I could hear it permanently. My ears began ringing, my very body convulsed as something consumed the very train car… despite that. It was only me who resided inside.

An entity, something malformed yet familiar. Covered in tentacles with a blackened design, it felt as if the moonlight illuminated the very train car yet… it was midday. “You believe getting out of this city will allow you peace of mind? To escape the very grasp of chaos? No, you’ll come back. Whether it be now, or another time, you’ll come crawling back all the same.” What did he mean? Another time? Chaos? I… seem to recall such a thing. Not from my encounters but from what a friend told me. The mirror in the corner of the train car shattered… I was left standing in a now filled train car, people were around, simply going by their day. It appeared nothing was wrong. I take my seat back, only as much as I thought it was filled… it was still pretty empty. I guess in comparison to what it was, it was full. The ringing in my ears had departed yet… unbeknownst to all aside from me. The mirror in the corner of the train car had broken, shattering into pieces. For but a moment I was trapped within the mirror, left to hear the will and thoughts of a man only wishing for the worst of me. This seat, albeit normal is only replicated with a distorted visage in my mind. The corrupted landscape from the existence of that one chaotic man. Where did I him from? Those long distant memories of a boy going through the struggles of a teenage dream. That moment of burning, scorching moonlight. As if it cried out from the dark entity for a moment. Fear. I hadn’t felt such an emotion in a while, not since the encounter with Koji.

Fear isn’t something to be afraid of, it’s proof I am alive but… in this sense. It felt hopeless. Something I couldn’t fathom nor fight by myself. A meaningless death would be all that awaited me. Had I ever encountered such a presence before? I can’t say, it was all consuming, yet it wasn’t pure darkness, as if trying to mimic something else, taunt somebody in a way. Whoever it was, I’d hate to be in his sights. I doubt I could’ve even done anything by myself with my greater advantage. You need unity to beat something like that, foundation and order to beat a being of pure chaos. That’s what I thought it was at least, a being without true goal, simply here to torment those who can fight for others. My thoughts running wild, those who fight for others huh? I guess that’s what led me to the job… to the place of the Kuzunoha. They were known for helping people and I needed a job. That guy took me in without a moment of hesitation. Even without knowing what a Persona is. It takes me back. I lean back into my seat.

The detective agency, more lively now as I lay on the couch in my brown jacket. Long hair in a mess, slightly leaning over the arm of the sofa, some of it falling down my back. The radio was playing a sweet song. My eyes shut, I whistle along as the song plays through the detective agency before singing along to a few of the words. “Hail… What’s the matter with your head… Yeah.” A good groove, an overall warming vibe throughout the detective agency. It’s not like there was much for me to do after the whole Koji thing. I met that boy they were talking about, a Hafu just like me… could’ve shown me a bit of more respect though. I’m his elder! Both as a Hafu in this country and a Persona … and a leader as well. My thoughts were interrupted as the door opened behind me, a man who drowned himself in women and booze, can’t exactly say I don’t envy him in a way but… I prefer to be more respectable to myself. “Another incident with a girl you know nothing about? Can’t say it’s not something I’ve seen before.” A shake of the head as I brushed some of my hair out of my face.

The man was silent, his darker complexion masked the redness of his face as he got a bit closer. Seems he’d been drinking a ton, guy like him usually was either drowning in women or booze. Complete opposite of me, opposites attract I guess. His voice was quite lax, with some slurring to it, his japanese was a tad flawed in such a state. “You know me so well…” The drawn out pronunciation of the L, I don’t know if I’ll get a true answer to my question. A thought raced through my head constantly. I got into this gig because I wanted to help protect the city that protected me in my time of need. Just some generosity saved me… just like back then. The help of my friends in ‘96, it pushed me forward, gave me a reason to fight. My thoughts turned into words, malformed in structure to eventually make a question. “Javier, why do you keep on working? Why do you keep on committing yourself to a place like this? You’re not the honest type, in fact you’re quite the opposite. You drink to anything, you cheat on your beloved… so why? Why do you do something so noble?” My thoughts turned into something more emotional than I thought. Perhaps it was reflection of myself… being good for the sake of being good. Is such weak reasoning not enough? Is that why I can’t seem to break through?

Once again, an air of silence consumed the room, thoughts weighing heavily on the minds of us both. Or perhaps the man’s drunken thoughts were simply unable to be organised… yet for a moment. His face turned serious, as if any sense of booze was gone for a moment. “Have you ever regretted something? Were you ever too late to do what you should’ve done?” He returned my question with a question, yet I could feel like it was enough of an answer for me. Before I could answer, he put a hand up, I guess it was rhetorical. He continued speaking soon after, as if answering it himself. “I do what I can to redeem myself, shameless as I may be with my actions. I don’t need another case of myself appearing throughout the city.” He paused once more, looking straight into my eyes, completely sober. “Don’t be me.” The only thing that came to mind was a conversation we’d had in the past. My eyes return to the visage of a train car, guess I’m out of that trance. I need to make my mother proud… before it’s too late.

A voice played over the intercom, slight static came from the mic as it spoke… it was grating against my ears. “Now arriving at Mikage-Cho. Now Arriving at Mikage-Cho, please enjoy your time in the city.” Exiting the train car with my bags, it was as if I was consumed by a purple hue upon exposure to the city. A familiar air fills my lungs… Home. The city I grew up in, the city I made those memories long ago. Retracing old steps, I exit the subway on the west side of town, closer to the school I used to go to. My eyes drifted around at the city around me, eventually settling on a tree with illuminating pink leaves. The Agastya tree… I wonder if I can still find some old carvings from the times I visited before. I laughed to myself before eventually leaving it alone… I can still have some childlike wonder when revisiting a place like this. Walking down the street, a few houses went up for sale, I these spots, a few houses of families that I was friends with. Some of them… I’d rather not . Bitter memories, the pain of being a Hafu stung within my body. Still… I’d rather be me than anyone else. Even those negative memories are part of me, they make me who I am.

Eventually my eyes settled on a slightly worn house, not breaking down or anything but it was clear it hadn’t been well maintained. Raising my hand, I tapped my knuckle against the door, not loudly banging but loud enough for someone to hear. Eventually my eyes met those of a woman as she peered through the door and opened it. “Isamu? You’re back all of a sudden, you only sent your paycheck a few days ago.” My face was a mixed bag, somehow sad and happy at the same time. “Had some business to settle in the area,plus I wanted to talk to my mu- Mother.” I corrected myself in a moment, guess that’s my culture settling in now that I’m home. Been so used to being overly formal I guess it’s just how I normally live now. A sigh as I eventually make it to the living room, my eyes scanned about eventually seeing my mother in a wheelchair pointed towards the garden, it was slightly overgrown but nothing too major. “You’re back… that’s a pleasant surprise.” She looked at me with glossy eyes, my heart sank for a moment yet the comforting voice brought it back up. “It’s good to see you again ‘Ma.” I slowly reached over to grab the handles of the wheelchair. “Let’s go to the cafe, I don’t think you’ve gone out as much recently.” I’d been informed before I came that her health was good enough to at least leave the house, a lot better than the scare I had earlier in the month.

Going down the street, escorting my mother… I shot glares at anyone who gave me a long glance. I wasn’t having anyone try and make me or my mother uncomfortable. Eventually I made it to Sun Mall. Last year I needed to call an attendant to help me get my mother up the stairs, it seems my complaints finally reached them. They added a slope sometime this year, at least someone heard my cries. A sigh of relief upon seeing it, I eventually escorted her to a nearby cafe, the sounds of a casino heard through a shoddy looking door nearby. I pushed open the door, holding it open as a bell rang. Staff soon alerted by my presence, I only recognised one of the few people working there. I gave a quick wave before getting seated, it was pretty rowdy. There was a group of three people, two men and one woman… The two men were yelling pretty loudly, I could hear the woman apologising to the staff for the commotion. From what I could get… “Jun’ya! I understand you were given the option to use MY NAME. But some of the things you’ve done recently are a bit… odd. What’s this I hear about some fast hags and a haunted taxi? I get it…you’re trying to do your job but you’re carrying the name of Kyoji Kuzunoha. Do more will ya’?” The man with the headband and purple suit was yelling a whole load of stuff, despite that… he had a cool demeanour to him.

It was the type of guy you wouldn’t expect to be angry, guess his nature matched the colour of his suit, a blue-ish hue, like the colour of the ocean. I couldn’t get many other thoughts in before the flashy guy began to spoke, his words as loud as his hairstyle. “It’s not like I was given a choice in the first place! If you didn’t slip up against Sid in the first place, I wouldn’t be in this mess! It’s not my fault you’re a lousy devil summoner! I handled Sid all by myself-” Before the man could even finish his thoughts, a cold air blew around. The red-headed female who’d been an onlooker suddenly had the face of the reaper themselves. “Obviously…” The flashy man with the pompadour was bewildered, as if his confidence faded in but a second. “I couldn’t have done it without you Rei.” A sigh of relief as their bickering seemed to have stopped. The familiar worker walked over, I gave him a wave before asking for the usual.

He walked away back behind the counter as soon as he came over, yet a pair of footsteps replaced his own, growing closer by the second. I turned… a man I didn’t recognise at a first glance. His pale skin covered by a dark suit, everyone and their mother seems to be wearing sui- I glanced down at my own clothing after that thought and well… I’m not one to be judging. I looked up at him, he had a grin, some smug air about him like he knew me, or about me. His eyes were covered by darkened sunglasses yet his body looked scarred or… I can’t think of a word off of the top of my head. It looked like his body deflated, I guess, like his muscles weren’t quite apparent… despite the nature of his body clearly showing that he SHOULD have a better physique. Everything about this guy was wrong, yet he spoke in a tone that was quite familiar to me. “Is this seat taken?” I’m a nice guy, I know I am… Like what’s he gonna do if he is a bad guy in a place like this? “It isn’t, feel free to take it.” The man took that as an opportunity to sit across from me and my mother, not take it to another table.

“Do you like this city?” He looked like he had more to say, it appeared he was pondering on how to phrase his next few words carefully. “Would you change anything about it if you had the chance?” His eyes looked both empty and full of ambition, as if a man who was brought back to life, spurred on by his dreams. Reborn under a new goal. I thought of an answer, yet his grin turned into more of a smile. A demonic smile. “I’m simply jesting. I doubt you’d like to take that much power into your hands.” I couldn’t speak, my body was screaming at me to figure out… no. To . To where I’d seen this man before. Pieces scramble within my head, words that I try and try again to clue into. A man with ambition who resides in Mikage Cho… no. Resided in Mikage Cho, someone who formerly lived here with a burning ambition. I wasn’t there at the SEBEC building, I didn’t go there with everyone else when it went down. Me and my friends ventured underneath St Hermillian High School but… I heard murmurs, Reiji told me about a man before everything went to shit at the time, he also told me what happened afterwards, something about clearing his head of everything he went through. To relinquish any attachment or hatred he had. Take? No, it was Takahisa. Kandori. The man who caused the SEBEC incident all of those years ago.